Fab4Runner;542274 wrote:Sounds like an excuse to be a shitty parent. I hate that line of thinking..."Well it's just the way I am" or it's just the way he/she is. If the way you are is bad then change it.

It might indeed be an excuse.

If that's the way he is it's not for me to change nor would I allow myself to be disappointed if he didn't. It's no different than him expecting me to not be the father I want to be and as best as I can.

In addition, he might not think it's "bad" just because others do... even his son.

Con_Alma;542272 wrote:Jackass?? ...possibly

Perfect? ...far from it.

Certain? ...as much as I possibly can be.

My quote that you used, however, stated that Gerb can and will deal with this any way he chooses. Shouldn't he be allowed to do that instead of the way you tell him to?

Shouldn't a father be there for his kid and not rub his success in his own kids face while not even helping out or being there for his own kid/grandson?

ol' Dad's a doosh for sure Gerb, but all the whining & wishing things were different is bringing you close to the doosher line too.

Buck up man, change the phone nos. tell the other relatives this guy is no longer part of your life and be the Dad to your kids that this a-hole obviously couldn't be for you. Good Luck it will be hard but we usually surprise ourselves with how resolute we can be when we need to.

I find there's something interesting going on in this thread. And that is that you can definitely tell the difference between those opinions of the younger posters and the little older posters.

Younger posters: screw your dad man, don't talk to him anymore, tell him to go to hell!

older posters: you cannot control what others think say or do, you can only control what you think say or do

There is some sort of discontent or strife in all families. As we get older we find ourselves tired of wishing for what isn't going to happen. We can either adjust to the realities of the situation or find ourselves sitting in our own cesspool of hurt. That's a harsh reality, I know. But it just is what it is.

gerb, the very least you can do to ease your own mind is to have a long and very detailed conversation with your dad. At the very least, it will let you get this off your chest. It might even have some positive improvement on your dads behavior. At the most it will provide you being able to lay the rules of engagement with your relationship with your dad from here on out.

some of these posts are funny but im siding with gerb on this one.....sounds like his dad got a second family and is now the parent he wasnt when gerb was growing up.

Gblock;542340 wrote:some of these posts are funny but im siding with gerb on this one.....sounds like his dad got a second family and is now the parent he wasnt when gerb was growing up.

Then what do you suggest? Should gerb get over it or stay under it?

On very rare occasions ETB makes me laugh hard. This is one of them.

More old man socks please.

Con_Alma;542203 wrote:Gerb can and will deal with his father anyway he chooses. That's my point. We choose our relationships and how we "feel" about them no matter who the person is. He is choosing to be pissed and "bothered". I wouldn't.

I don't necessarily think based on what I have read that his father was a POS at all but then again I'm not Gerb and am not in the relationship so it really doesn't matter.

If life were that black and white we would have no problems. That's like saying if you wife that you loved left you, you should just be able to choose not to have any feeling toward her, and everything would be ok. Not exactly how it works. Often times your mind and your heart aren't on the same page.

CenterBHSFan;542347 wrote:Then what do you suggest? Should gerb get over it or stay under it?

idk seemed like he was just venting....he should do whatever he wants and that could change depending on how he feels...you can be over something and it still can rise up and hurt you imo.....if it was me i would say it to my dad and get it off my chest but i dont like to give advice without more facts. he should do what he wants.

my father never met his dad till he was 18 and then only met him once. my dad is 56 and this summer his father invited him to a family reunion at his house. i kinda felt like he should meet him because if he dies you might regret it and you cant go back. if you meet him you can at least say you did and then never talk to him again if you dont want.

but i didnt give my personal opinion..i told him i would support him whatever he chose. i would like to meet my grandfather just to see where my genes came from and especially those on the other side of my family but ultimately he decided not to meet him so thats what it is. i could tell he still had some anger because they lived in neighboring towns and this guy had a family he took care of. I guess thats why my dad stuck around when i came along at 18 and has been with my mom 38 years. and he has 10 kids(4 adopted)

SnotBubbles;542362 wrote:On very rare occasions ETB makes me laugh hard. This is one of them.

More old man socks please.

And I don't know if this is an old man, but how about a fat sock:

Gblock...your ol' man sounds like one helluva guy. Nice share man.

Gerb... I for one feel very sorry for you. All anyone in this life wants when it gets down to it is to be loved. And you are not feeling loved by the one person in your life that should be issuing unconditional love... and that sucks! All of the stuff (trips, money, etc.) do not mean squat.. it is simply the loss of that loving relationship.

Forgive him, pray for him, wish him well, and move on... As others mentioned focus on the relationship with your family and try to make it the best possible. Good luck and I am praying for you!

ETB, that last pic of yours looks like edema socks/wraps lol