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An Alzheimer's Question

Home ▸ Archive ▸ Serious Business ▸ An Alzheimer's Question
O

OhioFan49

Junior Member

22 posts
May 6, 2012 12:53 AM
alzeheimers and dementia....scare the shit out of me
May 5, 2012 8:53pm
Y-Town Steelhound's avatar

Y-Town Steelhound

Underrated

1,388 posts
May 6, 2012 5:10 PM
IMO when she gets alzheimer's and forgets who you are she becomes a different person. She is no longer the person you married...
May 6, 2012 1:10pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 6, 2012 5:20 PM
^^^this. To say otherwise is really kind of a perverse and extreme interpretation of "in sickness and in health".

She is no longer capable of loving you. She has already been taken from you, just not physically taken yet. I think you absolutely have an obligation to care for her and comfort her, but morally I don't believe you are prevented from moving on with your life. She's in the final stages, in a home, and not getting better or coming back so IMO "till death do us part" is only a technicality at that point - you've already lost her.
May 6, 2012 1:20pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
May 6, 2012 9:30 PM
Of course you aren't prevented from moving on. That's why the question was posed, would you?

Some would.

Some wouldn't. If that wasn't the case there would be no reason for the question.
May 6, 2012 5:30pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 6, 2012 9:56 PM
Con_Alma;1163816 wrote: If that wasn't the case there would be no reason for the question.
Obviously you're not prevented or obligated to do anything. The question really is if it's morally wrong in some way. If not, then the question is basically if you would be ready to move on while she's still "living", so more about your personal healing process then a choice/decision you'd consciously make.

I don't believe it is morally wrong. Doubt the Church would even considering touching this, but when you consider that at the core of marriage is procreation and/or raising children in a nuclear family...
May 6, 2012 5:56pm
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
May 7, 2012 12:09 AM
"I don't believe it is morally wrong. Doubt the Church would even considering touching this, but when you consider that at the core of marriage is procreation and/or raising children in a nuclear family..."

If it helps my wife's step-father was previously married to a woman that became bipolar - my guess he was about 30 at the time. He's Catholic and their wedding was Catholic and the church had no problem with their divorce, obviously since he's now remarried.

It's a question where I'd be hesitant to believe anyone that hasn't been in that situation. It's easy to claim anything until it happens to you.
May 6, 2012 8:09pm
2kool4skool's avatar

2kool4skool

Senior Member

1,804 posts
May 7, 2012 12:23 AM
Don't get married like an idiot and this wouldn't be a problem.
May 6, 2012 8:23pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
May 7, 2012 12:59 AM
Manhattan Buckeye;1163900 wrote:.... It's easy to claim anything until it happens to you.
I agree with your point but I don't think it's easy claiming you would stay. It's certainly easier than actually staying, however.
May 6, 2012 8:59pm
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Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
May 7, 2012 1:01 AM
gut;1163822 wrote:...
I don't believe it is morally wrong. Doubt the Church would even considering touching this, but when you consider that at the core of marriage is procreation and/or raising children in a nuclear family...
There are some religious ceremonies that suggest that the union of two by God is not to be separated by man. I don't know if that's conditional.
May 6, 2012 9:01pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 7, 2012 2:13 AM
Manhattan Buckeye;1163900 wrote: It's a question where I'd be hesitant to believe anyone that hasn't been in that situation. It's easy to claim anything until it happens to you.
My suspicion was that would be the case, at least in the OP scenario. The one you describe might be a bit surprising, but as I said ultimately the foundation of marriage, at least within the Catholic Church, is procreation and a nuclear family. That may be a very outdated and inadequate position on the part of the Church, but it's largely the basis for continuing to oppose gay marriage.
May 6, 2012 10:13pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 7, 2012 2:14 AM
Con_Alma;1163923 wrote:There are some religious ceremonies that suggest that the union of two by God is not to be separated by man. I don't know if that's conditional.
Fair enough, so that could be a factor.

As for being easier to claim to stay vs. actually staying, I might suggest it is heavily influenced by opportunity. I doubt many would be actively on the prowl, at least those that were happy before the decline in her condition.
May 6, 2012 10:14pm
M

MontyBrunswick

May 7, 2012 12:35 PM
If my S/O got alzheimer's I'd just divorce her.
May 7, 2012 8:35am
Skyhook79's avatar

Skyhook79

Senior Member

5,739 posts
May 7, 2012 1:00 PM
ernest_t_bass;1162122 wrote:First let me state that I don't know much about Alzheimer's, only what I've briefly seen on TV, so I don't know the full affects, or how realistic TV is. I saw a scenario on Grey's Anatomy (watch it with the wife, STFU), and I was wondering how people thought about the situation. I'd like to get your opinions.

Situation:

Dr. Webber's wife has Alzheimer's, and it's to the point where she NEEDS to be in a home. He puts her in a home, and within a short time, she seems to forget who he is, and has fallen in love with another man; an Alzheimer's patient as well. Dr. Webber walks in on his wife (she has little idea who he is, not to mention that he's her husband) and her new boyfriend doing it in her room. You can tell it is devastating for him, but almost like he's happy that she's happy.

