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What would you think and do? Should I be pissed.

Home ▸ Archive ▸ Serious Business ▸ What would you think and do? Should I be pissed.
Belly35's avatar

Belly35

Elderly Intellectual

9,716 posts
Aug 1, 2011 9:06 AM
What the big deal .. happen once

Looking for a whole lot more than what is presented. You ask her about this so she knows you know ... and the kids know also

Why drill on it .. move on and hope it does happen again soon...

Marriage is based on a level of trust and understanding and behavior actions... errors happen and mistakes take place ...it happens.

Jealousy, suspicion and over reaction … leads to more of the same..
Aug 1, 2011 9:06am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Aug 1, 2011 9:12 AM
I caught my wife snooping in my phone once. It was right after she had our 2nd daughter, and she was just feeling insecure. I get score updates, texts from other coaches, texts from friends all the time. She was just curious, and like I said, feeling insecure. I didn't get pissed at the fact that she did it, but more disappointed in her that she felt that I would do something behind her back. Never happened since.
Aug 1, 2011 9:12am
dwccrew's avatar

dwccrew

Not Banned

7,817 posts
Aug 1, 2011 9:58 AM
ernest_t_bass;848115 wrote:I caught my wife snooping in my phone once. It was right after she had our 2nd daughter, and she was just feeling insecure. I get score updates, texts from other coaches, texts from friends all the time. She was just curious, and like I said, feeling insecure. I didn't get pissed at the fact that she did it, but more disappointed in her that she felt that I would do something behind her back. Never happened since.

Did she lie to you about doing it once you confronted her though? That seems to be more of the issue here.
Aug 1, 2011 9:58am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Aug 1, 2011 1:33 PM
dwccrew;848143 wrote:Did she lie to you about doing it once you confronted her though? That seems to be more of the issue here.

No, she was honest. Actually, I caught her in the act, yet she spun it around so it was somehow my fault, and I was the bad guy. But that's just marriage :)
Aug 1, 2011 1:33pm
T

Tiernan

Senior Member

13,021 posts
Aug 1, 2011 2:19 PM
Why is the wifey checking your phone anyway? Either you have given her reason with past indiscretions (or) she's very insecure and about one acrorn short of full on nutz and you ain't never gonna fix that. I'm betting you've colored outside the lines before and Mama figures you still are doing the same shit.
Aug 1, 2011 2:19pm
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thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Aug 1, 2011 4:14 PM
bwcomet89;846670 wrote:My first question is if your wife is cheating or hiding something, why would it make it on your phone? Have you tried to call, contact, or look up the missed number? If your wife was really hiding something she would have deleted the evidence of any of it taking place. My guess is a kid did something wrong and an authority of some sort was trying to contact you about it and that kid tried to delete the voicemail so you didn't get it. Your wife seems too innocent in this case as shes far too casual. So either she's innocent or a master liar, where if it's the latter this incident is the least of your worries.

Master liar? Well, she is a woman!

As for why she wouldnt delete the voicemail? I thought about that, but it was just so very important, maybe the most important call of my life actually and I think she was just hoping I didnt realize it was already listened to. Ithink if it was just a friend and such then she woulda deleted it out and get rid of the evidence
Aug 1, 2011 4:14pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Aug 1, 2011 4:26 PM
Have you talked to her further about this? How did it go?
Aug 1, 2011 4:26pm
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Aug 1, 2011 4:27 PM
sej;847283 wrote:thavoice, I thought I posted on this yesterday, but apparently I'm losing my mind. Given the last message I received from you awhile back and this, I'd say there are some significant issues. Checking up is one thing and is cool if you're up front about it, but the fact that she's denying doing it at all is totally different.




Yeah...unfortunately, I know.


I had given her an out when I brought it up to her initially. I mentioned something like how I noticed that when I was out running the night before I had received a call, they left a message and someone had checked it while I was gone. It was an area code she would have known, and she knows I am awaiting possible very important message that would come from that area. She easily coulda said, "Oh I noticed that someone had called from that number and thought it may be very important for ya so I checked it and just forgot to tell ya".

but she didnt.

As I said....two possible things happened: 1. Someone came into the house when we were not home and listened to my voicemail, or it was her.



I remember a quote from a movie that I love called Contact. In it they talk about the theory of "Occams razor" which the describe as with all other things being equal, the simplist explanation is usually the right one.


In an update......not a word has been mentioned since then. No mention of how someone had to had come into the house to do it if she didnt. I would think if she knew in her mind it wasnt her she would be concerned about who did come into the house.
Aug 1, 2011 4:27pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Aug 1, 2011 4:32 PM
I wish you two well going forward and hope that this burden hanging over your relationship can be addressed and solved.
Aug 1, 2011 4:32pm
S

Steel Valley Football

Senior Member

4,548 posts
Aug 1, 2011 5:53 PM
Con_Alma;848052 wrote:I truly couldn't care any less what the appeal or lack there of is to anyone viewing my property from the street. I wouldn't ever even think to create an appearance in a such a way that it may appeal to anyone else except me and my family. After all, it's mine.

