Fab4Runner;542162 wrote:Well I think in this case it's pretty clear that having no relationship has been negative and who is to say what actually having one may have produced? Could it have still been negative? Sure. But why not put in the effort when it's your own son?

Let's say it's indeed negative at this point. That doesn't mean it's the worst case scenario. It can be worse. To suggest to the guy the only right thing to do is to try to spend more time togetheris assuming a lot of things regarding the father's views on his past relationships, his past children and the impact the decision to have them has, along with the difficulties his present wife and children may have with a more growing relationship.

Is the current situation ideal? I think I have already stated no but were it me I would never complain about what it is without knowing what could be. An attitude of gratitude for what is makes what you don't have completely irrelevant and less disappointed with all of the imperfect humans out their in the world. I expect very little of people...even my direct family. It makes it easy for them to over-achieve and for me to love them that much more. I want and need to love my family. They can't ever do anything to disappoint me. I make sure of that because I control what I think they should be to me as a family member. Because of that I am the luckiest person in the world and love them dearly....with all of their imperfections.

Suggesting I might be screwed out of a deeper relationship with my father would only take into account my wants as opposed to his. Instead, I get to have the greatest relationship inthe world by letting both of us define it based on how we act together.

I am an adult by age anyways. It just bothers me that he has all this time/money and can't make a trip to Ohio but for 3 days a year. He calls and talks to my son his grandkid and feeds him this bullshit like oh I'll be up to see you blah blah blah. The next 5 days its daddy when is Alabama Grandpa coming up I want to see him. It was his only grandkid until about 40 days ago when my bro had his 1st kid. He has done nothing for him either. I mean I'm not asking for much but maybe for 3 more days and a chance for my kid to see you.
I have said things in the past to him about running his mouth and calling from these exotic places eating shrimp or some shit while it's -30 and snowing here, thats the last thing I want to hear about. Here lately he has had some health problems now I don't wish any harm on him but he sort of deserves it. His dick casued my mom and him to divorce so I guess its irony that he can't piss now but thru a catheter. I find some sick humor in this.
To be honest I am a bit jealous of his wife and her kid. They are doing things and going places that I'll never get the chance to with my dad. My dad didn't come to any of my games, help out with prom, dinner, homecoming, senior day nothing like that. Like I said I can't think of a thing my father taught me. But for his wife and step kid they get it all. They'd still be living in east hell Alabama if he hadn't pulled them out of the gutter. I don't fault them I'd take advantage of it too and thats what they are doing taking advantage of him. He's the sugar daddy nothing else. He sits in hotel rooms or bookstores while they snorkle or rent a boat. Pretty sad if you ask me.
I only talk to the man to keep a hope that if he doesn't have an interest in my life than maybe he will my sons. Soon it will be up to my son if he wants a relationship with his grandpa pretty tough decision for a kindygartner don't ya think?

Good lord, stop whinning. Sound like a spoiled little boy. LMAO at you whinning about your old man on a message board.

CenterBHSFan;542074 wrote:If gerb isn't an adult, than I stand corrected and his dad probably is a deadbeat parent.

I'm pretty sure Gerb is an adult, but I'm assuming his dad was a deadbeat parent. And now he's being an ok parent and rubbing it in Gerb's face. I think that's an asshole move and I'm fine with Gerb being upset about it.

Con_Alma;542140 wrote:What I don't hold an expectation towards is any parent being expected to carry the exact same relationship with every child they may have. To do so may create an unnatural, forced experience that has the ability to be more negative than that which I deemed as being, "O.K".

I don't expect a parent to carry on the same relationship with every child, but it sounds like his dad was a POS to him. That's not ok and I don't have a problem with Gerb resenting that. There might be healthier ways to deal with it, but I think it's a natural reaction.

Yeah, that's a crap father.

Just go get yours, and don't make the same mistakes he has with your children. When he's on his death bed, show up and tell him he was a never a good dad, but you tried to be a good son. That'll make him croak right there.

Commander of Awesome;542190 wrote:Good lord, stop whinning. Sound like a spoiled little boy. LMAO at you whinning about your old man on a message board.

