Tim Tebow traded to the Jets

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sleeper's avatar

sleeper

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Mar 21, 2012 1:46 PM
I lol'd. The Jets are terrible.
Mar 21, 2012 1:46pm
Commander of Awesome's avatar

Commander of Awesome

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Mar 21, 2012 1:51 PM
Hot off the presses from oldnews.com
Mar 21, 2012 1:51pm
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DeyDurkie5

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11,324 posts
Mar 21, 2012 1:52 PM
holy SHIT
Mar 21, 2012 1:52pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

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4,288 posts
Mar 21, 2012 1:54 PM
How soon until Mike Greenberg starts fawning over Timmy T.? Will he get a theme song like Chad Pennington?
Mar 21, 2012 1:54pm
Rotinaj's avatar

Rotinaj

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7,699 posts
Mar 21, 2012 1:55 PM
I don't buy it. I need more proof.
Mar 21, 2012 1:55pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:09 PM
I hate Tim Tebow. This trade sucks. Fuck you Tanny.
Mar 21, 2012 2:09pm
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

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Mar 21, 2012 2:38 PM
justincredible;1123088 wrote:I hate Tim Tebow. This trade sucks. Fuck you Tanny.

I am sure this is not the last time we will see this post come fall.
Mar 21, 2012 2:38pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:39 PM
THE4RINGZ;1123121 wrote:I am sure this is not the last time we will see this post come fall.

Lol, I don't disagree.
Mar 21, 2012 2:39pm
gorocks99's avatar

gorocks99

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10,760 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:40 PM
Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City
FIFY

(credit to fark.com)
Mar 21, 2012 2:40pm
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:47 PM
Serious question (mostly to Justin), if things like this trade continue to happen, how long before Rex packs up his shit and says fuck it then moves on?
Mar 21, 2012 2:47pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:51 PM
THE4RINGZ;1123137 wrote:Serious question (mostly to Justin), if things like this trade continue to happen, how long before Rex packs up his shit and says fuck it then moves on?
Tannenbaum should be on a scorching hot seat right now. I wonder if he consulted with Rex before making the trade? I'd be curious to know if Rex was for it or against it.
Mar 21, 2012 2:51pm
said_aouita's avatar

said_aouita

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Mar 21, 2012 2:54 PM
justincredible;1123088 wrote:I hate Tim Tebow. This trade sucks. Fuck you Tanny.
No doubt about it!

This really is a bone head move. Great idea bringing Tim Tebow to a team with a head coach who drops F-bombs every other word and has a foot fetish.
Mar 21, 2012 2:54pm
gorocks99's avatar

gorocks99

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10,760 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:55 PM
TL;DR: Tebow and the Jets (and God). From http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/



Tebow: Oh, heavenly Father. O holy see. You have tested me time and again and I thank you for that, O Lord. I thank You for Your pain. I thank You for Your agonies. I thank You for the gift of Your punishing love. Were it not for my endangered time in utero, or that one time I lost to Ole Miss and cried, I would not be the man I am today. I can only be humble and hope that Your will shall lead me to yet unforeseen places of spiritual growth.
(sky flies open)



GOD: Timothy.


Tebow: My heavens! Do my eyes deceive me? IT IS YOU! (drops down onto belly) O Holiest of Holocenes, I am Your faithful servant and caretaker.


GOD: You will no longer be a Bronco, Timothy. That is not my plan for you. Frankly, your whole thing would have gotten played out crazy fast there.


Tebow: But where now, Your Divine Comedian?


GOD: I am sending You to the wickedest place of all. A land of decay and lechery. A haven of BUGGERY and false worship. Only YOU, dear Timothy, can bend it to My will. And get me the major market ratings that my boss, Roger Cunthead Goodell, demands.


Tebow: Where’s that, O Lord?


(meanwhile, in New York)


Mark Sanchez: Wow, Shonn! I got a contract extension!


Shonn Greene: Uhhhhhh…


Mark Sanchez: The team could have tried to get Peyton Manning, but they chose me! That means they like me more than Peyton Manning!


Shonn Greene: Uh, dude?


Mark Sanchez: This is just the vote of confidence I needed! No more looking behind my back! No more wondering whether or not everyone believes in me! This is IT, Shonn. This is finally my team!


Shonn Greene: No one told you yet, huh?


Mark Sanchez: Told me what?


Shonn Greene: Listen, I’mma go get, like, a soda and shit. You’re on your own.


