I think it's a bit much. I know my daughter had some relationships in college, but only two made it to our house. I felt no need to meet every guy she went out with. I raised her right and fully trust her judgement. Your daughter will either a) never date because the guys are gonna run once she tells them your rule or b) date behind your back. Do you really want either for her?? She's an 'adult' now and you need to trust in her and in the way you raised her.

Yeah, too overprotective, IMO.

I don't know you or your daughter obviously, but it seems that this would lead to her acting out once she gets away from you, like in college. If she goes a way, finally not having ground rules or you telling her that potential boyfriends need to ask, she could become a whole different person.

Wow, I have a 15 year old daughter and I think you're nuts......lol Imagine the goofball's she's going to end up dating because of this ridiculous rule you've made. Most normal 18 year old guys probably won't have anything to do with her because they've heard her dad is a "psycho". Here's betting that the first guy who shows up to "ask to date your daughter" is some long-haired pot-smoking biker dude.....nice work dad....lol

IMO, all teenagers think that anything that their parents do is over the top and restricting.
I can see where Major Spark is coming from. He's not asking for permission for casual dating. His daughter seems to agree with it, although she thinks it's a bit odd probably because "nobody else has to" <---- remember that? lol

Since I don't know his particular family dynamics, it's hard to say; we don't know the girls' personality either. But, I think Major, now that you've made the rule, it's easy to let it fall by the wayside, if you know what I mean.
I certainly know women who probably wish, looking back, that their rules growing up weren't so lax.

Bottom line, if your daughter didn't complain too much, she must ultimately be OK with it.

Way toooo antiquated in your thinking that you need a guy's permission to "date" your daughter.

I haven't read all the responses, but you are way too controlling. She's 18, and there is nothing wrong with dating casually, even if the intent isn't to look for someone to marry. Let her live her life.

And from my past experiences with parents who are too controlling, the kids eventually rebel. They will start sleeping around, smoking pot, drinking, doing all the things that the parents try to protect them from.

I'm sure it's hard for you, but you need to loosen the reigns and let her live her life.

Like most other posters on here I think it's to controlling, if you believe that you raised her the right way you should trust her judgement. You can't shield her from every "bad guy" out in the world, you have to let her go through life make mistakes and learn from them. I can't believe I'm gonna say this but sleeper is right with the its not gonna scare a guy off thing, if a guy wants to tag your daughter he's gonna do it one way or another.

Make sure the boyfriend shows you his junk as well.

If he comes up short in the meat department, He will never make your daughter happy.

I understand what majorspark is getting at. I was practically a single dad, divorced when my girl was 3 and I had 'shared primary custody' with my ex. I always always told my daughter I wanted to meet her friends, and often met her friends' parents when she was little. It made all of us feel safer when they stayed the night at my house or the friend's house. When she started wanting to go out with boys, I simply told her I wanted to meet them. It was normal by then. She was smart enough to know I just constantly worry about her safety. She'd tell them herself that I was protective and where I worked (jail). I never had any problem with boys treating her with respect.

enigmaax;392496 wrote:Three words - LET.GO.POPS.

"I have advised her..."
"...to jump this small hurdle I have put up..."
"nor does she fully understand the mind of a young man like I do"

I mean, wow....way to let your daughter be her own person and have her own mind. You are basically telling her she's an idiot and can't survive this world without being under your control. Not only is that completely disrespectful to her, but it also shows your own insecurity about how good of a job you did raising her to begin with. Get over yourself.

As I stated I asked my daughter. It is a request not a forced requirement. The request was not in reference to occasional casual dating. She has done that, Proms, dances, movies etc. I am talking about wanting to pursue a serious relationship. I don't see it as overbearing especially since it is not a requirement. I just see it as a respectful thing to do. If my daughter decides to honor my request and a young man honors it as well great. If not, I will not hold it against him.

As for letting go of the reigns I am quite lax when it comes to her. She has no curfew, but does have to let us know if she is going to be home really late so we do not worry. She does not have to ask us permission to go out with friends. She is free to come and go as she pleases. We do ask her to keep us informed if possible so we know where to get a hold of her. I didn't think twice about letting her go to Florida during spring break with her 18yr old friends. I would say I am quite secure in how a raised her.

Do her best friend?

spark - You don't have to try and convince me that you are secure. You aren't, but it doesn't matter to me. I went back and re-read your original post and there's a couple of things that stand out a little more, especially given your response to me. You let her come and go as she pleases, no curfew, etc. Buuuut....you draw the line when it comes to another man in her life. Then you only trust her judgment "to a degree" and of course she doesn't know men like you do. It DOES show insecurity and frankly, it is really damn weird.

You say things like "to this point she has taken YOUR advice". If a guy can't ask YOUR permission then he isn't worthy of giving her the love YOU have given her. You are already trying to set roadblocks and rationalize why any guy she meets could not measure up to YOU. The whole damn post was about you and the issue is about you, not her.

Then you have this, "If he is unwilling to jump this small hurdle I have put up to have a relationship with my daughter, what hurdles will he be unwilling to overcome later in the relationship to provide for her happiness and well being?"

I would ask, if you insist on meddling in her personal life now, what hurdles are you going to cause when she does find the right guy? Honestly, you are no longer and nor should you expect to be any kind of authority to her when it comes to her personal life. The fact that she is okay with it now is probably less about her respect for you than it is about fear of you, even if it is just afraid of hurting your fragile little ego. And when she finally does get married, how easy is it going to be for her to balance all of your opinions, advice, and wish to control against her husband's thoughts and feelings?

