Ohio Chatter
Ohio Chatter

Forums

All Threads Serious Business Sports Politics Archive Pick 'ems
Log In Create Account

Elderly friend advice

Home ▸ Archive ▸ Serious Business ▸ Elderly friend advice
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:02 AM
I have a friend that is 81. He told me yesterday that he is going to change his will and cut his family out of it. He was not specific, but it sounded like he is going to leave most everything to a friend he just met in the last six months. He doesn't live that close to his family and he sounds like he might be a little mad at them for not being there as he's getting older. (I don't really think it's there fault because he moved to Columbus a long time ago and doesn't like to go back home, which is where all of his family is located.) I don't care what he does with his money, but I want to make sure he isn't being taken advantage of.

Any advice? He just told me this yesterday and the next time I see him I want to talk to him about it.
Oct 22, 2010 9:02am
gerb131's avatar

gerb131

Senior Member

9,932 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:07 AM
[video=youtube;jZwLsvO6YTw][/video]
Oct 22, 2010 9:07am
T

Tiernan

Senior Member

13,021 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:07 AM
Did he say "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy." ?
Oct 22, 2010 9:07am
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:09 AM
I guess if you don't know the friend of six months you could always run a public records check to see if this is a pattern with that person. There are certainly plenty of similar scams going around right now.

If your friend is uncomfortable in leaving anything to his family he could leave some money to his church or other charitable organization he desires.
Oct 22, 2010 9:09am
S

SnotBubbles

Oct 22, 2010 9:22 AM
Frankly, it's non of your business (and I say that in the kindest way possibly). His possessions are what he worked for his whole life and it is completely his decision as to what he wants to do with them when he passes away. It's his final wish, if the person he leaves it all to is his best friend in his final days/months/years....they've earned it. Your final times are the most important times to a lot of people, it's when you need someone the most. Often that person who "steps in" is the person who is rewarded, because they are the one who made the elderly person's final days the best.

My advice is to stay out of it. Let him do as he pleases.
Oct 22, 2010 9:22am
RedRider1's avatar

RedRider1

Senior Member

3,850 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:22 AM
it's his deal...maybe just ask that he's sure this person is trustworthy.....other than that, there isn't much you can say without risking offending him.
Oct 22, 2010 9:22am
sherm03's avatar

sherm03

I go balls deep.

7,349 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:32 AM
Tiernan;528436 wrote:Did he say "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy." ?

LOL. I immediately thought of this song when I was reading the first post.


As for the question at hand, I can understand your concern for your friend...but he needs to make his own decisions. If I were you, I would not tell him that you think he's doing anything wrong. It's not your place to question his choices with his money.
Oct 22, 2010 9:32am
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:35 AM
I get that it's none of my business. :) But he's not as sharp as he used to be and he gets confused sometimes. He will admit that. He seemed very with it when he talked to me about it, but it just seems a little strange. He was going to donate his house to a charity, but now he said he's thinking maybe it would be better to give it to someone who needs it. And then he told me he was going to cut his family out of his will and he wants to make sure they don't find out about it. That part was some legal BS that I didn't really understand, but he wants to make sure they can't tell he just changed it. I'm hoping his new friend isn't out to just get his money.

I don't think I will get anything from this one way or the other. I just don't want my friend to be taken advantage of.
Oct 22, 2010 9:35am
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Oct 22, 2010 9:41 AM
I don't see the harm in having one more conversation with him about it. If he is really your friend he will understand that you are just concerned. If he doesn't change his mind I would leave it at that.
Oct 22, 2010 9:41am
TedSheckler's avatar

TedSheckler

Emporium Entrepreneur

3,974 posts
Oct 22, 2010 10:40 AM
SnotBubbles;528446 wrote:Frankly, it's non of your business (and I say that in the kindest way possibly). His possessions are what he worked for his whole life and it is completely his decision as to what he wants to do with them when he passes away. It's his final wish, if the person he leaves it all to is his best friend in his final days/months/years....they've earned it. Your final times are the most important times to a lot of people, it's when you need someone the most. Often that person who "steps in" is the person who is rewarded, because they are the one who made the elderly person's final days the best.

My advice is to stay out of it. Let him do as he pleases.
Anna Nicole Smith agrees.
Oct 22, 2010 10:40am
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
Oct 22, 2010 12:19 PM
You can't necessarily say that this is --not-- your business. There are times when looking the other way is the cowardly way out.

You wouldn't leave a seven-year-old free to handle their financial affairs - and unfortunately, many older people are out there operating at that level. Sadly, one the first things you lose in the early stages of Alzheimer's and other degenerative diseases of the thought process is the ability to manage financial affairs and evaluate personal relationships.

I'm currently the full POA for my Dad (also 81 -yikes!-) and two older people I've know for many years through my church - and I also manage my mother-in-law's financial affairs (more out of incompetence on her part than age). I would say I have fend off a fraud attempt on each of these people at least once a year.

