Dr Winston O'Boogie;1220057 wrote:I think I've shared this story on here before, but just in case I haven't....
About 5-7 years ago, I visited a Hometown Buffet in the Columbus area. I was already weary of all-you-can-eat buffets and I went in spite of my better judgement. Needless to say, I was almost immediatly depressed and disgusted when I went inside. Hard to say this in America in 2012, but I have never seen such a concentration of morbidly obese people - old and young - in one place. Watching these people confront the buffet line was like watching Omaha Beach on 6/6/44 - violent and horrific. Had I not seen anything more, I would have crossed it off my list for life.
However, I did see more. And for that, I am eternally sorry.
After I was done eating, I went to use the restroom. I knew I was in for trouble when I was in there, standing at the urinal and a huge guy in the 350lb range came rushing past me (almost running) and into the stall. He slammed the door, danced around, dropped trow and then BOOM. I literally felt like the pressure of release made the air shake. There must have been minimal cleanup effort on his part, since he was back out of the stall in moments. It was what he said at the sinks, though, that solidified this as a horrific experience. As he dried his hands off from a 0.5 second rinse, he looked at me and said, "Time to get back into the game".
After he left, I looked into the stall. I saw what looked like a post-grenade explosion. My friend who was in the restaurant with me later explained that what I was seeing was the results of someone having gone "backboard" - i.e drilled the back wall tile with a blast that the bowl couldn't contain. My post blast investigation showed evidence that he went "backboard" in the stall (i.e. used a bit of the tile wall behind the seat). I also realized that any pressure release capable of producing this "backboard" would require a lot more than the 5-10 seconds this guy allotted proper whiping. There was no way to conclude anything other than the fact that he had gotten "back into the game" with less than clean hands. The stink made me gag.
This experience has eliminated the possibility of me ever going to a buffet restaurant ever, ever, ever, ever again. I would rather take my chances eating grass on the side of the road.
I think I've repped you for this before, but I'll do it again. This is fucking hilarious.