In the past year I've lost 2 of my uncles in 2 very different ways. I'm not posting this asking for "Prayers from Newark" or "Victory in Jebus." It just go me thinking....how would you rather go of those two options?

Option 1- My uncle battled a brain tumor for roughly 2 years before passing away last winter. Yes, he died in a lot of pain...but he also got to say his goodbyes, make amends, get things lined up for his death and was ready to go. It was easier on the family because it was expected and we all got to speak our peace.

Option 2- Yesterday my 56 year old uncle woke up, got ready for work, sat on the couch to put his socks on and died on the couch (sock still in hand) of a suspected heart attack. It was totally unexpected, he hadn't had health issues and was not overweight, etc. He died with little to no pain...but he didn't get to say goodbyes, make amends, get things lined up for his death (other than the little pre-planning most typically do) and (I assume) wasn't really ready to go. This has been hard on the family because we didn't get to speak our peace.

So of the two options, do you take the pain in order to prepare yourself for death, or do you take the "lights out" method and leave a lot of loose ends and family pain?

Prayers, snot. Sorry to hear about your losses.

I think I'd rather have time to say my goodbyes. If I passed right now, my wife would not be ready to handle the things that need to be done, like paying off the bills, etc.

Sorry for your loss snot. I lost my dad in 97' of a sudden heart attack while jogging in the gym after school. I never got to say goodbye and that haunts me still. I would say getting to say goodbye to your loved ones would be worth the agony of suffering through a lingering illness.

I want to go by having 192 dildoes super glued to my body and then thrown into a mosh pit of lesbians.

It may seem overwhelming at the time and hard on the family...but who's going out here, you or the deceased? Why would you want to see a family member suffer in pain for a couple years just so they can "get things in order" and other family can "speak their peace"? I'm alot closer to this moment than most of you and believe me the "turn out the lights" option appears much more appealing.

Tiernan;1602928 wrote:It may seem overwhelming at the time and hard on the family...but who's going out here, you or the deceased? Why would you want to see a family member suffer in pain for a couple years just so they can "get things in order" and other family can "speak their peace"? I'm alot closer to this moment than most of you and believe me the "turn out the lights" option appears much more appealing.

Hey stupid fuck, it's "How would YOU Rather Go?"

and is that not what I said dipshit? "I'd rather go quick"...I was just pointing out the rest of you are selfish pricks.

I think I'd rather just go abruptly.

Saying goodbye and preparing yourself for death doesn't seem like a way to go. At least if you died abruptly you wouldn't suffer mental anguish.

ernest_t_bass;1602930 wrote:Hey stupid fuck, it's "How would YOU Rather Go?"

Maybe he'll drop dead from alcohol poisoning while typing his next post.

No such luck assho

Tiernan;1602933 wrote:and is that not what I said dipshit? "I'd rather go quick"...I was just pointing out the rest of you are selfish pricks.

LOL. Selfish, by saying we'd want to stick around a little bit, to say our goodbyes, and get things in order?

I guess you can't drink all day, if you don't start in the morning. Cheers, Tearnan.

I know a guy in his mid 50's with cancer who was given a 2 to 6 month prognosis by his docs 3 months ago. The time has given him the ability to get his estate in order which will be a great help to those who will manage his affairs once he is gone. He cashed in one of his retirement accounts and has done some traveling to Europe and around the US. He refuses to let people treat him as "the dying guy". Though he obviously looks like a cancer patient and continues his chemo treatments, he is living life to its fullest, as best he can for as long as he can.

For me personally since I am close to the guy, it is almost surreal to hear him say things like, "After I die, make sure 'so and so' gets 'such and such'"; or "I'm having T-shirts printed up that I want passed out to people who come to my wake" (yes, party favors for calling hours!).

I guess if I was given a cancer death sentence like he got, I'd turn it around and make it as much of a life sentence as I could, just as he is doing.

My preference would be for it to happen to me quickly like the OP's second uncle.

ernest_t_bass;1602943 wrote:LOL. Selfish, by saying we'd want to stick around a little bit, to say our goodbyes, and get things in order?

I'm thinking along the same lines Tiernan was, even if he is a douche.

After I'm dead, it doesn't really matter how my family reacts or doesn't react since I'll be dead and won't see the reaction.

