sherm03;1743436 wrote:It's not selfish at all. Monty's post is just stupid.

Let me invite you to a really fun party, feed you delicious food, give you tons of free booze...you get to have a great time and you even get a small gift for attending.

/selfish

sherm03;1743436 wrote:It's not selfish at all. Monty's post is just stupid.

I had a big wedding too (mainly my wife) but I just didn't see the point in it.

We're in love with each other. It doesn't feel necessary to have everyone else there while we officially tied the knot.

Fab4Runner;1743440 wrote:Let me invite you to a really fun party, feed you delicious food, give you tons of free booze...you get to have a great time and you even get a small gift for attending.

/selfish

The food/booze/gift doesn't apply to every wedding.

HitsRus;1743274 wrote:Other suggestions....
No kids is a great idea...when the guest list has limits, you can invite more of your adult friends....and nothing kills a party like 4 yearolds running around the dance floor.

Terrible idea. I refuse to go to weddings where that's the case. You won't get a gift either.

My wife and I have two small kids, we are not in a place that offers good daycare or babysitting. We will bring our kids with us wherever we go. We went to one this way at the beginning of June, just stupid. Everyone that was invited was basically from out-of-town. The couple knew the area, and the groom's mom and dad lived there. That's it. There was also 3-4 hours between FULL MASS (yuck) and the reception. Awful. Second time I've been to a wedding like that too. Such a pain and a hassle.

One of the things that irritates me more than anything about weddings is when the bride/groom don't care about the guests that come. To me, this is an example -- there are families coming from different areas (possibly) and you refuse to allow the whole family? Just don't invite me and I'll be okay.

Commander of Awesome;1743378 wrote:During football season too! Surprised you had anyone show up. Wedding on OSU/Browns game day = instant "ahh sorry I can't make it" for me.

Yea I thought about that. Luckily, we had an evening wedding and OSU was playing Indiana. I was able to catch some of the game.

OSH;1743469 wrote:Terrible idea. I refuse to go to weddings where that's the case. You won't get a gift either.

My wife and I have two small kids, we are not in a place that offers good daycare or babysitting. We will bring our kids with us wherever we go. We went to one this way at the beginning of June, just stupid. Everyone that was invited was basically from out-of-town. The couple knew the area, and the groom's mom and dad lived there. That's it. There was also 3-4 hours between FULL MASS (yuck) and the reception. Awful. Second time I've been to a wedding like that too. Such a pain and a hassle.

One of the things that irritates me more than anything about weddings is when the bride/groom don't care about the guests that come. To me, this is an example -- there are families coming from different areas (possibly) and you refuse to allow the whole family? Just don't invite me and I'll be okay.

This was a hot topic during our planning process too. It basically boils down to the bride and groom (or their families) not wanting to pay for your kids' meals. For us, if your child was young enough to sit by themselves (5+ years), they couldn't come. But infants and toddlers were ok. We made exceptions for close relatives. If you allow people to bring kids, then your guest list get can get out of hand fairly quickly.

OSH;1743469 wrote:Terrible idea. I refuse to go to weddings where that's the case. You won't get a gift either.

My wife and I have two small kids, we are not in a place that offers good daycare or babysitting. We will bring our kids with us wherever we go. We went to one this way at the beginning of June, just stupid. Everyone that was invited was basically from out-of-town. The couple knew the area, and the groom's mom and dad lived there. That's it. There was also 3-4 hours between FULL MASS (yuck) and the reception. Awful. Second time I've been to a wedding like that too. Such a pain and a hassle.

One of the things that irritates me more than anything about weddings is when the bride/groom don't care about the guests that come. To me, this is an example -- there are families coming from different areas (possibly) and you refuse to allow the whole family? Just don't invite me and I'll be okay.

raiderbuck;1743470 wrote:
This was a hot topic during our planning process too. It basically boils down to the bride and groom (or their families) not wanting to pay for your kids' meals. For us, if your child was young enough to sit by themselves (5+ years), they couldn't come. But infants and toddlers were ok. We made exceptions for close relatives. If you allow people to bring kids, then your guest list get can get out of hand fairly quickly.

