Would You Let Your Girl...

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Q

queencitybuckeye

Senior Member

7,117 posts
Feb 26, 2010 6:43 AM
As our wedding approach, someone asked me if my wife was going to take my name. Until then, I hadn't even thought about it.
Feb 26, 2010 6:43am
I

iluvz

Senior Member

262 posts
Feb 26, 2010 6:57 AM
Con_Alma wrote: ^^^^

No that's not it at all. Good God! ...talk about an overreaction!
Its not? What exactly is it then. Some controlling non-optional condition that a woman must do? Because a majority of you are saying no way, and absolutely not. So what, a woman is supposed to change a big portion of what has defined her her entire life, but as men you're not willing to compromise and let her keep part of that with a hyphenization? The minute a man tried to tell me absolutely not, and this goes for anything, would be the minute he'd be out the door.
Feb 26, 2010 6:57am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Feb 26, 2010 7:09 AM
Is a woman supposed to? No. Is it available as an option to unify the core family? Yes. Is it possible for the man to change his name also? Yes. Do men feel it's a divine right? Wow! I'll say no and that's what I meant by "that's not it at all".

It became commonplace for the woman to change her last name but it is not a forced action and there are "compromising" men all over who it doesn't matter whether it takes place or not. You might actually find some on this thread.

I have posted above that it's my wife's name suggesting with it being "her" name that it's also her decision...but if she ever approached me with the same type of rant and disdain as your post was laidened with I would probably take the same approach as you did regarding the "out the door" suggestion because it would have been clear to me that I had chosen the wrong person to spend my life with....for any one who had that type of hatred in their means of communication was clearly not the person I should be marrying.
Feb 26, 2010 7:09am
KR1245's avatar

KR1245

Senior Member

4,317 posts
Feb 26, 2010 7:30 AM
Plan on getting engaged this summer and I really havent thought about it. I assume that she will be taking my name.

My sister-in-law is a MD and she hyphenated her name. Could help former patients find her a little easier, seems to make senese.
Feb 26, 2010 7:30am
N

noreply66

Senior Member

466 posts
Feb 26, 2010 7:37 AM
If she wants --let her do it--get off the old wagon--if you want to stay with the old wagon --please put a motor on it
Feb 26, 2010 7:37am
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
Feb 26, 2010 8:12 AM
My wife and I have different last names. She never changed hers when we got married. She identified with her maiden name and kept it. No long drawn out politically correct debate, that simply is her last name.
Feb 26, 2010 8:12am
O

osu99

Senior Member

333 posts
Feb 26, 2010 8:56 AM
My kept her's and we have survived. It's her name so she can keep it. No big deal.
Feb 26, 2010 8:56am
GoChiefs's avatar

GoChiefs

Resident Maniac

16,754 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:09 AM
iluvz wrote: No way would I ever consider changing my name if I got married again. Then again, I won't ever get married again, so its really a non issue. I think its ridiculous that men think they have some devine right for a woman to change her name. What are you giving of yourself that's of equal value as half of who you identify yourself as? If you need a piece of paper, or for a woman to change her name to solidify your relationship, or for her to 'prove' her love for you, or for you to feel secure with her, you already have a fatal flaw.
Now we see why you're divorced! :) I'm KIDDING! But seriously..who let you out of the kitchen? :huh: :P
Feb 26, 2010 9:09am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:12 AM
Remember....that flaw is fatal!!!
Feb 26, 2010 9:12am
CenterBHSFan's avatar

CenterBHSFan

333 - I'm only half evil

6,115 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:20 AM
I kind of agree with iluvs.

Personally, I have no problem with a woman taking her husbands name. I have no problem with a woman keeping her maiden name.

But I wonder, out of the men who protest over the woman keeping her name... just how many of those same men would be willing to take her last name in marriage?
Maybe there should be a poll made here , with explanations of why or why not.

Unless the man or woman is from such a dynastic family, with alot riding on names, I just don't see what the sack-grabbing is all about. Example: Peerages in Europe depend on the continuation of noble names in order to keep entailments, Coat of Arms, Titles, etc.
Feb 26, 2010 9:20am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:21 AM
You can call me whatever you want. A name is what you make it. People will remember my name because of my actions not because of where the name came from.
Feb 26, 2010 9:21am
F

fan_from_texas

Senior Member

2,693 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:30 AM
A girl has every right to keep her own last name, if she so chooses. A guy has every right not to marry her because of it. It depends on how big of an issue it is to you.
Feb 26, 2010 9:30am
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:31 AM
I wouldn't care if she kept her last name or not.
Feb 26, 2010 9:31am
M

matdad

Senior Member

146 posts
Feb 26, 2010 9:32 AM
sherm03 wrote: ...keep her last name when you get married?

My girl feels really bummed out because she realized that after we get married, her family name is going to die out. She's been hinting that she wishes she could keep it and hyphenate her last name.

I said absolutely not. I can't stand it when chicks hyphenate their last name.

Anyone agree with me on this?
I'm with you man!
Feb 26, 2010 9:32am
sherm03's avatar

sherm03

I go balls deep.

7,349 posts
Feb 26, 2010 10:30 AM
LJ wrote:
sherm03 wrote:
LJ wrote: Are you sure about that?
LOL. I was until you just asked that. Now it's like 80/20.
With her reasoning being what it is, you better double check on that one
So the kid issue is actually what changed her mind here. Last night, we had a good talk. I explained that I understand why she wants to keep her name, and also expressed why it is important to me for her to take my name. I asked if our kids were going to have the hyphenated name and she said no. I think that's when it clicked for her. Me, and our children, will all have one last name...while hers would be different. I don't think she had thought about the kids, and once she realized that her name would be different than her child(ren)'s...she wasn't as big of a fan of it.

