Just having a bad night

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ohiobucks1's avatar

ohiobucks1

USA American

4,915 posts
Jul 16, 2013 12:59 PM
Take some ZZZquil (not Nyquil, just the sleeping part of Nyquil) tonight and itll help you sleep better. The best thing to do is to make sure you don't drink to forget and do something stupid. Stay calm and find something (for me it is always video games or sports) that will take your mind off of her. Be with you kid as much as possible because although it may remind you of her, itll also remind you that no matter what happens with your relationship with the mom, you made something beautiful that you can always love.
Jul 16, 2013 12:59pm
G

Gardens35

Senior Member

4,929 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:01 PM
Impressed that no one posted the "Do her sister" line. Crimson, best wishes to all 3 of you.
Jul 16, 2013 1:01pm
Crimson streak's avatar

Crimson streak

Senior Member

9,002 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:03 PM
Gardens35;1473265 wrote:Impressed that no one posted the "Do her sister" line. Crimson, best wishes to all 3 of you.

Her sister is 16 and ugly no thanks haha
Jul 16, 2013 1:03pm
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:06 PM
Ironman92;1473254 wrote:My wife and I also had a kid about the same age as you guys....I had just turned 21 and she was barely 20. We didn't have that much of a past history at all....but in my mind it was just time to own up and grow up. We got married 4 months before she was born. I knew that pretty much no matter what I was going to make things work, fortunately my wife was the same and we did. About 18 1/2 years later we're as good as we've ever been and our daughter far exceeded anything that either of us ever did. I feel 100% that we did the right thing.

Reading your comments on this thread you just sound like Ross and Rachael from FRIENDS....you clearly have plenty of feelings for and she clearly still likes you or she'd be a bit of a hag more than likely. If she's at least partially willing and you are willing....you can make this work without too much trouble.

You will want to be there for a lot of stuff that little girl is going to do....if the ex eventually gets with someone else, no matter how good of a guy he is it will mess things up a bit for you and your daughter.

As for the instances where the little girl asks you questions like that.....just give her a "sure I miss mommy" and then immediately change the subject "hey let's go get some ice cream or go for a walk.

And when you need to be down and whine a little.....as much as most everyone on here is turned off by it, go ahead and do it on here and not with the people you are actually around. Don't be a Debbie Downer to the real people in your life.....do it on here if you have to.

I like to go by this in real life......88% of people don't care about your troubles and the other 12% are happy you have them.
All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.
Jul 16, 2013 1:06pm
S

sportchampps

Senior Member

7,361 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:14 PM
Set aside a date night where you two can go out and have a good time weather it be just eating out seeing a movie or even playing putt putt.
Jul 16, 2013 1:14pm
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:18 PM
Fab4Runner;1473267 wrote:All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.
I don't think he meant it any malice in it. I think he meant that when the woman does find another guy, becomes the stepdad to his daughter, it will change some things because she will be around him more often on a daily basis and getting reared by him. It may not 'mess' things up but it can definitely change the dynamic a little bit
Jul 16, 2013 1:18pm
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:19 PM
thavoice;1473276 wrote:I don't think he meant it any malice in it. I think he meant that when the woman does find another guy, becomes the stepdad to his daughter, it will change some things because she will be around him more often on a daily basis and getting reared by him. It may not 'mess' things up but it can definitely change the dynamic a little bit
I don't think he meant any malice, I am just making a statement based on my personal experience. I can see how it could happen, and I am sure it does, but it definitely did not in my situation.
Jul 16, 2013 1:19pm
TBone14's avatar

TBone14

Senior Member

6,383 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:26 PM
Couple of things:

1. I am always surprised at the amount of good posts threads like this get on here. Most people are actually helpful and supportive of a total stranger when this board is usually full of sarcasm and hate.

2. To the OP: Time heals all wounds. Stay busy and just be the best damn dad you can be. Also, I saw a post of yours in the thread that said, 'who are you to judge me?'. I would just like to say that you did bring your issues to an internet message board so you are going to get the good with the bad.
Jul 16, 2013 1:26pm
Ironman92's avatar

Ironman92

Administrator

49,363 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:28 PM
Fab4Runner;1473267 wrote:All good advice, but I do take issue with the bolded part. My stepdad has been in my life since I was around nine, and he has done absolutely nothing to mess things up between my real father and me. I actually believe my dad is happy and grateful that my mom found a man who loves us all as his own and helped raise and care for us.

That's really a great thing and I'm in no way trying to offend but while I believe your Dad is happy with your situation being very positive....I wonder even though he's happy if he's felt left out some? When you are with your family without him....I wonder if it was always good or a little depressing?

In the end only crimson can know what's best for him and his daughter.
Jul 16, 2013 1:28pm
hasbeen's avatar

hasbeen

Excuse me, Flo?

6,504 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:30 PM
Been having a rough time myself. What's been helping me is, like everyone else said, stay busy. I've been whoring myself out playing softball. I've spent more time coaching than normal and thankfully summer school started so I've been teaching that. Getting drunk does NOT help. In fact, drinking has made my nights worse. I've been trying to stay away from alcohol for the time being. I try my best not to be idle and I make sure the music I listen to is upbeat. Stay focused on your day to day things. I forgot a dentist appointment today that I even confirmed yesterday. Just slipped my mind which is very unlike me. I've cleaned and organized my apartment and paperwork. Things that I was putting off.

I hope things get better for you.
Jul 16, 2013 1:30pm
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:31 PM
TBone14;1473279 wrote:Couple of things:

1. I am always surprised at the amount of good posts threads like this get on here. Most people are actually helpful and supportive of a total stranger when this board is usually full of sarcasm and hate.