In the vast majority of cases, guests with children should be able to line up and babysitter for one night, especially when you have a minimum of 6 weeks (but usually many months) notice. My brother and his wife have two small children, and they are perfectly fine with no kids weddings. They line up a sitter, and then have a great evening. If I was having an "out of town" wedding, it would be a different story. I wouldn't expect anyone to leave town for a weekend without their kids in tow. Infants are also in a category of their own because of breastfeeding and all that jazz.

All that said, we plan to provide babysitting for any guests with kids who cannot find one themselves. It will probably be at the hotel where the block of rooms will be, or possibly even at my parents house. I already have the sitters lined up.

To me, it's not really about the food or the guest list getting out of hand (although it can be a huge issue). I just don't want a ton of kids running around and screaming all night. There were 30-40 children at a wedding I was in about two years ago, and it gave me anxiety just being around that chaos. The dance floor was a nightmare, and the noise...dear god the noise. Plus, I want my guests (especially those with kids) to cut loose and have a good time. Enjoy the booze, dance, do whatever you want...without having to be on kid duty all night.

In the vast majority of cases, guests with children should be able to line up and babysitter for one night, especially when you have a minimum of 6 weeks (but usually many months) notice

This.
Don't parents with kids go out on the town every once in while? You get a baby sitter and you go out for the evening.

I refuse to go to weddings where that's the case. You won't get a gift either.

Your choice to send a gift should not be dependent on such a reason, but rather your relationship with the couple. There are plenty of reasons not to attend a wedding, and over the years I've declined invitations but sent gifts anyway. Not sending a gift to a close friend or family member because it was an adults only reception seems kind of petty.

raiderbuck;1743470 wrote:It basically boils down to the bride and groom (or their families) not wanting to pay for your kids' meals. For us, if your child was young enough to sit by themselves (5+ years), they couldn't come. But infants and toddlers were ok.

That's the first I've heard of this being the case. Just reinforces my suggestion to just get finger foods, don't have to worry about "paying for kids meals."

Fab4Runner;1743478 wrote:In the vast majority of cases, guests with children should be able to line up and babysitter for one night, especially when you have a minimum of 6 weeks (but usually many months) notice. My brother and his wife have two small children, and they are perfectly fine with no kids weddings. They line up a sitter, and then have a great evening. If I was having an "out of town" wedding, it would be a different story. I wouldn't expect anyone to leave town for a weekend without their kids in tow. Infants are also in a category of their own because of breastfeeding and all that jazz.

All that said, we plan to provide babysitting for any guests with kids who cannot find one themselves. It will probably be at the hotel where the block of rooms will be, or possibly even at my parents house. I already have the sitters lined up.

There were 30-40 children at a wedding I was in about two years ago, and it gave me anxiety just being around that chaos. The dance floor was a nightmare, and the noise...dear god the noise. Plus, I want my guests (especially those with kids) to cut loose and have a good time. Enjoy the booze, dance, do whatever you want...without having to be on kid duty all night.

Lining up babysitting is a great idea for those out-of-towners (which we mostly always are). The wedding our kids were reception-rejected from was 7 hours away. Ain't no way I can line babysitting up 7 hours away in a city I don't know. I also am not going to leave my kids at the house with a babysitter when we can take them with us AND get to see family at the same time.

I got married 5 hours away from my family. I would not have any family in town if I reception-rejected their kids. My wife's family came from 12 hours away (extended family, her immediate family lived thereby). Same goes for them. We also have many college friends that came back around, several had kids. I will leave it up to my guests on what they want to do with their kids. If they want to "cut loose" and not worry, then they can find a babysitter. If they are like my wife and I, they can have a good time with the kids around and have zero worries.

HitsRus;1743479 wrote:Don't parents with kids go out on the town every once in while? You get a baby sitter and you go out for the evening.

Your choice to send a gift should not be dependent on such a reason, but rather your relationship with the couple. There are plenty of reasons not to attend a wedding, and over the years I've declined invitations but sent gifts anyway. Not sending a gift to a close friend or family member because it was an adults only reception seems kind of petty.

We very rarely go "out on the town" because there's no need to. We enjoy spending time with the family. We also don't have the money to go out OR just pawn our kids off to a babysitter more than we already do. If the gift should be given based on the relationship, then the invite is probably done the same. So, couple knows we (or whoever is invited) have kids, do not refuse our kids the opportunity to celebrate with you OR you'll just not have us either.