Sanchez: What aren’t you telling me, Shonn? What’s going on?


(God’s tractor beam flies open)

Tebow: Hmm. What is this place? It smells so strange. Almost a metallic, feral kind of scent. Like unwashed privates.


Sanchez: Oh hey, Tim Tebow! Big fan of your work, guy!


Tebow: GASP! Mark Sanchez! Of course. OF COURSE! New York! I’ve been sent to New York! Concrete church where converts are made of!


Sanchez: What are you talking about? Didn’t you get traded to Jacksonville or something?


(door flies open)



Ryan: HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS!


Tebow: GASP! (closes eyes) Heavenly Lord, be not concerned of this man’s tongue, nor his charitable girth. I have seen Your message and it is carved in stone.


Sanchez: Coach, what’s Tim Tebow doing here?


Ryan: Take a walk with me, Nacho.
(takes a walk)
Nacho, you know how the NFL suspended all those people for bounties?


Sanchez: Yes.


Ryan: And remember our weekly Involuntary Blood Donation Drive?


Sanchez: Yes.


Ryan: Yeah well, turns out that Redfaced McCuntylick in the league office wasn’t wild about that program, but he didn’t want to punish us openly for it, because then it would have looked like the whole bounty thing was leaguewide.


Sanchez: But it was!


Ryan: But you can’t suspend everybody, Squirtboy. So we made a little under-the-table deal. We got docked a fourth rounder. And we had to take on… Well, that guy over there.


Tebow: (mumbles prayer over and over again, nodding head)


Ryan: TEBOW! Your new nickname is Markbrad Smithnell!


Tebow: Nicknames are forbidden in the Bible, sir. They are considered lazy and wicked.


Ryan: Oh for shit’s sake.


Sanchez: Well, I’m honored to have you here as my backup, Tim. Whatever guidance you need to help learn this offense, I am here to mentor you as you see fit.


Ryan: (chokes on donut)


Tebow: Oh, I intend to win the starting job.


Sanchez: Yeah, right! Keep dreaming! I got an extension! I’m good, right coach?


Ryan: Uhhh…


Sanchez: Coach?


Ryan: It’s an open competition, Nacho.


Sanchez: GASP! I thought you had faith in me!


Ryan: Son, I don’t have faith in anything except the taste of a fine cigar and pertness of sixteen-year-old thighs. You two dimestore Rick Mirers are gonna have to duke it out on the field.


Tebow: An opportunity is all I ask for.


Sanchez: Yeah well, I have a better arm! (throws ball, hits ceiling fan by accident)


Tebow: (throws ball, magical golden sheep appears and catches it in its teeth)


Ryan: Now THAT I could use!


Sanchez: Well, I know all the lyrics to “Guys & Dolls”!


Tebow: Broadway is a den of homosexual worship that stymies God’s gift of procreation. Had my mother been a lesbian, I might not ever have been born.


Ryan: Your mom, a Marymuncher? NOW THAT WOULD MAKE A FINE STREAMING VIDEO.


Sanchez: I have the respect of my teammates!


Tebow: God’s love is all I need.


Sanchez: I’m bilingual!


Tebow: (congratulates him in Filipino, Mandarin, and Catalonian)


Sanchez: I’m not a virgin!!!!!

Tebow: (hesitates)


Ryan: Well now, this just got interesting. What about it, Bradmark? Ever pull your snake out of the Garden? Ever bend a girl over a pew? Ever stick your cock in the Valley of Darkness?


Tebow: No, sir.

Ryan: Oh! Oh! Oh, ol’ Bradmark finally tagged himself a little… Wait, WHAT?! Seriously?


Tebow: No, sir.


Ryan: Does that mean you’re gay?


Tebow: No, sir.


Ryan: Because you’re a well-built guy. No one here would begrudge you a handjob in the gym sauna.


Tebow: No, sir.


Ryan: (slaps Tebow on the ass, HARD)


Tebow: OUCH!


Ryan: Nothing? No semi-chub from that?


Tebow: No.


Ryan: Well, it’s not how I would go about my business, but I like your willpower, Smithnell. Welcome aboard. YOU’RE MY NEW STARTING QB!


Sanchez: WHAT?!


Ryan: Oh come on, we may as well get it over with. Would have happened in Week 4 otherwise. Now Tebow, ARE YOU READY TO FUCKING KILL?!!!!


Tebow: No.


Ryan: Are you ready to MURRRRRRRDER?!


Tebow: No.