Cut to the next week's episode, and you find Dr. Webber with another woman, one with whom he has flirted in the past (and she reciprocated), but he would not touch her because he was committed to his wife. Now that he has seen that his wife is with another man, he goes ahead and does the deed with this other woman.

What would you do? How do you feel about it? (Let's forget about the fact that I was watching Grey's Anatomy)
A person with Alzheimers doesn't realize what they are doing where the spouse fully knew what he was doing when he committed Adultery. Shame on him.
May 7, 2012 9:00am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 7, 2012 1:08 PM
Skyhook79;1164089 wrote:A person with Alzheimers doesn't realize what they are doing where the spouse fully knew what he was doing when he committed Adultery. Shame on him.
Get off your fucking high horse... it was a TV show.
May 7, 2012 9:08am
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar

Raw Dawgin' it

Just Ain't Care

11,466 posts
May 7, 2012 1:18 PM
ernest_t_bass;1164093 wrote:Get off your fucking high horse... it was a TV show.
this - gfy skyhook.
May 7, 2012 9:18am
Skyhook79's avatar

Skyhook79

Senior Member

5,739 posts
May 7, 2012 1:25 PM
ernest_t_bass;1164093 wrote:Get off your fucking high horse... it was a TV show.
If it's just a TV show then why did you ask the question "How do you feel about it"? Then attack someone for telling how they feel about it????????
May 7, 2012 9:25am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 7, 2012 1:30 PM
Skyhook79;1164097 wrote:If it's just a TV show then why did you ask the question "How do you feel about it"? Then attack someone for telling how they feel about it????????
What would YOU do. Not "Judge a fucking TV character."
May 7, 2012 9:30am
Skyhook79's avatar

Skyhook79

Senior Member

5,739 posts
May 7, 2012 1:36 PM
ernest_t_bass;1162122 wrote:First let me state that I don't know much about Alzheimer's, only what I've briefly seen on TV, so I don't know the full affects, or how realistic TV is. I saw a scenario on Grey's Anatomy (watch it with the wife, STFU), and I was wondering how people thought about the situation. I'd like to get your opinions.

Situation:

Dr. Webber's wife has Alzheimer's, and it's to the point where she NEEDS to be in a home. He puts her in a home, and within a short time, she seems to forget who he is, and has fallen in love with another man; an Alzheimer's patient as well. Dr. Webber walks in on his wife (she has little idea who he is, not to mention that he's her husband) and her new boyfriend doing it in her room. You can tell it is devastating for him, but almost like he's happy that she's happy.

Cut to the next week's episode, and you find Dr. Webber with another woman, one with whom he has flirted in the past (and she reciprocated), but he would not touch her because he was committed to his wife. Now that he has seen that his wife is with another man, he goes ahead and does the deed with this other woman.

What would you do? How do you feel about it? (Let's forget about the fact that I was watching Grey's Anatomy)
ernest_t_bass;1164099 wrote:What would YOU do. Not "Judge a fucking TV character."
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
May 7, 2012 9:36am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 7, 2012 1:39 PM
Skyhook79;1164101 wrote::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
You're a fucking retard. Read the question right before your bolded quote. "What would you do?" Are you seriously defending yourself, judging a fucking TV character? You are the worst.
May 7, 2012 9:39am
Belly35's avatar

Belly35

Elderly Intellectual

9,716 posts
May 7, 2012 1:46 PM
Con_Alma;1162164 wrote:Others before self.

The difference between the actions of the husband and wife is that one knew they were breaking their agreement while one did not. There' no way I would be physically intimate with another person after vowing to my wife that I wouldn't. It wasn't a conditional agreement.
Maybe for the second time in the history of the OC Con_Alma and I agree on this issue.
My commitment to my wife in sickness and in health is a commitment I made.
See the problem with today society is the lack of dedication to commitment ... standard and values
Would she be less my wife if she had cancer or a stroke that disabled her in some manner... ? </SPAN>
May 7, 2012 9:46am
M

MontyBrunswick

May 7, 2012 2:05 PM
Belly35;1164106 wrote: Would she be less my wife if she had cancer or a stroke that disabled her in some manner... ?
Yes.
May 7, 2012 10:05am
like_that's avatar

like_that

1st Team All-PWN

26,625 posts
May 7, 2012 2:34 PM
ernest_t_bass;1164103 wrote:You're a fucking retard. Read the question right before your bolded quote. "What would you do?" Are you seriously defending yourself, judging a fucking TV character? You are the worst.
Speaking of which, you can vote for him in the basement!
May 7, 2012 10:34am
Skyhook79's avatar

Skyhook79

Senior Member

5,739 posts
May 7, 2012 8:48 PM
ernest_t_bass;1164103 wrote:You're a fucking retard. Read the question right before your bolded quote. "What would you do?" Are you seriously defending yourself, judging a fucking TV character? You are the worst.
There are 2 questions you asked I chose to answer the 2nd one. No need to launch a personal attack and call people names but you are good at it.
May 7, 2012 4:48pm