ohiobucks1
Posts: 4,915
Jul 16, 2013 12:59pm
Take some ZZZquil (not Nyquil, just the sleeping part of Nyquil) tonight and itll help you sleep better. The best thing to do is to make sure you don't drink to forget and do something stupid. Stay calm and find something (for me it is always video games or sports) that will take your mind off of her. Be with you kid as much as possible because although it may remind you of her, itll also remind you that no matter what happens with your relationship with the mom, you made something beautiful that you can always love.
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Gardens35
Posts: 4,929
Jul 16, 2013 1:01pm
Impressed that no one posted the "Do her sister" line. Crimson, best wishes to all 3 of you.
Crimson streak
Posts: 9,002
Jul 16, 2013 1:03pm
Gardens35;1473265 wrote:Impressed that no one posted the "Do her sister" line. Crimson, best wishes to all 3 of you.
Her sister is 16 and ugly no thanks haha
Fab4Runner
Posts: 6,196
Jul 16, 2013 1:06pm
All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.Ironman92;1473254 wrote:My wife and I also had a kid about the same age as you guys....I had just turned 21 and she was barely 20. We didn't have that much of a past history at all....but in my mind it was just time to own up and grow up. We got married 4 months before she was born. I knew that pretty much no matter what I was going to make things work, fortunately my wife was the same and we did. About 18 1/2 years later we're as good as we've ever been and our daughter far exceeded anything that either of us ever did. I feel 100% that we did the right thing.
Reading your comments on this thread you just sound like Ross and Rachael from FRIENDS....you clearly have plenty of feelings for and she clearly still likes you or she'd be a bit of a hag more than likely. If she's at least partially willing and you are willing....you can make this work without too much trouble.
You will want to be there for a lot of stuff that little girl is going to do....if the ex eventually gets with someone else, no matter how good of a guy he is it will mess things up a bit for you and your daughter.
As for the instances where the little girl asks you questions like that.....just give her a "sure I miss mommy" and then immediately change the subject "hey let's go get some ice cream or go for a walk.
And when you need to be down and whine a little.....as much as most everyone on here is turned off by it, go ahead and do it on here and not with the people you are actually around. Don't be a Debbie Downer to the real people in your life.....do it on here if you have to.
I like to go by this in real life......88% of people don't care about your troubles and the other 12% are happy you have them.
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sportchampps
Posts: 7,361
Jul 16, 2013 1:14pm
Set aside a date night where you two can go out and have a good time weather it be just eating out seeing a movie or even playing putt putt.
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thavoice
Posts: 14,376
Jul 16, 2013 1:18pm
I don't think he meant it any malice in it. I think he meant that when the woman does find another guy, becomes the stepdad to his daughter, it will change some things because she will be around him more often on a daily basis and getting reared by him. It may not 'mess' things up but it can definitely change the dynamic a little bitFab4Runner;1473267 wrote:All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.
Fab4Runner
Posts: 6,196
Jul 16, 2013 1:19pm
I don't think he meant any malice, I am just making a statement based on my personal experience. I can see how it could happen, and I am sure it does, but it definitely did not in my situation.thavoice;1473276 wrote:I don't think he meant it any malice in it. I think he meant that when the woman does find another guy, becomes the stepdad to his daughter, it will change some things because she will be around him more often on a daily basis and getting reared by him. It may not 'mess' things up but it can definitely change the dynamic a little bit
TBone14
Posts: 6,383
Jul 16, 2013 1:26pm
Couple of things:
1. I am always surprised at the amount of good posts threads like this get on here. Most people are actually helpful and supportive of a total stranger when this board is usually full of sarcasm and hate.
2. To the OP: Time heals all wounds. Stay busy and just be the best damn dad you can be. Also, I saw a post of yours in the thread that said, 'who are you to judge me?'. I would just like to say that you did bring your issues to an internet message board so you are going to get the good with the bad.
1. I am always surprised at the amount of good posts threads like this get on here. Most people are actually helpful and supportive of a total stranger when this board is usually full of sarcasm and hate.
2. To the OP: Time heals all wounds. Stay busy and just be the best damn dad you can be. Also, I saw a post of yours in the thread that said, 'who are you to judge me?'. I would just like to say that you did bring your issues to an internet message board so you are going to get the good with the bad.
Ironman92
Posts: 49,363
Jul 16, 2013 1:28pm
Fab4Runner;1473267 wrote:All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.
That's really a great thing and I'm in no way trying to offend but while I believe your Dad is happy with your situation being very positive....I wonder even though he's happy if he's felt left out some? When you are with your family without him....I wonder if it was always good or a little depressing?
In the end only crimson can know what's best for him and his daughter.
hasbeen
Posts: 6,504
Jul 16, 2013 1:30pm
Been having a rough time myself. What's been helping me is, like everyone else said, stay busy. I've been whoring myself out playing softball. I've spent more time coaching than normal and thankfully summer school started so I've been teaching that. Getting drunk does NOT help. In fact, drinking has made my nights worse. I've been trying to stay away from alcohol for the time being. I try my best not to be idle and I make sure the music I listen to is upbeat. Stay focused on your day to day things. I forgot a dentist appointment today that I even confirmed yesterday. Just slipped my mind which is very unlike me. I've cleaned and organized my apartment and paperwork. Things that I was putting off.
I hope things get better for you.