It is even more petty to not allow kids at a reception because someone doesn't want the kids out of control. Just don't invite the members if you don't want their kids. It's up to the parents to have their kids under control. Everyone knows who has control of their kids and who doesn't.

OSH;1743486 wrote:That's the first I've heard of this being the case. Just reinforces my suggestion to just get finger foods, don't have to worry about "paying for kids meals."



Lining up babysitting is a great idea for those out-of-towners (which we mostly always are). The wedding our kids were reception-rejected from was 7 hours away. Ain't no way I can line babysitting up 7 hours away in a city I don't know. I also am not going to leave my kids at the house with a babysitter when we can take them with us AND get to see family at the same time.

I got married 5 hours away from my family. I would not have any family in town if I reception-rejected their kids. My wife's family came from 12 hours away (extended family, her immediate family lived thereby). Same goes for them. We also have many college friends that came back around, several had kids. I will leave it up to my guests on what they want to do with their kids. If they want to "cut loose" and not worry, then they can find a babysitter. If they are like my wife and I, they can have a good time with the kids around and have zero worries.


We very rarely go "out on the town" because there's no need to. We enjoy spending time with the family. We also don't have the money to go out OR just pawn our kids off to a babysitter more than we already do. If the gift should be given based on the relationship, then the invite is probably done the same. So, couple knows we (or whoever is invited) have kids, do not refuse our kids the opportunity to celebrate with you OR you'll just not have us either.

It is even more petty to not allow kids at a reception because someone doesn't want the kids out of control. Just don't invite the members if you don't want their kids. It's up to the parents to have their kids under control. Everyone knows who has control of their kids and who doesn't.

You could always not go and stay home with your kids.

I come from a large family, and remember weddings being with and without kids growing up. I remember several weddings where I ended up at some house with a bunch of other cousins while our parents partied at the reception. I don't remember having babysitters, just the older cousins (probably 12+) watching all the younger ones.

BoatShoes;1743502 wrote:You could always not go and stay home with your kids.

Which is what we will do. We didn't know about this restricted invite until a week before. Plans were already made to travel, and kids got to see their grandparents.

We said, "no" to the reception and spent time around St. Louis as a family.

OSH;1743548 wrote: We didn't know about this restricted invite until a week before.

That's pretty shitty

Seems like every wedding we're invited to now requests no children. I couldn't give a fuck either way if there are kids.
Personally, I don't like going to weddings. The whole process is a huge pain in the ass and typically the only thing that makes it tolerable is will there be free alcohol.

HitsRus;1743274 wrote:Just to add my two cents...let me make this clear. The wedding ceremony is all about the Bride... but the reception is for the GUESTS. If you are a no class low life and/or your invitees to your reception are likely to show up in jeans/shorts and a T-shirt, just by a lot of alcohol and serve some cheap food. Have your buddy play music from his computer

However, if your bride is registered at a real department store (not Target) and your guests are likely to be in suits, sport coats, dresses etc., spend some money and show them some appreciation for the generous wedding gifts they bought you, and for dressing appropriately. You don't have to spend $40K plus to have a great wedding that you and people will remember, but you CAN'T GO CHEAP. People ALWAYS remember cheap ass weddings....don't be that guy/gal. You are only gonna do this once....make it memorable.


The worst wedding that I have ever went to, had no alcohol available (not open bar or for purchase)...except for the wedding party who managed to get sloshed driving around town taking pictures and kept their guests waiting for almost an hour. Meanwhile back at the reception hall, cheap homemade centerpieces adorned folding tables and chairs. The refreshments available were some punch and homemade cookies and cheap hors d'ouerves that ran out in 15 minutes. Those that did stick around for dinner, probably wished they hadn't.
The moral of the story is, If you are going to be cheap, just elope and forget about it.

I agree with a lot of this. We went to one last year where not only was it dry, the only thing they had to drink was water, coffee, or iced tea. If you're not going to serve alcohol, at least give me some mountain dew. That wedding sucked.

I bolded a couple parts because I think people will always remember weddings regardless of whether it was fun or not. My cousin, who I seem to dislike more and more every year, got married last September. They live in Canada not far from Niagara Falls, minutes from the border. They had the rehearsal dinner and ceremony in Canada, then the reception in Buffalo. A wedding in two different countries. The bride was literally an hour late. It was suppose to start at 1pm, didn't start until 2pm because her family sucks.