2. To the OP: Time heals all wounds. Stay busy and just be the best damn dad you can be. Also, I saw a post of yours in the thread that said, 'who are you to judge me?'. I would just like to say that you did bring your issues to an internet message board so you are going to get the good with the bad.
Yeah, for awhile I thought I was in the bizarre world.
Jul 16, 2013 1:31pm
Ironman92's avatar

Ironman92

Administrator

49,363 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:35 PM
Again Fab....not disagreeing but just trying to fit into another perspective.

At almost 39 years of age and a teacher of young kids for 15+ years......few things are as important as a good Dad. It's typically pretty easy to tell when a 5-8 year old little girl has a shitty Dad....and when a boy has a shitty Dad, well the wall at recess is probably about 4/5 loaded with kids that have no Dad or a bad one.

Crimson sounds like he wants to be the best Dad he can....but he's gotta make some of the situations around him as smooth as possible....one way or the other.
Jul 16, 2013 1:35pm
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Jul 16, 2013 1:36 PM
Fab4Runner;1473278 wrote:I don't think he meant any malice, I am just making a statement based on my personal experience. I can see how it could happen, and I am sure it does, but it definitely did not in my situation.
I think it works best when they all have similar values and such. As a stepdad myself there are times it can get frustrating when the real father allows certain actions and language and things like that and then in the time they are with us they almost have to be remolded. I think a problem could arise when the dad who gets to spend the most time around the kid has a lesser set of values and ideals. That makes it that much harder for the other dad. I guess the OP will just have to hope that whomever his ex ends up with is a good guy because if not there def will be some issues.
Jul 16, 2013 1:36pm
Scarlet_Buckeye's avatar

Scarlet_Buckeye

Senior Member

5,264 posts
Jul 16, 2013 2:02 PM
With all due respect, I think Fab4's experience is in the minority. Unfortunately, I think the vast majority of the time, the new girl/dude in a split situation does complicate matters.
Jul 16, 2013 2:02pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Jul 16, 2013 2:42 PM
friendfromlowry;1473238 wrote:Who/whomever said to keep busy probably offered the best advice. Exercise is a great way to kill time and relieve stress. Whatever you do, don't turn to alcohol or drugs or antidepressants.

Why not alcohol? Alcohol is great!
Jul 16, 2013 2:42pm
M

MontyBrunswick

Jul 16, 2013 2:51 PM
ernest_t_bass;1473314 wrote:Why not alcohol? Alcohol is great!

You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.
Jul 16, 2013 2:51pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Jul 16, 2013 3:17 PM
dlazz;1473322 wrote:You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.

Nuh-uh
Jul 16, 2013 3:17pm
F

friendfromlowry

Senior Member

6,239 posts
Jul 16, 2013 3:17 PM
dlazz;1473322 wrote:You alone are proof that alcohol is a bad thing.

+1
Jul 16, 2013 3:17pm
Dan Gilbert's avatar

Dan Gilbert

Senior Member

215 posts
Jul 16, 2013 3:28 PM
Stay busy and focus on your child.

Also, get out there on your free weekend and get a slump buster.
Jul 16, 2013 3:28pm
T

thavoice

Senior Member

14,376 posts
Jul 16, 2013 3:43 PM
Dan Gilbert;1473336 wrote:Stay busy and focus on your child.

Also, get out there on your free weekend and get a slump buster.
That is what got him into this mess in the first place a number of years ago.........
Jul 16, 2013 3:43pm
Crimson streak's avatar

Crimson streak

Senior Member

9,002 posts
Jul 16, 2013 3:47 PM
thavoice;1473340 wrote:That is what got him into this mess in the first place a number of years ago.........

Haha definitely not a slump buster. She's a very cute girl. It was actually a drunkin night we were together for about a year at that point and whoops lol but I wouldn't trade my little girl for anything. What I'm taking out of this is she gave me a beautiful little girl that i love to death and helped me mature and grow up.
Jul 16, 2013 3:47pm
Tiger2003's avatar

Tiger2003

Kill or be Killed

15,421 posts
Jul 16, 2013 4:53 PM
Crimson streak;1473260 wrote:That is great advice thanks. We talked a little bit earlier and were going to try and just completely start over. Basically start dating like we first met to see if we can ever get back what we had. Neither of us were happy the last 6 months to a year and we both sensed it but we really didnt know how to act on it. We're trying to do everything to make sure what is best for our little girl.

Go get professional help as a couple.
Jul 16, 2013 4:53pm
Crimson streak's avatar

Crimson streak

Senior Member

9,002 posts
Jul 16, 2013 5:56 PM
Tiger2003;1473367 wrote:Go get professional help as a couple.

We just agreed to do this. If it doesn't help us work things out it should atleast help our relationship for our daughter
Jul 16, 2013 5:56pm
Classyposter58's avatar

Classyposter58

Senior Member

6,321 posts
Jul 16, 2013 6:03 PM
ZWICK 4 PREZ;1473239 wrote:Not infidelity?
And that. My bad
Jul 16, 2013 6:03pm
Tiger2003's avatar

Tiger2003

Kill or be Killed

15,421 posts
Jul 16, 2013 6:17 PM
Crimson streak;1473389 wrote:We just agreed to do this. If it doesn't help us work things out it should atleast help our relationship for our daughter

If you have a good marriage counselor you will be in good hand. If you guys don't feel comfortable with the counselor find someone new.
Jul 16, 2013 6:17pm