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How important is it to have the same ideals as someone you date?

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mexappeal12's avatar

mexappeal12

Desperado

489 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:23 AM
Wow it has clearly been a while since i've been on here. I had to accept rules to post a thread lol ok soooo. THIS IS NOT A POLITICS THREAD and I am not saying which side is right but how important do you think it is to date someone that is the same side politically as you? I went on a date with someone, great guy and everyone loves him, but he told me he thinks Sarah Palin is awesome and he doesnt really agree with gays and their lifestyle. My brother is gay and i am very much against anything Sarah Palin. Should i even waste my time? We got a long great, but i wonder if there is a point considering how opposite of him I am with my foundational ideals. I am not saying he is wrong or that i am right but i dont want to go into something thinking i can change him bc i wouldnt want someone doing that to me... any thoughts?
Jan 27, 2011 12:23am
sleeper's avatar

sleeper

Legend

27,879 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:24 AM
Is he hot?
Jan 27, 2011 12:24am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:27 AM
I would say it depends on how large a role your views play in your everyday life.

My wife and I have political views that don't align. We get along okay. We just don't talk politics.

For what it's worth, my wife loves Sarah Palin. :D
Jan 27, 2011 12:27am
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:27 AM
I would have a hard time dating someone that didn't share my same ideals. Sure, my wife and I don't agree on EVERYTHING but our core beliefs are pretty much identical. So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice.
Jan 27, 2011 12:27am
wildcats20's avatar

wildcats20

In ROY I Trust!!

27,794 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:27 AM
HA

DATE NIGHT!!

Just look at fab and I mexi....pretty might
Jan 27, 2011 12:27am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:31 AM
wildcat just wants to see some scissor action. :D
Jan 27, 2011 12:31am
wildcats20's avatar

wildcats20

In ROY I Trust!!

27,794 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:32 AM
Touche
Jan 27, 2011 12:32am
mexappeal12's avatar

mexappeal12

Desperado

489 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:36 AM
I'm fairly opinionated. hotness level? not the best looking guy ive dated but he is handsome and has a great personality.

O-Trap: you said you dont talk politics? don't you think that is weird to avoid a subject with the person you are married to? if you don't mind me asking do you have kids?

Also, i know im over-analyzing but that is what i do. I over-analyze everything bc commitment freaks me out (im kind of like a guy... kind of like Fab4 used to be before she met Jakey poo), but he is a good old boy and the type of guy that dates commits then marries then kids... so how can you raise children if you have different ways at looking at things? I also dont want to hurt his feelings so i kind of want to decide what to do before i continue to date him. Further complicating matters is the fact that one of my best friends is married to one of his best friends (so i feel the need to be extra careful). I really do like him... im conflicted... and i hate feelings
Jan 27, 2011 12:36am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:42 AM
mexappeal12;654883 wrote:O-Trap: you said you dont talk politics? don't you think that is weird to avoid a subject with the person you are married to? if you don't mind me asking do you have kids?

It's not that we avoid it. We do, on some occasions, discuss politics. However, our political views don't play a huge part in our day-to-day life, so when I say we don't talk politics much, I mean that it's just not a topic that comes up very often.

We have very politically driven friends who regularly come over. When the discussion turns political, we discuss. We can disagree without getting upset at one another.

I suppose that's a big deal, too. If either one of you cannot respect people who adopt the view opposite your own, then there are going to be problems.
Jan 27, 2011 12:42am
mexappeal12's avatar

mexappeal12

Desperado

489 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:45 AM
o-trap: good points. I definitely respect other people's view and that is why I would not want him to change his unless he feels like he should. I just know that i will not be moving from my position at all. I wouldn't call it a big part of my life, but there are some issues i have personal convictions about... hmmm
Jan 27, 2011 12:45am
DeyDurkie5's avatar

DeyDurkie5

Senior Member

11,324 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:54 AM
mexappeal12;654883 wrote:I'm fairly opinionated. hotness level? not the best looking guy ive dated but he is handsome and has a great personality.