Not whining man. Just looking for some advice or past experiences but thanks for the input Fredrick Polawatzki.

Commander of Awesome;542190 wrote:stop whinning.

lol. You Whinn!

FatHobbit;542191 wrote:I'm pretty sure Gerb is an adult, but I'm assuming his dad was a deadbeat parent. And now he's being an ok parent and rubbing it in Gerb's face. I think that's an asshole move and I'm fine with Gerb being upset about it.

I don't expect a parent to carry on the same relationship with every child, but it sounds like his dad was a POS to him. That's not ok and I don't have a problem with Gerb resenting that. There might be healthier ways to deal with it, but I think it's a natural reaction.

Gerb can and will deal with his father anyway he chooses. That's my point. We choose our relationships and how we "feel" about them no matter who the person is. He is choosing to be pissed and "bothered". I wouldn't.

I don't necessarily think based on what I have read that his father was a POS at all but then again I'm not Gerb and am not in the relationship so it really doesn't matter.

Con_Alma;542183 wrote:Let's say it's indeed negative at this point. That doesn't mean it's the worst case scenario. It can be worse. To suggest to the guy the only right thing to do is to try to spend more time togetheris assuming a lot of things regarding the father's views on his past relationships, his past children and the impact the decision to have them has, along with the difficulties his present wife and children may have with a more growing relationship.

Is the current situation ideal? I think I have already stated no but were it me I would never complain about what it is without knowing what could be. An attitude of gratitude for what is makes what you don't have completely irrelevant and less disappointed with all of the imperfect humans out their in the world. I expect very little of people...even my direct family. It makes it easy for them to over-achieve and for me to love them that much more. I want and need to love my family. They can't ever do anything to disappoint me. I make sure of that because I control what I think they should be to me as a family member. Because of that I am the luckiest person in the world and love them dearly....with all of their imperfections.

Suggesting I might be screwed out of a deeper relationship with my father would only take into account my wants as opposed to his. Instead, I get to have the greatest relationship inthe world by letting both of us define it based on how we act together.

If a father doesn't want to have a relationship with his son he probably should't have one. And I'm sorry but the feelings of the new wife and stepchild should not matter more than the feelings of his son. I would have a huge problem with my dad choosing not to see/talk to me because his wife and/or stepchildren were uncomfortable with it. Luckily, my father would never do that and his wife would never ask him to. I think people need to get their priorities straight if they think that would be okay.

The only father I knew was not my real dad (I was given away at birth) but what I do know is I never wanted to be like him. I will raise my family with love, standard, compassion and caring at all cost and a Christ faith. The only time I saw him was to be beaten and punched without my mom knowledge. That lasted until I was 14 years old …then the table turn and I never saw him ever. He provided little financial support for my mom and I living in the projects other than insurance. His wife and two other sons lived in a big house and had a nice life. My mom and I had a great life and relationship and that was worth a lot more than having all that other stuff.

Make your own life, set your standard, be the provider and establish goals for yourself to be the best parent …….don’t look back for the support of someone that doesn’t look to you for a relationship.

The next time I take a vacation I am gonna call Gerb collect

Some more old man socks:

And you gotta have some sandals to go with:

Fab4Runner;542212 wrote:If a father doesn't want to have a relationship with his son he probably should't have one. And I'm sorry but the feelings of the new wife and stepchild should not matter more than the feelings of his son. I would have a huge problem with my dad choosing not to see/talk to me because his wife and/or stepchildren were uncomfortable with it. Luckily, my father would never do that and his wife would never ask him to. I think people need to get their priorities straight if they think that would be okay.

Here's the thing...you only get to decide that it's not O.K. for you. You don't get to decide it's not O.K. for Gerb's father.

You suggesting that maybe he shouldn't have had that child is interesting.....do you know if he isn't thinking the same thing. How sad that would be but if you thought it maybe he did too. Would that be a reason to be struggling with his new situation and not understanding how to handle it?