If not lying to your spouse is uniquely comical then laugh away! I'll go on being honest with my spouse, which I think is what the voice wanted in his relationship, honesty.

Seems to me it would be odd if there was anyone on this forum not uniquely themselves.
I was right. You do care about curb appeal. As I said, you just don't call it that.

"Curb appeal" is a dumb term created by realtors to grab a buyer's attention, whether it be in a written listing or on the phone, etc. Equally dumb is "pride of ownership", but they both allude to a house having a nice appearance. By being a diligent and normal homeowner and keeping up the exterior appearance of your home, you have created "curb appeal", whether you attempted to do that or not.


No one ever laughed at you for not lying to your spouse. We laughed at your attempt to show the OC that you don't lie to your spouse by acting so incredulous as to be in utter shock at the mere fact that people who lie to their spouses actually existed and shared the same air that you do. It was QUITE comical to those who have notice this pattern in your posts; you acting special and different and letting people know about it, that is.
Aug 1, 2011 5:53pm
Pick6's avatar

Pick6

A USA American

14,946 posts
Aug 1, 2011 7:23 PM
I just dont get it...she knew it was very important,checked the voicemail and never told you about it? doesnt make sense. Why wouldn't she tell you? Then after you found out.....why wouldnt she admit it?? I just dont see why she would want to hide it if it was important and all.

I still stick with my first opinion, that technology fucks up sometimes.
Aug 1, 2011 7:23pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Aug 2, 2011 6:06 AM
Steel Valley Football;848555 wrote:"... By being a diligent and normal homeowner and keeping up the exterior appearance of your home, you have created "curb appeal", whether you attempted to do that or not....
...so, if I didn't try then I care about it's appearance. By God you were right then!





Steel Valley Football;848555 wrote:... It was QUITE comical to those who have notice this pattern in your posts; you acting special and different and letting people know about it, that is.
I'll see if if I can add to your opinion a little.

I'm not acting.

How did I do?
Aug 2, 2011 6:06am
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Aug 2, 2011 9:48 AM
Pick6;848642 wrote:I just dont get it...she knew it was very important,checked the voicemail and never told you about it? doesnt make sense. Why wouldn't she tell you? Then after you found out.....why wouldnt she admit it?? I just dont see why she would want to hide it if it was important and all.

I still stick with my first opinion, that technology ****s up sometimes.
yes. technology phux up sometimes.

But....

This is a flip phone. It isnt like someone accidently hit the button to call voicemail or whatever. A voice mail was listened to, a text message read.

So...why would she keep on lying? Ever heard of the saying 'That's my story and I am sticking to it"?


I have dropped the issue. I really dont care anymore. It is just one of many things piled up against her. If she doesnt get in my way, I wont get in hers
Aug 2, 2011 9:48am
I

I Am Ahab

Senior Member

478 posts
Aug 2, 2011 1:59 PM
I check my girlfriends phone all the time when shes not around. The best is when she forgets her phone at home n I get home hrs before she does. I check everything. Messages, calls, Internet history, Facebook. Anything I can. I think it's a bit (a lot) immoral but whatever. I'm investing much in the relationship n I want to know I'm not wasting time and effort. I've cheated on girlfriends in past so maybe that's why I'm insecure. I do trust my gf very very much and we r very open n honest. But I want to be absolutely sure. Does this make me a terrible person?
Aug 2, 2011 1:59pm
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enigmaax

Senior Member

4,511 posts
Aug 2, 2011 2:25 PM
I Am Ahab;849745 wrote:I do trust my gf very very much and we r very open n honest. Does this make me a terrible person?

1. You don't trust her "very very much".
2. Do you tell her you go through her shit? Because if not, then you are not "very open n honest".
3. You aren't a terrible person, just a person who is not likely to be successful in a relationship for an extended period of time.
Aug 2, 2011 2:25pm
S

Steel Valley Football

Senior Member

4,548 posts
Aug 2, 2011 3:03 PM
Con_Alma;849362 wrote:I'll see if if I can add to your opinion a little.

I'm not acting.

How did I do?

Sorry, I call BS that you didn't realize there are married people who lie to their spouses.

Therefore, it's all a pompous holier-than-thou act.
Aug 2, 2011 3:03pm
I

I Am Ahab

Senior Member

478 posts
Aug 2, 2011 3:59 PM
enigmaax;849775 wrote:1. You don't trust her "very very much".
2. Do you tell her you go through her ****? Because if not, then you are not "very open n honest".
3. You aren't a terrible person, just a person who is not likely to be successful in a relationship for an extended period of time.
We've been in a very good relationship for over 3 years so I guess you're a person who is not likely to be successful at making predictions based on limited info about someone you don't know. Thanks for trying at least.
Aug 2, 2011 3:59pm
E

enigmaax

Senior Member

4,511 posts
Aug 2, 2011 4:03 PM
I Am Ahab;849869 wrote:We've been in a very good relationship for over 3 years so I guess you're a person who is not likely to be successful at making predictions based on limited info about someone you don't know. Thanks for trying at least.