O-Trap: you said you dont talk politics? don't you think that is weird to avoid a subject with the person you are married to? if you don't mind me asking do you have kids?

Also, i know im over-analyzing but that is what i do. I over-analyze everything bc commitment freaks me out (im kind of like a guy... kind of like Fab4 used to be before she met Jakey poo), but he is a good old boy and the type of guy that dates commits then marries then kids... so how can you raise children if you have different ways at looking at things? I also dont want to hurt his feelings so i kind of want to decide what to do before i continue to date him. Further complicating matters is the fact that one of my best friends is married to one of his best friends (so i feel the need to be extra careful). I really do like him... im conflicted... and i hate feelings

we get it, wildcats and fab are dating...
Jan 27, 2011 12:54am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:54 AM
Oh, certainly. That's going to be the case.

In the case of your brother, I'd suggest a bigger issue might be the guy's personal views of homosexuals. Political ideals don't always match personal ideals. I know people who think gay people should be allowed to marry, but who don't agree with the lifestyle. I know people whose actions indicate that they genuinely like the gay people in their lives, but who wouldn't support gay people being legally married to one another.

So, regardless of his political views, I think what is important is how he would interact with your brother. By the fact that your brother's orientation was the one thing you brought up, I'm assuming that you love your brother and are very protective of him, orientation and all. As such, I'm pretty sure a person who wouldn't be able to get along with him wouldn't last long in a relationship with you.

So the question is, regardless of political views, would this guy be able to get along with your brother, and show him the respect he would show to any other human being?
Jan 27, 2011 12:54am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 12:58 AM
Also, raising kids while holding different political views can be a blessing, because it can show kids how to get along and respect others with different political views while they're growing up. It's really probably the best way to ensure that children grow up neither "hating those greedy, money-hungry, help-the-rich-get-richer Republicans" nor "hating those communist, bleeding-heart, fiscally-irresponsible Democrats."
Jan 27, 2011 12:58am
mexappeal12's avatar

mexappeal12

Desperado

489 posts
Jan 27, 2011 1:03 AM
O-trap: thanks i feel like that was a really good way to put that. Sensei O-trap i will now be asking you to help me with all of my life problems lol.
I am extremely protective of my brother and he is really the most important person to me. Also, i get the distinction btwn political/personal but for him i think they are very far right... guns, abortion, gays, religion, and finances. And we agree on some things (im more socially liberal than fiscally), but he is a while male from a very small conservative town. Def think i will give him a chance...
Jan 27, 2011 1:03am
ytownfootball's avatar

ytownfootball

Bold faced liar...

6,978 posts
Jan 27, 2011 1:06 AM


I mean, there are things that transcend all others.
Jan 27, 2011 1:06am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 1:11 AM
mexappeal12;654901 wrote:O-trap: thanks i feel like that was a really good way to put that. Sensei O-trap i will now be asking you to help me with all of my life problems lol.
I am extremely protective of my brother and he is really the most important person to me. Also, i get the distinction btwn political/personal but for him i think they are very far right... guns, abortion, gays, religion, and finances. And we agree on some things (im more socially liberal than fiscally), but he is a while male from a very small conservative town. Def think i will give him a chance...

Haha! Nothing wrong with a white male from a very small, conservative town. That's me!

I was raised in a family that adopts basically the same things as this guy. All men are members of the NRA. They oppose same-sex marriage. They all are comfortable with Christian values being incorporated into American law. They're all of the "personhood-from-conception" think group. And they're fiscally Republican (note: I didn't say conservative). I was never really of the family standard, but I get along with them okay.

Right in the middle is my uncle, who has been out of the closet for 10 years. For the first couple, it was difficult ... awkward. His own father is a big Jay Sekulow and Pat Robertson fan, so there was quite a rub there, but everyone has realized that we all still love one another, regardless of our personal differences.
Jan 27, 2011 1:11am
I

I Wear Pants

Senior Member

16,223 posts
Jan 27, 2011 1:20 AM
Are you passionate about your political views and is he? If so it could be a problem. But if you both just sort of passivly hold your opinions, watch the news, vote, etc but don't really get involved or invested in your views it probably wouldn't be a problem.
Jan 27, 2011 1:20am
C

cbus4life

Ignorant

2,849 posts
Jan 27, 2011 1:22 AM
Core beliefs are the same, but we obviously don't agree on everything.
Jan 27, 2011 1:22am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Jan 27, 2011 6:35 AM
Listen to him. Be open to his views. Hold to your core convictions but he many open you to new approaches and ideologies and in turn you may do the same for him.