It's possible...it's also why I don't let other peoples struggles and actions determine my emotions about them. Everyone doesn't choose such a route nor do I expect them to. I am just sharing my views on the situation.

Gerb in all seriousness, from someone that lost his father just 4 years ago at a young age of 54 I can't imagine not having the relationship I did with him and am very thankful for that. IMO, screw people like COA as I think this is a perfect place to lay out your feelings and get people's thoughts, you have every right to feel the way you do and I think if I was in your position I would feel as you do. Now my advice would be as it was said earlier to decide where you want things to go now as an adult and be up front with him. Let him know how that will affect his relationship with his grandkids as well. The ball is in your court my friend but no doubt it is beyond a tough situation to be in and have to carry. I wish you luck my friend!!

Belly35;542217 wrote:...
Make your own life, set your standard, be the provider and establish goals for yourself to be the best parent …….don’t look back for the support of someone that doesn’t look to you for a relationship.

I agree wholeheartedly.

One of the favorite quotes I've ever heard, from pot-head Ricky Williams nonetheless (From "Run Rucky Run").

"I learned at a very young age that you can’t blame things on other people because it takes the power out of your hands."

Con_Alma;542239 wrote:Here's the thing...you only get to decide that it's not O.K. for you. You don't get to decide it's not O.K. for Gerb's father.

You suggesting that maybe he shouldn't have had that child is interesting.....do you know if he isn't thinking the same thing. How sad that would be but if you thought it maybe he did too. Would that be a reason to be struggling with his knew situation and not understanding how to handle it?

It's possible...it's also why I don't let other peoples struggles and actions determine my emotions about them. Everyone doesn't choose such a route nor do I expect them to. I am just sharing my views on the situation.

Whether he wishes he had a child or not...he had one. Then he decided to marry a woman with a child and now has a stepdaughter. He spends more time with her and appears to care more about her than his own son. My opinion is that this is wrong.

Fab1b;542241 wrote:Gerb in all seriousness, from someone that lost his father just 4 years ago at a young age of 54 I can't imagine not having the relationship I did with him and am very thankful for that. ...

I couldn't imagine it either. I did my best to make sure we had a relationship. To his credit ...it wasn't difficult to do so.

Fab4Runner;542249 wrote:Whether he wishes he had a child or not...he had one. Then he decided to marry a woman with a child and now has a stepdaughter. He spends more time with her and appears to care more about her than his own son. My opinion is that this is wrong.

Maybe he truly does care more about that step-child.

I understand you feel it is wrong but we don't get to determine his feelings. They are his feelings. We can't change people. I would accept him as he is knowing what he is....but that's just me.

ernest_t_bass;542248 wrote:One of the favorite quotes I've ever heard, from pot-head Ricky Williams nonetheless (From "Run Rucky Run").

"I learned at a very young age that you can’t blame things on other people because it takes the power out of your hands."

Bingo. He said it much better than I.

Con_Alma;542203 wrote:Gerb can and will deal with his father anyway he chooses. That's my point. We choose our relationships and how we "feel" about them no matter who the person is. He is choosing to be pissed and "bothered". I wouldn't.

I don't necessarily think based on what I have read that his father was a POS at all but then again I'm not Gerb and am not in the relationship so it really doesn't matter.

you are a jackass, we don't handle things the way "perfect con alma" does...get off your high horse con

Gerb, just ignore your fathers calls and if he gets the picture he will realize what a jackass he has been. If not, then he truly is a shitty father and doesn't deserve to be in contact with your his grandkids

Jackass?? ...possibly

Perfect? ...far from it.

Certain? ...as much as I possibly can be.

My quote that you used, however, stated that Gerb can and will deal with this any way he chooses. Shouldn't he be allowed to do that instead of the way you tell him to?

Con_Alma;542256 wrote:Maybe he truly does care more about that step-child.

I understand you feel it is wrong but we don't get to determine his feelings. They are his feelings. We can't change people. I would accept him as he is knowing what he is....but that's just me.

Sounds like an excuse to be a shitty parent. I hate that line of thinking..."Well it's just the way I am" or it's just the way he/she is. If the way you are is bad then change it.