I know plenty of people like this and though I'm being kind of blunt with my opinion (yeah, I could be wrong, but you asked), I'm really not just trying to be an ass. It has the potential to go way deeper than you expect and cause so many more problems in the long run. Nearly everyone has said it, the best thing to do is get used to the fact that she is going to make her own decisions and accept them without trying to be any type of authority on her personal life.

dlazz;392468 wrote:Sounds like you've put too many ground rules on your daughter. I've seen many a girls "explode" in college after being limited by overprotective parents. She's almost an adult...loosen your grip.

This ^^^^ While I absolutely respect your desire to control her social life and members of her "inner circle", the 1950's are over, I'm afraid. If you keep her this sheltered, you'll either smother any fire right out of her or you'll have a disaster the first time she gets out from under your thumb (see above post). I think you're going to need to make some kind of compromise between complete freedom and what you are proposing. Certainly, wanting to meet any potential suitor is perfectly okay (and I'm with you on that part), but I'm not so sure on the "asking permission" thing. If he wants to marry her, sure, but to go to the movies? Seems a little bit much to me.

majorspark;392686 wrote:As I stated I asked my daughter. It is a request not a forced requirement.

Very rarely will I tell my dad "no" to something he requests. She's going to be in the same boat. You're being too overbearing on her. She's going to think twice about each guy she brings to you because of what you "requested" of her. She will seek out guys that YOU approve of, and not what she actually wants.

Questions for you, since you seem to be controlling;

1. Is your daughter a virgin?
2. Has/does your daughter drink alcohol?
3. Has/does your daughter do any recreational drugs?

If you answer no to all of those, you are delusional. If you say yes, then I think you might be more realistic than some of us may believe.

thedynasty1998;392797 wrote: If you say yes, then I think you might be more realistic than some of us may believe.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but I wasn't a virgin at 18 and I'd consider myself fairly grounded.

Like others have said...

asking to marry? I'd probably do it.

Asking to date, I probably wouldn't. Although if you asked to meet me first I'd be totally ok with it

I'm not saying if you are 18 and are virgin you are not grounded or vice versa. I asked those questions because I'm sure most 18 year olds would say yes to one of those 3 questions, and this guy seems to think he has this great understanding of his daughter. If he says no to all 3, not only is he too controlling, but he's also probably naive.

Good luck with that process man...I've raised two teengae daughters and I almost blew beer out my nose when I read your initial post I laughed so hard.

dlazz;392803 wrote:I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but I wasn't a virgin at 18 and I'd consider myself fairly grounded.

If you could "toot your own horn", I bet you would still be a virgin......

thedynasty1998;392797 wrote:Questions for you, since you seem to be controlling;

1. Is your daughter a virgin?
2. Has/does your daughter drink alcohol?
3. Has/does your daughter do any recreational drugs?

If you answer no to all of those, you are delusional. If you say yes, then I think you might be more realistic than some of us may believe.

As a guy at 18 years old I was a virgin (by choice, waited until marriage, kind of the 'more conservative' dating things I mentioned earlier in the post about dating my wife), had never drank alcohol and still to this day at 31 have never done recreational drugs.

But you are correct, at 18 in today's world, probably 90% would say yes to at least one of those (well 'no' to the virgin one).

I'm curious Major...what would the conversation be like when you met a guy that wanted to date your daughter? What types of questions would you ask? And what types of answers are you looking to glean from him?

Yea I know that one could be 18 and be a virgin, not have drank alcohol and never smoked. However, I think the odds say that most have. I was just curious as to his response.

enigmaax;392739 wrote:spark - You don't have to try and convince me that you are secure. You aren't, but it doesn't matter to me. I went back and re-read your original post and there's a couple of things that stand out a little more, especially given your response to me. You let her come and go as she pleases, no curfew, etc. Buuuut....you draw the line when it comes to another man in her life. Then you only trust her judgment "to a degree" and of course she doesn't know men like you do. It DOES show insecurity and frankly, it is really damn weird.

You say things like "to this point she has taken YOUR advice". If a guy can't ask YOUR permission then he isn't worthy of giving her the love YOU have given her. You are already trying to set roadblocks and rationalize why any guy she meets could not measure up to YOU. The whole damn post was about you and the issue is about you, not her.

Then you have this, "If he is unwilling to jump this small hurdle I have put up to have a relationship with my daughter, what hurdles will he be unwilling to overcome later in the relationship to provide for her happiness and well being?"

I would ask, if you insist on meddling in her personal life now, what hurdles are you going to cause when she does find the right guy? Honestly, you are no longer and nor should you expect to be any kind of authority to her when it comes to her personal life. The fact that she is okay with it now is probably less about her respect for you than it is about fear of you, even if it is just afraid of hurting your fragile little ego. And when she finally does get married, how easy is it going to be for her to balance all of your opinions, advice, and wish to control against her husband's thoughts and feelings?

I know plenty of people like this and though I'm being kind of blunt with my opinion (yeah, I could be wrong, but you asked), I'm really not just trying to be an ass. It has the potential to go way deeper than you expect and cause so many more problems in the long run. Nearly everyone has said it, the best thing to do is get used to the fact that she is going to make her own decisions and accept them without trying to be any type of authority on her personal life.

Awesome post, +1

sherm03;392941 wrote:I'm curious Major...what would the conversation be like when you met a guy that wanted to date your daughter? What types of questions would you ask? And what types of answers are you looking to glean from him?

Yeah, that's the big thing I was wondering, too. If it's just a "meet the dad and ask permission to date daughter" formality, well, I can't say I'd 100 percent agree (meeting you and letting you know he was going to date her is one thing, but asking permission? when she's 18? what potential "hurdles" would this prepare him for...the worry that daddy's going to be looking over his shoulder 24/7?), but I can see where you're coming from. Now, if this is more of "let's take a look at this guy, see if he meets up to MY STANDARDS and run him off if he doesn't" sort of thing, that's being overly controlling.