From experience, I'd say that the age and relationship of this gentleman's newly found friend is a very important consideration. As a compromise, you might suggest that the friend be included in the inheritance pool - say, split the inheritance four ways instead of three. This gives him a way to accommodate his wishes without flushing the whole amount down the tubes. If his friend expresses unhappiness at getting just a share or starts to run down the rest of the family in an attempt to influence him, you're looking at a con artist.
Oct 22, 2010 12:19pm
power i's avatar

power i

Senior Member

1,296 posts
Oct 22, 2010 12:29 PM
Kiss his ass and maybe the 'new friend' could be you. ;)
Oct 22, 2010 12:29pm
Heretic's avatar

Heretic

Son of the Sun

18,820 posts
Oct 22, 2010 12:52 PM
power i;528620 wrote:Kiss his ass and maybe the 'new friend' could be you. ;)

That's what I was thinking.
Oct 22, 2010 12:52pm
hasbeen's avatar

hasbeen

Excuse me, Flo?

6,504 posts
Oct 22, 2010 12:55 PM
If he thinks you two are friends, he shouldn't have a problem with you being concerned.
Oct 22, 2010 12:55pm
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Oct 22, 2010 2:07 PM
Cat Food Flambe';528602 wrote:You can't necessarily say that this is --not-- your business. There are times when looking the other way is the cowardly way out.
I agree with the other posters that this might not be any of my business. He can do whatever he wants with his money, inheritance, etc. But I also agree with you and I just want to make sure he's making the decisions he wants and not being pushed or coerced into something that he might not otherwise do.
Cat Food Flambe';528602 wrote:Sadly, one the first things you lose in the early stages of Alzheimer's and other degenerative diseases of the thought process is the ability to manage financial affairs and evaluate personal relationships.
I don't thnink Alzheimer's is an issue, but he's a pretty smart guy and some days in the last couple of years he just isn't as sharp. He even admits it later. I think sometimes it's due to some of the medication he's on.
Cat Food Flambe';528602 wrote:I'm currently the full POA for my Dad (also 81 -yikes!-) and two older people I've know for many years through my church - and I also manage my mother-in-law's financial affairs (more out of incompetence on her part than age). I would say I have fend off a fraud attempt on each of these people at least once a year.

From experience, I'd say that the age and relationship of this gentleman's newly found friend is a very important consideration. As a compromise, you might suggest that the friend be included in the inheritance pool - say, split the inheritance four ways instead of three. This gives him a way to accommodate his wishes without flushing the whole amount down the tubes. If his friend expresses unhappiness at getting just a share or starts to run down the rest of the family in an attempt to influence him, you're looking at a con artist.

I'm not even sure exactly what he wants to leave to who. As long as he's making sound decisions I don't care who he leaves what. But I'm not exactly sure how to approach him about it. He didn't explicitly say he wanted to leave everything to the new guy, only that he's changing plans and doesn't want his family to know about it. That sounded very very fishy to me.
Oct 22, 2010 2:07pm
Sykotyk's avatar

Sykotyk

Senior Member

1,155 posts
Oct 22, 2010 4:13 PM
If you really are his friend, he should be willing to listen to you (as long as your argument isn't why you should leave all/most of it to you).

As for what's stated, it's his money, he can do as he pleases. But, if he wants to leave it to someone he met recently, make sure not only does he update his will but he lets his attorney know and give reasons (maybe a videorecorded statement who AND why he's giving the money to that person) that way the family can't try to argue that it was simply a case of someone taking advantage of an well-off elderly person in their final days.

Sykotyk
Oct 22, 2010 4:13pm
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
Oct 22, 2010 4:28 PM
^^^ excellent idea...
Oct 22, 2010 4:28pm
j_crazy's avatar

j_crazy

7 gram rocks. how i roll.

8,372 posts
Oct 22, 2010 4:42 PM
Tiernan;528436 wrote:Did he say "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy." ?


first thing that popped into my mind.



honeslty i have no advice that could help this situation.
Oct 22, 2010 4:42pm
darbypitcher22's avatar

darbypitcher22

Senior Member

8,000 posts
Oct 22, 2010 6:50 PM
I'd be looking out for him and making sure this ends up ok. I wouldn't want your friend to get scammed
Oct 22, 2010 6:50pm
redfalcon's avatar

redfalcon

Senior Member

1,088 posts
Oct 22, 2010 7:07 PM
Hmm interesting. I would have to say that if it was the old man's idea, then no problem. If the guy he is leaving everything to brought it up, however, then there could be a big problem.
Oct 22, 2010 7:07pm
B

berry

Senior Member

475 posts
Oct 24, 2010 4:47 PM
Don't say anything. Chances are he will forget everything he told you by the next time you meet.
Oct 24, 2010 4:47pm
I

I Wear Pants

Senior Member

16,223 posts
Oct 25, 2010 12:29 AM
berry;531053 wrote:Don't say anything. Chances are he will forget everything he told you by the next time you meet.
Not every elderly person has Alzheimer's.
Oct 25, 2010 12:29am
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Oct 25, 2010 11:11 AM
ttt
Oct 25, 2010 11:11am