I hope things get better for you.
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thavoice
Posts: 14,376
Jul 16, 2013 1:31pm
Yeah, for awhile I thought I was in the bizarre world.TBone14;1473279 wrote:Couple of things:
1. I am always surprised at the amount of good posts threads like this get on here. Most people are actually helpful and supportive of a total stranger when this board is usually full of sarcasm and hate.
2. To the OP: Time heals all wounds. Stay busy and just be the best damn dad you can be. Also, I saw a post of yours in the thread that said, 'who are you to judge me?'. I would just like to say that you did bring your issues to an internet message board so you are going to get the good with the bad.
Ironman92
Posts: 49,363
Jul 16, 2013 1:35pm
Again Fab....not disagreeing but just trying to fit into another perspective.
At almost 39 years of age and a teacher of young kids for 15+ years......few things are as important as a good Dad. It's typically pretty easy to tell when a 5-8 year old little girl has a shitty Dad....and when a boy has a shitty Dad, well the wall at recess is probably about 4/5 loaded with kids that have no Dad or a bad one.
Crimson sounds like he wants to be the best Dad he can....but he's gotta make some of the situations around him as smooth as possible....one way or the other.
At almost 39 years of age and a teacher of young kids for 15+ years......few things are as important as a good Dad. It's typically pretty easy to tell when a 5-8 year old little girl has a shitty Dad....and when a boy has a shitty Dad, well the wall at recess is probably about 4/5 loaded with kids that have no Dad or a bad one.
Crimson sounds like he wants to be the best Dad he can....but he's gotta make some of the situations around him as smooth as possible....one way or the other.
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thavoice
Posts: 14,376
Jul 16, 2013 1:36pm
I think it works best when they all have similar values and such. As a stepdad myself there are times it can get frustrating when the real father allows certain actions and language and things like that and then in the time they are with us they almost have to be remolded. I think a problem could arise when the dad who gets to spend the most time around the kid has a lesser set of values and ideals. That makes it that much harder for the other dad. I guess the OP will just have to hope that whomever his ex ends up with is a good guy because if not there def will be some issues.Fab4Runner;1473278 wrote:I don't think he meant any malice, I am just making a statement based on my personal experience. I can see how it could happen, and I am sure it does, but it definitely did not in my situation.
Scarlet_Buckeye
Posts: 5,264
Jul 16, 2013 2:02pm
With all due respect, I think Fab4's experience is in the minority. Unfortunately, I think the vast majority of the time, the new girl/dude in a split situation does complicate matters.
ernest_t_bass
Posts: 24,984
Jul 16, 2013 2:42pm
friendfromlowry;1473238 wrote:Who/whomever said to keep busy probably offered the best advice. Exercise is a great way to kill time and relieve stress. Whatever you do, don't turn to alcohol or drugs or antidepressants.
Why not alcohol? Alcohol is great!
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MontyBrunswick
Jul 16, 2013 2:51pm
ernest_t_bass;1473314 wrote:Why not alcohol? Alcohol is great!
You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.
ernest_t_bass
Posts: 24,984
Jul 16, 2013 3:17pm
dlazz;1473322 wrote:You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.
Nuh-uh
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friendfromlowry
Posts: 6,239
Jul 16, 2013 3:17pm
dlazz;1473322 wrote:You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.
+1
Dan Gilbert
Posts: 215
Jul 16, 2013 3:28pm
Stay busy and focus on your child.
Also, get out there on your free weekend and get a slump buster.
Also, get out there on your free weekend and get a slump buster.
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thavoice
Posts: 14,376
Jul 16, 2013 3:43pm
That is what got him into this mess in the first place a number of years ago.........Dan Gilbert;1473336 wrote:Stay busy and focus on your child.
Also, get out there on your free weekend and get a slump buster.
Crimson streak
Posts: 9,002
Jul 16, 2013 3:47pm
thavoice;1473340 wrote:That is what got him into this mess in the first place a number of years ago.........
Haha definitely not a slump buster. She's a very cute girl. It was actually a drunkin night we were together for about a year at that point and whoops lol but I wouldn't trade my little girl for anything. What I'm taking out of this is she gave me a beautiful little girl that i love to death and helped me mature and grow up.
Tiger2003
Posts: 15,421
Jul 16, 2013 4:53pm
Crimson streak;1473260 wrote:That is great advice thanks. We talked a little bit earlier and were going to try and just completely start over. Basically start dating like we first met to see if we can ever get back what we had. Neither of us were happy the last 6 months to a year and we both sensed it but we really didnt know how to act on it. We're trying to do everything to make sure what is best for our little girl.
Go get professional help as a couple.
Crimson streak
Posts: 9,002
Jul 16, 2013 5:56pm
Tiger2003;1473367 wrote:Go get professional help as a couple.
We just agreed to do this. If it doesn't help us work things out it should atleast help our relationship for our daughter
Classyposter58
Posts: 6,321
Jul 16, 2013 6:03pm
And that. My badZWICK 4 PREZ;1473239 wrote:Not infidelity?
Tiger2003
Posts: 15,421
Jul 16, 2013 6:17pm
Crimson streak;1473389 wrote:We just agreed to do this. If it doesn't help us work things out it should atleast help our relationship for our daughter
If you have a good marriage counselor you will be in good hand. If you guys don't feel comfortable with the counselor find someone new.