Ryan: Are you ready for STEAKS AND BLOWJOBS?!


Tebow: Steaks, yes. Blowjobs, no.


Ryan: We’re gonna have to work together on this. Hmm. How about… ARE YOU READY TO VANQUISH EVIL FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH?!


Tebow: (pumps fist) YES!


Ryan: ARE YOU READY TO CAST DOWN THE SODOMITES?! TO MATCH BLOOD WITH FIRE?!


Tebow: YES!


Ryan: FUCKING HANDS IN!
(all hands in)


Ryan: GOD’S HOLY VENEGANCE ON THREE ONE TWO THREE!


Tebow: GOD’S HOLY VENGEANCE!

Ryan: You are fucking WINNER, kid. In fact, that’s the only nice thing it says on your resume. I think we can do this.


Tebow: It is God’s will.


Ryan: Whatever. Right now, God’s will is telling me I have to take a growler the size of your prayer hymnal.
Mar 21, 2012 2:55pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:58 PM
said_aouita;1123147 wrote:No doubt about it!

This really is a bone head move. Great idea bringing Tim Tebow to a team with a head coach who drops F-bombs every other word and has a foot fetish.
Lol, yeah. Tebow will be asking for a trade after the first practice.

This quote was also hilarious from a Jets forum:
"Wow, Antonio, look at all of your beautiful kids! Where's the lucky lady who gave birth to all these blessed children?"
http://forums.jetnation.com/topic/104131-tebow-will-be-dealt-to-jags-or-jets-today/page__st__60
Mar 21, 2012 2:58pm
B

BR1986FB

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24,104 posts
Mar 21, 2012 2:58 PM
Mar 21, 2012 2:58pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:02 PM
Sanchez: Yeah well, I have a better arm! (throws ball, hits ceiling fan by accident)


Tebow: (throws ball, magical golden sheep appears and catches it in its teeth)


Ryan: Now THAT I could use!


Sanchez: Well, I know all the lyrics to “Guys & Dolls”!


Tebow: Broadway is a den of homosexual worship that stymies God’s gift of procreation. Had my mother been a lesbian, I might not ever have been born.


Ryan: Your mom, a Marymuncher? NOW THAT WOULD MAKE A FINE STREAMING VIDEO.


Sanchez: I have the respect of my teammates!


Tebow: God’s love is all I need.


Sanchez: I’m bilingual!


Tebow: (congratulates him in Filipino, Mandarin, and Catalonian)


[B]Sanchez: I’m not a virgin!!!!!

[B]Tebow: (hesitates)[/B][/B]
I lol'd.
Mar 21, 2012 3:02pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:04 PM
BR1986FB;1123151 wrote:
I hope someone murders them in a back alley.
Mar 21, 2012 3:04pm
B

BR1986FB

Senior Member

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Mar 21, 2012 3:18 PM
Just in per Adam Schefter...

[h=6]Filed to ESPN: Denver and Jets have encountered hangup in language in Tim Tebow's contract that could nullify trade. If the Tebow trade to Jets falls apart, St. Louis could wind up getting back into play. Sides sorting through details.[/h]
Mar 21, 2012 3:18pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:19 PM
BR1986FB;1123160 wrote:Just in per Adam Schefter...

Filed to ESPN: Denver and Jets have encountered hangup in language in Tim Tebow's contract that could nullify trade. If the Tebow trade to Jets falls apart, St. Louis could wind up getting back into play. Sides sorting through details.
OH PLEASE GOD LET YOUR SON GO TO ST LOUIS.
Mar 21, 2012 3:19pm
gorocks99's avatar

gorocks99

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10,760 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:20 PM
@AdamSchefter Tim Tebow has $5 million worth of recapture language, meaning Jets would have to pay back money to Denver. Jets might be unwilling. Complex.
Mar 21, 2012 3:20pm
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2kool4skool

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1,804 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:23 PM
lol, the Jets are so shitty
Mar 21, 2012 3:23pm
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Raw Dawgin' it

Just Ain't Care

11,466 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:38 PM
lol not only do they make a stupid trade, they can't even do it right.
Mar 21, 2012 3:38pm
V

vball10set

paying it forward

24,795 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:38 PM
He's right where he should be--fuck the J.E.T.S.
Mar 21, 2012 3:38pm
S

sportchampps

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7,361 posts
Mar 21, 2012 3:39 PM
Btw I heard Rex Ryan was in favor of this move as was the gm and owner
Mar 21, 2012 3:39pm