ernest_t_bass;1473179 wrote:Obviously fucking around. Obviously drunj.

Liar. You didn't check in via your drunj thread. Reported.

At least you weren't married. Going through divorce would probably be a lot worse.

Midstate01;1473137 wrote:Good god...grow the **** up. Maybe you were just ****ing around, but seriously gtfu.

Keep your head up man. Find someone you can spend some time with. Go to a gym and play hoops or do something active.
And do everything you can to not show your daughter you are hurting because even at her age she can sense those things and is already hurting herself. She needs you most right now.

So sorry man.

Yeah she definitely senses it. She just asked me this morning if I still miss mommy. It's tough when she says things like that. I'm just trying to do everything that is best for her. But she is the one person in this world that can change my mood in a second. The days I have her I don't really think about the whole relationship.

Belly35;1473142 wrote:Relationship with a kid and no marriage commitment is just wrong... so you better rethink this order of importants.

Second if this is how you are feeling, it time to rethink what when wrong and change and correct the issues between the relationship and yourself. Time to have a honest conversation with her and make some type of real commitment, sincere changes and fix the problems .. Remember this is about you and your commitments not her so it you who has to change (if she love you, your action and changes will alter hers also) asking for demanding changes from her don’t go there.

Avoiding the issue and not approaching the problem is not the way to a solution just a means to make matters worse.

We had our daughter young. We were both 20. We had wedding dates planned but never got to follow through mainly because of money. We had a ton of pressure from people telling us we should get married bc we have a child together but we always told each other we want to be married for the right reasons not because we have a child together.

Raw Dawgin' it;1473184 wrote:At least you weren't married. Going through divorce would probably be a lot worse.

Agreed

Rotinaj;1473182 wrote:Liar. You didn't check in via your drunj thread. Reported.

Shit... was too drunk.

Just do what everyone else has said... hang in there. It will probably get worse before it gets better, and you both will probably have a relapse that will mean nothing. Don't fall head over heels on the relapse. Take the relapse slow, to see if it is for real. It is rough on the kid, but the fact that you have the kid may actually be better for you, since she will bring smiles to your face. Just smother your kid with love. You will be OK.

Don't actually kill yourself.

ernest_t_bass;1473191 wrote:Just do what everyone else has said... hang in there. It will probably get worse before it gets better, and you both will probably have a relapse that will mean nothing. Don't fall head over heels on the relapse. Take the relapse slow, to see if it is for real. It is rough on the kid, but the fact that you have the kid may actually be better for you, since she will bring smiles to your face. Just smother your kid with love. You will be OK.

Don't actually kill yourself.

So first you tell him to kill himself and now you tell him to smother his child? I think you should be banned.

Raw Dawgin' it;1473194 wrote:So first you tell him to kill himself and now you tell him to smother his child? I think you should be banned.

I lol'd

Raw Dawgin' it;1473194 wrote:So first you tell him to kill himself and now you tell him to smother his child? I think you should be banned.

The latter was my non drunj post.

Crimson streak;1473186 wrote:We had our daughter young. We were both 20. We had wedding dates planned but never got to follow through mainly because of money. We had a ton of pressure from people telling us we should get married bc we have a child together but we always told each other we want to be married for the right reasons not because we have a child together.

Right reason ... do you miss your best friend, mother of your daughter, partner? That seems to be the right reason to get married and quit making excuses (money).
Now is the time to show maturity, dedication and solutions... on your part.

Here is where the problem is ..... We don't know who left who in this situation?

If you had a conversation with her and expressed you like to make this work.. We she take you back?

Belly35;1473142 wrote:Relationship with a kid and no marriage commitment is just wrong... so you better rethink this order of importants.

Second if this is how you are feeling, it time to rethink what when wrong and change and correct the issues between the relationship and yourself. Time to have a honest conversation with her and make some type of real commitment, sincere changes and fix the problems .. Remember this is about you and your commitments not her so it you who has to change (if she love you, your action and changes will alter hers also) asking for demanding changes from her don’t go there.

Avoiding the issue and not approaching the problem is not the way to a solution just a means to make matters worse.

I agree but then again I don't believe in divorce unless there is a case of abuse

Belly35;1473207 wrote:Right reason ... do you miss your best friend, mother of your daughter, partner? That seems to be the right reason to get married and quit making excuses (money).
Now is the time to show maturity, dedication and solutions... on your part.

Here is where the problem is ..... We don't know who left who in this situation?

If you had a conversation with her and expressed you like to make this work.. We she take you back?

I'm not making excuses I'm telling you reality. Times have changed. And you don't know anything about me or my relationship so who the hell are to judge me? And it was more of a mutual agreement thing. It's just hard after all the history between us

Stay positive.

Crimson streak;1473218 wrote:I'm not making excuses I'm telling you reality. Times have changed. And you don't know anything about me or my relationship so who the hell are to judge me? And it was more of a mutual agreement thing. It's just hard after all the history between us

You are right I don't know you.. you come on a site, whimper like a little girls, give partial information and don't like the answers given, straight up suggestion and more whimpering ... Maybe you should have made better judgment earlier, seem you keep making poor judgment ...

You want her back or not ... there no middle ground..

