Jokes

Dr Winston O'Boogie Senior Member
3,345 posts 23 reps Joined Oct 2010
Wed, Sep 9, 2020 4:47 PM

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix.

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples , Florida.

Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his dick.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama .

Feeling the spirit of the newfound honesty, Mary admits that Jim's fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.


Gardens35 Senior Member
5,888 posts 35 reps Joined Nov 2009
Wed, Sep 9, 2020 5:42 PM

It's way too long to type, but the punch line is "That means there's  more fucking ducks in that lake than you can shake a stick at".


BRF Senior Member
11,621 posts 86 reps Joined Nov 2009
Wed, Sep 9, 2020 8:40 PM

I hate long ass jokes. 

It’s a tl;dr for me. 

I know a guy who does this and he admits he enjoys the lure in and making it long to deliver the lame punch line.  After a couple of his party deliveries, I just walked out of the room (mid joke).


So...............


It’s hard to explain jokes to kleptomaniacs because they always take everything literally.

cat_lover Senior Member
3,629 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009
Wed, Sep 9, 2020 9:09 PM

A World War II vet was giving a talk to ladies church group. His talk started with "these fokkers come from the left and we chased them off,then these fokkers come from the right and we chased them off" The minister said now ladies a fokker is an airplane. The War vet said yeah but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidt's!!

BRF Senior Member
11,621 posts 86 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sat, Sep 12, 2020 8:32 PM

A large woman went to the doctor for a physical. At the end of the appointment, the doctor says “Here’s the deal. Your fat”. The woman says “How dare you say that. I want a second opinion”. The doctor says “OK, you’re ugly, too!”.

queencitybuckeye Senior Member
8,068 posts 108 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Sep 13, 2020 8:06 AM

One that reminds me of a couple of posters around here:


How many Trumpers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trump tells them it’s working and they all sit in the dark and applaud him.

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