The taking of the man's last name is just a tradition that I have always liked. I've always felt that when a woman hyphenates her last name, it's almost as if she doesn't want to be identified as a couple with her husband. I absolutely hate coming across a couple where the woman has hyphenated her name because you can't say, "hi, Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Instead, you have to fumble around with "hi, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones-Smith." It's not a fatal flaw, it's not a huge issue, it's just a tradition that I've always appreciated and hoped would carry on. In much the same way, my girl would have been upset if I did not ask her dad's permission to propose. She would probably still marry me, but she would be disappointed. The name change is the same thing for me. I'd still marry her, but I would be disappointed.

Some of you are acting like I'm some crazy misogynist. I'm not. I just like this tradition, and was asking if anyone else felt the same way.
Feb 26, 2010 10:30am
M

mtrulz

Senior Member

2,905 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:12 AM
Her choice.
Feb 26, 2010 11:12am
LJ's avatar

LJ

Senior Member

16,351 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:17 AM
sherm03 wrote:
LJ wrote:
sherm03 wrote:
LJ wrote: Are you sure about that?
LOL. I was until you just asked that. Now it's like 80/20.
With her reasoning being what it is, you better double check on that one
So the kid issue is actually what changed her mind here. Last night, we had a good talk. I explained that I understand why she wants to keep her name, and also expressed why it is important to me for her to take my name. I asked if our kids were going to have the hyphenated name and she said no. I think that's when it clicked for her. Me, and our children, will all have one last name...while hers would be different. I don't think she had thought about the kids, and once she realized that her name would be different than her child(ren)'s...she wasn't as big of a fan of it.

Glad I could be of service.
Feb 26, 2010 11:17am
j_crazy's avatar

j_crazy

7 gram rocks. how i roll.

8,372 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:19 AM
I think it's annoying, but i don't have a problem with her doing it. the fact that she's changing it at all is something.
Feb 26, 2010 11:19am
C

cbus4life

Ignorant

2,849 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:25 AM
My fiancee will be keeping her last name. I'm absolutely fine with that.

P.S. Going along with the "what do you hate" thread, i'll throw the use of the term "your girl" into the mix as well.
Feb 26, 2010 11:25am
Fab1b's avatar

Fab1b

The Bald A-Hole!!

12,949 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:25 AM
UA5straightin2008 wrote:
UA5straightin2008 wrote: :D LOL

my nick name is "eggs" everyone calls me it...ill let you guess my last name
Over easy? :)
Feb 26, 2010 11:25am
ZWICK 4 PREZ's avatar

ZWICK 4 PREZ

Senior Member

7,733 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:29 AM
UA5straightin2008 wrote:
:D LOL

my nick name is "eggs" everyone calls me it...ill let you guess my last name
ovum?
Feb 26, 2010 11:29am
F

fan_from_texas

Senior Member

2,693 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:46 AM
sherm03 wrote:
LJ wrote:
sherm03 wrote:
LJ wrote: Are you sure about that?
LOL. I was until you just asked that. Now it's like 80/20.
With her reasoning being what it is, you better double check on that one
So the kid issue is actually what changed her mind here. Last night, we had a good talk. I explained that I understand why she wants to keep her name, and also expressed why it is important to me for her to take my name. I asked if our kids were going to have the hyphenated name and she said no. I think that's when it clicked for her. Me, and our children, will all have one last name...while hers would be different. I don't think she had thought about the kids, and once she realized that her name would be different than her child(ren)'s...she wasn't as big of a fan of it.

The taking of the man's last name is just a tradition that I have always liked. I've always felt that when a woman hyphenates her last name, it's almost as if she doesn't want to be identified as a couple with her husband. I absolutely hate coming across a couple where the woman has hyphenated her name because you can't say, "hi, Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Instead, you have to fumble around with "hi, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones-Smith." It's not a fatal flaw, it's not a huge issue, it's just a tradition that I've always appreciated and hoped would carry on. In much the same way, my girl would have been upset if I did not ask her dad's permission to propose. She would probably still marry me, but she would be disappointed. The name change is the same thing for me. I'd still marry her, but I would be disappointed.

Some of you are acting like I'm some crazy misogynist. I'm not. I just like this tradition, and was asking if anyone else felt the same way.
Sherm, I understand what you're saying, and I'm on board with you. My strong preference was for Mrs. FFT to take my last name, not because it signified misogynistic ownership of her, but because (1) it's traditional, and (2) it signified to the world that we're together as one entity. I guess she reasonably could have requested that I take her last name, but we didn't get to that point. I entirely respect a woman's right to keep her own last name, but that would probably be a marriage dealbreaker for me.
Feb 26, 2010 11:46am
Devils Advocate's avatar

Devils Advocate

Brudda o da bomber

4,539 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:50 AM
The big argument will be how to name the kids when they are born :(
Feb 26, 2010 11:50am
J

jmog

Senior Member

6,567 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:51 AM
Would it be a "deal breaker" if my wife didn't want to take my name or hyphenate? No

Would I have liked it? No, we probably would have had some discussions about it before we got married, but it wouldn't have been a deal breaker if she chose to keep her maiden name.
Feb 26, 2010 11:51am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Feb 26, 2010 11:58 AM
Devils Advocate wrote: The big argument will be how to name the kids when they are born :(
...shouldn't be an argument at all.

The key to a great marriage is great communication. If you and your wife have that you will be able to work through what last name the children will carry without arguing. If you don't have that you might have chosen the wrong person to marry.
Feb 26, 2010 11:58am