&#8220roblem here is you can’t handle the true” love that line

Belly35;1473226 wrote:&#8220roblem here is you can’t handle the true” love that line

You love it so much that you messed it up. It sounds like he was just venting about being temporarily miserable; not looking to have his relationship analyzed by some old, illiterate moron.

Who/whomever said to keep busy probably offered the best advice. Exercise is a great way to kill time and relieve stress. Whatever you do, don't turn to alcohol or drugs or antidepressants.

Classyposter58;1473213 wrote:I agree but then again I don't believe in divorce unless there is a case of abuse

Not infidelity?

Belly35;1473207 wrote:Right reason ... do you miss your best friend, mother of your daughter, partner? That seems to be the right reason to get married and quit making excuses (money).
Now is the time to show maturity, dedication and solutions... on your part.

Here is where the problem is ..... We don't know who left who in this situation?

If you had a conversation with her and expressed you like to make this work.. We she take you back?

What we really need to know is this: Who said "It's not you, it's me"? That tells you who wants out the most.

Belly35;1473226 wrote:You are right I don't know you.. you come on a site, whimper like a little girls, give partial information and don't like the answers given, straight up suggestion and more whimpering ... Maybe you should have made better judgment earlier, seem you keep making poor judgment ...

You want her back or not ... there no middle ground..

“Problem here is you can’t handle the true” love that line

I don't know if I want her back or not. I'm just saying I'm having a hard time with it since I moved here to PA to be with her and gave up everything and had a child together,and all of the history between us. It's not just do cut and dry like you think it is mofo

If there's one thing about Belly advice, it's that it is usually incoherent and/or not helpful.

I won't bother rehashing what everyone else said. All you can do is what helps YOU. If you have airline/credit card points you could cash them out and fly somewhere just to get away.

wes_mantooth;1473100 wrote:I honestly just keep super busy. Probably not the best advice but when I stress.. I run, play video games, whatever it takes to keep my mind from racing

Pretty much how I handle things too. I'm good at distracting myself. Get high and work out, get high and play video games, get high and watch Youtube vids, things like that.

Seriously, since you have a child involved, if there is any way to salvage the relationship with the child's mother it would be wise. Matters will only get more complicated when down the road another man enters the child's mother's life. Is there any possible hope for that? Have you tried family counseling?

My wife and I also had a kid about the same age as you guys....I had just turned 21 and she was barely 20. We didn't have that much of a past history at all....but in my mind it was just time to own up and grow up. We got married 4 months before she was born. I knew that pretty much no matter what I was going to make things work, fortunately my wife was the same and we did. About 18 1/2 years later we're as good as we've ever been and our daughter far exceeded anything that either of us ever did. I feel 100% that we did the right thing.

Reading your comments on this thread you just sound like Ross and Rachael from FRIENDS....you clearly have plenty of feelings for and she clearly still likes you or she'd be a bit of a hag more than likely. If she's at least partially willing and you are willing....you can make this work without too much trouble.

You will want to be there for a lot of stuff that little girl is going to do....if the ex eventually gets with someone else, no matter how good of a guy he is it will mess things up a bit for you and your daughter.

As for the instances where the little girl asks you questions like that.....just give her a "sure I miss mommy" and then immediately change the subject "hey let's go get some ice cream or go for a walk.

And when you need to be down and whine a little.....as much as most everyone on here is turned off by it, go ahead and do it on here and not with the people you are actually around. Don't be a Debbie Downer to the real people in your life.....do it on here if you have to.

I like to go by this in real life......88% of people don't care about your troubles and the other 12% are happy you have them.

Ironman92;1473254 wrote:My wife and I also had a kid about the same age as you guys....I had just turned 21 and she was barely 20. We didn't have that much of a past history at all....but in my mind it was just time to own up and grow up. We got married 4 months before she was born. I knew that pretty much no matter what I was going to make things work, fortunately my wife was the same and we did. About 18 1/2 years later we're as good as we've ever been and our daughter far exceeded anything that either of us ever did. I feel 100% that we did the right thing.

Reading your comments on this thread you just sound like Ross and Rachael from FRIENDS....you clearly have plenty of feelings for and she clearly still likes you or she'd be a bit of a hag more than likely. If she's at least partially willing and you are willing....you can make this work without too much trouble.

You will want to be there for a lot of stuff that little girl is going to do....if the ex eventually gets with someone else, no matter how good of a guy he is it will mess things up a bit for you and your daughter.

As for the instances where the little girl asks you questions like that.....just give her a "sure I miss mommy" and then immediately change the subject "hey let's go get some ice cream or go for a walk.

And when you need to be down and whine a little.....as much as most everyone on here is turned off by it, go ahead and do it on here and not with the people you are actually around. Don't be a Debbie Downer to the real people in your life.....do it on here if you have to.

I like to go by this in real life......88% of people don't care about your troubles and the other 12% are happy you have them.

That is great advice thanks. We talked a little bit earlier and were going to try and just completely start over. Basically start dating like we first met to see if we can ever get back what we had. Neither of us were happy the last 6 months to a year and we both sensed it but we really didnt know how to act on it. We're trying to do everything to make sure what is best for our little girl.