So, couple knows we (or whoever is invited) have kids, do not refuse our kids the opportunity to celebrate with you OR you'll just not have us either.

Some things are meant to be "adults only", and that is the kind of recpetion this couple is having. Knowing full well you have kids, they chose to invite you, as you are friends, and most couples with enough notice should be able to find a baby sitter. If "adults only" was not on their invite and you only found out 1 week before the event, then the faux pas is on them.
But if "reception adults only" is stated on your invitation, and I've never seen/been to one that wasn't, then your refusal to send a gift based on the the sentiment you expressed, is on you.

I've honestly never heard of such a thing, never even was mentioned between my wife and I. We invited our families, and our families have kids.

OSH;1743486 wrote:That's the first I've heard of this being the case. Just reinforces my suggestion to just get finger foods, don't have to worry about "paying for kids meals."

That may work for some. But it didn't work for us. We preferred a cocktail hour with a sit down dinner. Plus, our caterer didn't have the option to provide true "kid's meals." Buffet was more expensive too. I'm need feeding my guests sandwiches at a semi-formal event.

Not inviting kids may seem harsh to the parents of those kids, but when you factor in that someone else is paying for your meals and drinks you realize that it's not that unheard of. Even still, if someone on our list had an issue with not finding a babysitter, we would make some accommodations for them. We're not total assholes, haha.

I think we were under $8000 for 450 people including open bar. But that was 15 years ago and we had connections on food, photogrpher, dj.

friendfromlowry;1743731 wrote: Personally, I don't like going to weddings. The whole process is a huge pain in the ass.

I agree with this. They're not fun 90% of the time. Only weddings I enjoy going to, a VERY close friend getting married with other of my close friends attending. Outside of that I'd rather not go than go. Not like you get to hang out with the couple anyways, so wgaf?

Irish Wakes are usually more fun than Irish Weddings...only difference really is one less drunk Irishman.

I can't wait! I'm already working on lining up a +1 lol!

Fab4Runner;1743046 wrote:Where was your wedding, and how much did you pay for it?

My fiancé and I are in the midst of planning, and let me just say that it fucking sucks.

Serious advice here...do you want to have money to have a nice honeymoon and house/life afterwards or have a huge wedding and nothing after?

My wife and I spent a TOTAL of $4000 on our wedding 15 years ago, (about $7000 now) and that included her dress.

We had about 250 guests, had the reception at the church that we got married in, had family make the food, etc.

Of course, we were poor and in college at the time.

Go cheap and save for your life together. If we had gone "big" for our wedding we would have not been able to afford a honeymoon, AT ALL. Instead we went on a 7 day cruise and had money left over.

GO CHEAP, a wedding can be well under $10k if you are smart about it. It is one day vs a lifetime of things like a home, etc.

If someone wants to pay for the whole thing and says "your budget is $40k", honestly ask them if you can go $10k and use the other $30k for a down payment on a house.

Fab4Runner;1743071 wrote:To me, $8000-$10,000 is a reasonable amount. My fiancé thinks we should spend $5k on a wedding for 175ish people (huge families, can't really be helped). I think he is fairly crazy.

Your fiancé isn't crazy, we did it for $4k...15 years ago which is more like 6-7K now...and we had over 300 people.

Friend of ours was a cake decorator, that was our gift from her.
Preacher was a friend, got the venue for free (did give a donation).
Family made the food.
Reception had no alcohol (her dad is a preacher, would have never flown)
For 175 people $5k is definitely doable, but tight.

jmog;1743861 wrote:Your fiancé isn't crazy, we did it for $4k...15 years ago which is more like 6-7K now...and we had over 300 people.

Friend of ours was a cake decorator, that was our gift from her.
Preacher was a friend, got the venue for free (did give a donation).
Family made the food.
Reception had no alcohol (her dad is a preacher, would have never flown)
For 175 people $5k is definitely doable, but tight.

We already own a home, so saving for a down payment isn't an issue for us. We will definitely go on a honeymoon, but the destination hasn't been decided yet.

Like I said, $8,000-$10,000 is my goal, and I don't think that's super extravagant.

Fab4Runner;1743874 wrote: Like I said, $8,000-$10,000 is my goal, and I don't think that's super extravagant.

It's not extravagant, but it's money that could be pulled into something else/saved/invested/etc.