So about 4-5 months ago, my sister-in-law Jill introduces me to her friend, Mandy. At the time, she wasn't trying to match us up or anything. One night I was suppose to hang out with my brother and Jill, and she said she was gonna bring Mandy.
Now Mandy is kind of indescribable. Don't get me wrong, she's a very cute girl. But she has sleeve tattoos on both arms (which doesn't bother me) she went to mortuary school, has breast implants (sweet) She just marches to a different beat I guess. But she's incredibly instable. In the time I spent with her, she was always talking about moving away or moving out, switching jobs, etc. I guess she had a crappy childhood in a broken home, no real father figure, mom's a drinker, took meds for depression and anxiety (which so do I so whatever) so she's also made it on her own. When I had met her, she was just getting out of a long & serious relationship and wasn't looking to repeat anything there.

So her and I hung out for several weeks and acted a lot more than just friends. But she wouldn't want to talk about where this is going and made it clear she didn't want to date. Every day was different. One day we would be great, and the next it was 'Oh I've just been thinking and don't want a relationship' -- mixed signals is an understatement. I would seek advice from Jill and my brother and they basically said she was nice and all, but was also a headcase and didn't know what she wanted.

Finally one day back in June she texted me and just said look I like you a lot but the thought of being in a relationship again freaks me out, I want to be on my own right now, etc. and she fed me the "still be friends" crap and I just told her it was cool, no worries. A few days later I deleted her from my phone in an attempt to make her dead to me. I really liked her and wanted a serious and stable relationship - something I could depend on.

A few days ago I was bored at work and playing Wordfeud on my phone and found Mandy under my contacts so I invited her to a game and we talked a little. Last night I was going out drinking with Jill and a couple other friends, so I figured why not invite Mandy (thinking no way in hell she'd come) but she did and it was a fun time. Jill later told me that Mandy told her she forgot how fun I was to be around.

They were going out again tonight and invited me, but I already have other plans. So I'm not sure how to approach her. I KNOW she likes me, and Jill has confirmed I'm one of the nicer guys she's been with - she tends to date dirtbags. This is one of those situations most guys find themselves in at one point or another in life -- do you heavily pursue, or stand back and let life happen? I'm tempted to tell her how I feel, to give it a chance and see. I can't just hang out with her/them and just be friends, though. And she's gonna be hard to avoid because she's a friend of my SIL/brother's and going to be with me in their wedding next June.

Psycho. Unstable. Stay away. Honestly, I couldn't get past the sleeve tats. That would be the deal breaker.

Sounds hot!

GoPens;853498 wrote:Psycho. Unstable. Stay away. Honestly, I couldn't get past the sleeve tats. That would be the deal breaker.

I don't think she's psycho, and I've dated psycho. For the most part she's sweet, shy, and soft spoken. The tats...eh....Jill actually has one on her stomach and foot, which I understand isn't as obvious or obnoxious as all the way down her arms, but all girls have them...she's just taken them to an extreme!

Fab1b;853500 wrote:Sounds hot!

When I was typing this, I knew you would approve.

Fab1b;853500 wrote:Sounds hot!

Ditto my man. Ditto.

Sounds like you want more than she ever will. Unless you don't care if you get hurt, then enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Similar but different scenario I had with my girl. I kept attacking and I reeled her in. If you like her, go go go!

Maybe its just taken her longer than most to figure out exactly what she wants.

Make one more play at it. If she pulls that crap again let it be and get out

I dont think you want to deal with a headcase for a long period of time, sure they may be good in bed but a major pain to deal with.

Find another girl.

IMO it doesn't sound like you have a lot or anything vested to this point. Take a chance, what's the worse thing that can happen? You don't end up together, well then back to square one anyways. See what happens, if you like it go for it!

It's always a gamble with emotionally broken girls as this one appears to be. But in this case it's even worse as it sounds like she's coming out of a bad relationship that went on for awhile. This girl is clearly not ready for a relationship and, give her some credit, she seems to recognize that.

But no matter how great a guy you may be, don't expect that to magically "fix" her. There will be a tremendous amount of baggage to deal with that likely no one other than her can ultimately deal with.

run

You will need to give us a little more information about her, then we can give you an honest answer on what to do.

1. Does she have a steady job?
2. Does she still live at home with her parents?
3. Does she have a alcohol or drug problem?
4. Does she have good personal hygiene?
5. Does she swallow?

Scoring for this test are as follows.

#1 is rewarded 10 pts for a YES
#2-3 are rewarded 5 pts for a NO
#4 is rewarded 20 pts for a YES or 5 pts for a NO if she agrees to correct the problem.
#5 is rewarded 60 pts for a YES

A score of 65 or better is needed to pass.

#1 & 2 can be blamed on bad economy, a NO answer on these is not a deal breaker, just make sure she wants to better herself and get a job.

#3 is a tough one to deal with if you answer YES, she may require a lot of your help and guidance to turn things around. You may be pushed to the brink as time goes on and decide to end the relationship and regret that you ever tried to help her. Might want to really think this one out.

# 4 can be fixed if you answered NO, as long as she understands that it is important to take care of her body and that people are embarrassed to be around dirty people for fear of catching a disease. She may not have been properly educated on personal hygiene.

#5 is the most complicated part of this information session. A YES answer on this one will cancel questions 1,2,3 and #4 if she agrees to get help with #4. A NO answer on this question will void questions 1,2,3,4 and is a deal breaker.

This test is in accordance with the OC relationship standards adopted in to the bylaws in section 69.4.2 on November 9, 2009

Pics of the implants or GTFO!

friendfromlowry;853506 wrote:The tats...eh....Jill actually has one on her stomach and foot, which I understand isn't as obvious or obnoxious as all the way down her arms, but all girls have them...she's just taken them to an extreme!

granted i have only dated a handful of girls seriously, not one has had a tattoo.

Run Forest Run !!!

If you want it, no harm in trying. Go for it.

Fuck her and delete her from your phone. What could be better than that?

Cleveland Buck;853624 wrote:Fuck her and delete her from your phone. What could be better than that?

Do her sister ???

You didn't mention how old she is.

At 19, this kind of shenanigans is more the rule than the exception. If she's more than 25, run like hell, because she's going to be like this rest of her life. You'll get really tired of living in middle school for the rest of your life.

Go for it but feel free to date other girls while you do it. She's clearly a long term ordeal where you may end up never getting with her so don't wait on her to decide, because if she says no you just wasted a ton of time and energy on a lost cause. However if you try and fail while you have a backup plan, it was just felt as not meant to be and fun along the way. You're not in a relationship with her, don't feel like you have to be committed to her. I've dated plenty of girls like this(I can't lie they're a lot of fun) but emotional connection may even repel these types. Don't flat out tell her your feelings. That will make her stay at an arms length, as weird as that sounds. Play it cool and keep options open. Just my suggestion.

darbypitcher22;853529 wrote:Maybe its just taken her longer than most to figure out exactly what she wants.

Make one more play at it. If she pulls that crap again let it be and get out

Would anyone seriously take advice on women from this guy?

sleeper;853539 wrote:Find another girl.

This.

It shocks me how many pussy guys there is in the world. She has repeatedly told you she doesn't want a relationship, but you seem to misread the fact that she lets you put your dick in her as a sign that she does want to be in a relationship. Has she ever actually told you she wants more? From what you have told us, she hasn't. Grow a set of balls and forget about her.

Also, I don't understand how tattoos are deal breakers for some on here. As if that ink on someone's skin makes their personality any different. SMH