I knew everything when I was 25 years old...that was until I met my wife and learned that the more educated I became, the more I understood how little i knew.

A significant other has an ability to open your eyes to the world far beyond what anyone else can. Share that gift with each other. Don't run form it.
Jan 27, 2011 6:35am
CenterBHSFan's avatar

CenterBHSFan

333 - I'm only half evil

6,115 posts
Jan 27, 2011 7:35 AM
Con Alma pretty much nails it. Especially this part: I knew everything when I was 25 years old
Jan 27, 2011 7:35am
S

Sonofanump

Jan 27, 2011 7:56 AM
ytownfootball;654902 wrote:

I mean, there are things that transcend all others.

My thoughts exactly.
Jan 27, 2011 7:56am
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Jan 27, 2011 8:37 AM
ytownfootball;654902 wrote:

I mean, there are things that transcend all others.

I was just googling a pic of them when I saw this, lol.



I am just happy than him and I will get along great :p Okay not really I know that's not what's important here. I will just repeat what I said on Sunday...I really don't think it could hurt to give him a chance. It is slightly tricky because of who your best friends are but he does not strike me as the type to hold anything against anyone if it weren't to work out. My ex is best friends with my brother and although it was awkward when we first split things are fine now. Obviously I love and respect my brother and so does he so I think we both knew we needed to get along for his sake.

And I don't think you should go in with the idea that you need to "change him" because your views don't match. You wouldn't want him to try to change your mind so it wouldn't really be fair to try to change his. You need to ultimately decide whether you can live with him the way he is right now in case he does not or will not change his core ideals. Might he change his mind on some thing eventually? Sure. But just in case he doesn't you should be prepared. And otrap definitely makes some good points about his personal views and how he would interact with your brother.
Jan 27, 2011 8:37am
OSH's avatar

OSH

Kosh B'Gosh

4,145 posts
Jan 27, 2011 8:42 AM
O-Trap;654875 wrote:I would say it depends on how large a role your views play in your everyday life.
justincredible;654876 wrote:I would have a hard time dating someone that didn't share my same ideals. Sure, my wife and I don't agree on EVERYTHING but our core beliefs are pretty much identical.
I would say there is a lot of truth to both of these statements.

I am an outspoken guy, so I couldn't (and wouldn't) have married a girl that sees things similarly than I. I want to make sure the kids are raised in a loving house without arguing over petty things like politics, guns, etc. We'll be able to raise them so they can make decisions on their own, like we both were raised. Our parents are both conservative, I am that small town country boy and she is that suburban princess. But we have very similar beliefs on many different areas. We are both interested in the same things. We have the same passions and desires for where we want to be, go, do, and what we want in life. I could not imagine having my significant other being that radically different than me, it just wouldn't work for me.

I had a coach one time, he was white and he married a black girl. He was conservative and she was very liberal. He was all about the sport he coached and she HATED it. He ate meat and she was a vegetarian. At the time, he lived in Kentucky (and they ended up moving there when they got married) and she hated Kentucky. They were pretty much different in everything it seemed. It worked for them, it wouldn't work for me. But it could and does work for others.
Jan 27, 2011 8:42am
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
Jan 27, 2011 8:44 AM
Who are the people in that picture? Admittedly, I don't recognize either.
Jan 27, 2011 8:44am
ytownfootball's avatar

ytownfootball

Bold faced liar...

6,978 posts
Jan 27, 2011 8:46 AM
O-Trap;654986 wrote:Who are the people in that picture? Admittedly, I don't recognize either.

James Carville and Mary Matalin

Diametrically opposed in politics but married.
Jan 27, 2011 8:46am