However, the impact of me abruptly dying is probably less stressful in the long run, rather than me dying slowly of a terminal illness.

It isn't an easy question. As long as you have your will, funeral plans and other affairs in place, option 2. Seen too many family members suffer Alzheimer's or Parkinson's for a dozen years or more, or live with cancer for a couple of years in pain. That isn't quality of life.

The quick-n-easy heart attack bit for me. Mainly because there is a history of Altz in the family and I'd prefer not to die in a way that involves me being a semi-veggie who can't remember anything. Probably a part of the reason why I never thought Kevorkian should have been messed with.

I think either way can be considered selfish. I see pros and cons to both. I don't want to suffer, and I don't want a loved one to suffer. But I also want it to be as easy on my family as possible, and I want their deaths to be as easy on me as possible, which would likely be the extended goodbye scenario. I really can't decide.

Manhattan Buckeye;1602949 wrote:It isn't an easy question. As long as you have your will, funeral plans and other affairs in place, option 2. Seen too many family members suffer Alzheimer's or Parkinson's for a dozen years or more, or live with cancer for a couple of years in pain. That isn't quality of life.

This, rather use all my time on earth to enjoy life and not spend my last few weeks/months/years preparing to die.

I'd like a heads up to clear my browser history.

Apple;1602946 wrote:He cashed in one of his retirement accounts and has done some traveling to Europe and around the US.

It sounds nice on paper, but you have to wonder how much someone who is dying would enjoy such a trip. I think my impending death would weigh me down.

dlazz;1602948 wrote:I'm thinking along the same lines Tiernan was, even if he is a douche.

After I'm dead, it doesn't really matter how my family reacts or doesn't react since I'll be dead and won't see the reaction.

However, the impact of me abruptly dying is probably less stressful in the long run, rather than me dying slowly of a terminal illness.

I care very much how my family/friends react and cope. I hope to have a will and funeral arrangements done long before I die. I don't want my family to have to deal with any unneeded stress, etc. I have already talked to my mom about what I would want if I passed away now, which is morbid and unsettling (mostly for her), but I am glad we all know what each member of the family would want.

I believe I have my ducks in order, my wife is a very strong woman very capable of handling the all aspect of living without me. I believe my family would be support of their mom and do whatever it takes to help her. The big house, big yard would have to go and that would be hard for her but it would provide addition fund to relocate to a smaller house or condo.
Seeing the family and my wife suffer with my painful demise is not my style, I never want to be a burden to anyone and I will not start at my death. I will go quickly and peaceful … maybe a gun shootout with a 4 time felon…

Fab4Runner;1602959 wrote:I care very much how my family/friends react and cope. I hope to have a will and funeral arrangements done long before I die. I don't want my family to have to deal with any unneeded stress, etc. I have already talked to my mom about what I would want if I passed away now, which is morbid and unsettling (mostly for her), but I am glad we all know what each member of the family would want.

I guess I'm morbid in the sense that when I'm dead, I don't care what happens. I mean, I'm dead after all. I can't do anything about it.

The only thing that irks me is if I died in a freakish way (like the girl who got struck by a hockey puck at a CBJ game). I wouldn't want my family to sue for damages for such a random ass occurrence. It just seems greedy to sue in such a case.

But again... Can't really control that so....

mucalum49;1602954 wrote:This, rather use all my time on earth to enjoy life and not spend my last few weeks/months/years preparing to die.

There are ways to prepare for death....everyone above 50 should have a living will, an estate plan and their financial records in order. Hell, probably everyone above 40 should do that.

As for the emotional aspect. There is a plan for that as well. Do something nice for your kids, grandchildren, nephews, nieces every day. Even if it is just an email congratulating them on their school play. When you leave home for work, or your spouse leaves home, tell them you love him/her. That seems like a better goodbye than living with Alzheimer's and don't even recognize your own kids.

dlazz;1602958 wrote:It sounds nice on paper, but you have to wonder how much someone who is dying would enjoy such a trip. I think my impending death would weigh me down.

His death has definitely been on his mind. He has beaten back cancer a few times during his life and he pretty much has known for years that he would eventually succumb to it. He told me that getting the 2-6 months prognosis was actually a relief and the weight of the world left his shoulders.

Note: I have 2 extra grave plots for sale… what to be buried beside Belly