Very.

You didn't answer my question. Does she know you go through her shit?
Aug 2, 2011 4:03pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Aug 2, 2011 4:05 PM
I Am Ahab;849745 wrote:I check my girlfriends phone all the time when shes not around. The best is when she forgets her phone at home n I get home hrs before she does. I check everything. Messages, calls, Internet history, Facebook. Anything I can. I think it's a bit (a lot) immoral but whatever. I'm investing much in the relationship n I want to know I'm not wasting time and effort. I've cheated on girlfriends in past so maybe that's why I'm insecure. I do trust my gf very very much and we r very open n honest. But I want to be absolutely sure. Does this make me a terrible person?

I call BS :)
Aug 2, 2011 4:05pm
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Aug 3, 2011 5:28 AM
Steel Valley Football;849824 wrote:Sorry, I call BS that you didn't realize there are married people who lie to their spouses.

....
No appology necessary.

You mean intentionally? People lie intentionally to their spouses? In general, that would be very surprising to me. Sure I can see some idiots out their doing so but by and large it would be surprising to me.

I guess I just don't understand why someone would choose to lie to the most important person in their life who they have chosen to be their life partner and friend.

Is it selfishness?

No appology necessary.
Aug 3, 2011 5:28am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Aug 3, 2011 6:03 AM
Steel Valley Football;849824 wrote:Sorry, I call BS that you didn't realize there are married people who lie to their spouses.

Therefore, it's all a pompous holier-than-thou act.
No apology necessary.

You mean intentionally? People lie intentionally to their spouses? In general, that would be very surprising to me. Sure I can see some idiots out their doing so but by and large it would be surprising to me.

I guess I just don't understand why someone would choose to lie to the most important person in their life who they have chosen to be their life partner and friend.

Is it selfishness?

Finally, I am not Holy at all...certainly not Holier than any other.
Aug 3, 2011 6:03am
I

I Am Ahab

Senior Member

478 posts
Aug 3, 2011 8:25 AM
enigmaax;849875 wrote:Very.

You didn't answer my question. Does she know you go through her ****?
Of course she doesn't know. But one of the reasons I trust her is bc of things I know she says/does that she thinks I'm not seeing. And I do trust her and we are open. There are many aspects and areas of trust and honesty in a relationship. This one thing (checking her phone) doesn't disqualify all the other parts of our relationship that are honest/trusting.
Aug 3, 2011 8:25am
E

enigmaax

Senior Member

4,511 posts
Aug 3, 2011 9:01 AM
I Am Ahab;850523 wrote:Of course she doesn't know. But one of the reasons I trust her is bc of things I know she says/does that she thinks I'm not seeing. And I do trust her and we are open. There are many aspects and areas of trust and honesty in a relationship. This one thing (checking her phone) doesn't disqualify all the other parts of our relationship that are honest/trusting.

I'm just saying that her happiness is based on a perception of you that doesn't include possessive stalking and invasion of her privacy (you said you check "everything" and "anything I can"; it isn't as though you just randomly checked her phone once or something). If you really don't think those characteristics/actions affect your ability to maintain a relationship or that knowing those things about you would change her outlook on how well the relationship is going, come clean to her. In the meantime, my assessment isn't wrong simply because you are able to lie and hide your true self.
Aug 3, 2011 9:01am
LJ's avatar

LJ

Senior Member

16,351 posts
Aug 3, 2011 9:01 AM
I Am Ahab;850523 wrote:Of course she doesn't know. But one of the reasons I trust her is bc of things I know she says/does that she thinks I'm not seeing. And I do trust her and we are open. There are many aspects and areas of trust and honesty in a relationship. This one thing (checking her phone) doesn't disqualify all the other parts of our relationship that are honest/trusting.

You are a very insecure person. Last time I looked at anything on my wife's phone was looking up a phone number about a year ago.
Aug 3, 2011 9:01am
S

Steel Valley Football

Senior Member

4,548 posts
Aug 3, 2011 10:01 AM
Con_Alma;850490 wrote:No apology necessary.

You mean intentionally? People lie intentionally to their spouses? In general, that would be very surprising to me. Sure I can see some idiots out their doing so but by and large it would be surprising to me.

I guess I just don't understand why someone would choose to lie to the most important person in their life who they have chosen to be their life partner and friend.

Is it selfishness?

Finally, I am not Holy at all...certainly not Holier than any other.

I've known other people full of shit but you take the cake. You should be proud actually.
Aug 3, 2011 10:01am