like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:39am
It would be interesting to see what would happen if Con_Alm's other half banged another guy. Would he tell his his relationship isnt over, but it has "changed?" What if she passes away at a young age in your marriage? I guess you can't find happiness anymore.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:39am
It's not a vague answer. I am legally her husband. The relationship does not legally end.Raw Dawgin' it;1162239 wrote:Translation - "I give vague answers on what my faith and beliefs tell me to do but in reality i have no idea what i would do and most likely would move on"
M
Manhattan Buckeye
Posts: 7,566
May 4, 2012 10:40am
So sayeth someone who's spouse (assumedly) doesn't have Alzheimer's. Even in my limited experience with it, it was pretty obvious that it would drive a spouse nuts - which it did with my wife's grandfather. I don't think he even spoke to her in the year leading up to his death, and they had been married for over 50 years. It was that painful for him. He was worn out and tired and probably just wanted to die himself, and I could see where it came from. Heck, spending just 30 minutes a day for a few days a year was painful enough for my wife and me.Con_Alma;1162246 wrote:Happiness comes from giving to the one you love. Giving the woman I vowed my life to the care and continued needed oversight of her medical needs is not a recipe of a miserable life.
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:40am
You can end that legal contract once she doesnt know who you are and she is banging other guys. You are contradicting yourself and going back and forth.Con_Alma;1162256 wrote:It's not a vague answer. I am legally her husband. The relationship does not legally end.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:41am
If my wife were unfaithful would I still be married to her?like_that;1162254 wrote:It would be interesting to see what would happen if Con_Alm's other half banged another guy. Would he tell his his relationship isnt over, but it has "changed?" What if she passes away at a young age in your marriage? I guess you can't find happiness anymore.
If she passed away would I still be married to her?
Those are your answers.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:42am
The contract isn't ended, however. I am her husband still and I choose to carry out those obligations. I am not contradicting anything. Her not knowing me doesn't change that contract.like_that;1162258 wrote:You can end that legal contract once she doesnt know who you are and she is banging other guys. You are contradicting yourself and going back and forth.
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:43am
Con_Alma says he's a better person for not giving up in the face of hardship. He would not walk away from a legal contract no matter what the circumstances. Your wifes grandfather clearly did not respect his vows.Manhattan Buckeye;1162257 wrote:So sayeth someone who's spouse (assumedly) doesn't have Alzheimer's. Even in my limited experience with it, it was pretty obvious that it would drive a spouse nuts - which it did with my wife's grandfather. I don't think he even spoke to her in the year leading up to his death, and they had been married for over 50 years. It was that painful for him. He was worn out and tired and probably just wanted to die himself, and I could see where it came from. Heck, spending just 30 minutes a day for a few days a year was painful enough for my wife and me.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:44am
How can I speak from any other perspective than from someone who is not currently in this position.Manhattan Buckeye;1162257 wrote:So sayeth someone who's spouse (assumedly) doesn't have Alzheimer's. Even in my limited experience with it, it was pretty obvious that it would drive a spouse nuts - which it did with my wife's grandfather. I don't think he even spoke to her in the year leading up to his death, and they had been married for over 50 years. It was that painful for him. He was worn out and tired and probably just wanted to die himself, and I could see where it came from. Heck, spending just 30 minutes a day for a few days a year was painful enough for my wife and me.
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:44am
I may not always answer questions, but when i do i answer with a vague question.Con_Alma;1162260 wrote:If my wife were unfaithful would I still be married to her?
If she passed away would I still be married to her?
Those are your answers.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:45am
I have never spoke of being better or worse than anyone else.Raw Dawgin' it;1162262 wrote:Con_Alma says he's a better person for giving up in the face of hardship. He would not walk away from a legal contract no matter what the circumstances. Your wifes grandfather clearly did not respect his vows.
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:46am
Do you know what the word imply means?Con_Alma;1162267 wrote:I have never spoke of being better or worse than anyone else.
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friendfromlowry
Posts: 6,239
May 4, 2012 10:46am
The question wasn't "Your altered mental status wife is having sex with another man, because she doesn't know any better. Should you pretend she doesn't exist anymore?" The question was, "Your wife has found happiness, so should you also?"Con_Alma;1162246 wrote:Happiness comes from giving to the one you love. Giving the woman I vowed my life to the care and continued needed oversight of her medical needs is not a recipe of a miserable life.
If you still consider it cheating, then fine. Do you have any experience with Alzheimer's? These people are usually so out of their mind, it doesn't matter if they're in their own house, hospital, nursing home, and if you're there with them or not. I've seen plenty of instances where loved ones cannot be around the affected individual because they're so mentally debilitated. You can ensure that they're well taken care, but other than that there isn't much you can do. Sometimes, like in the scenario the OP was saying, your presence will actually make things worse.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:46am
If my wife were unfaithful I would still be her husband.Raw Dawgin' it;1162265 wrote:I may not always answer questions, but when i do i answer with a vague question.
If my wife died I would no longer be her husband.
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Manhattan Buckeye
Posts: 7,566
May 4, 2012 10:47am
Empathy. Or if not empathy, the idea that being in a certain situation, and in this case an EXTREME situation, may cause one to question a belief system they may hold unquestionable.Con_Alma;1162264 wrote:How can I speak from any other perspective than from someone who is not currently in this position.
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:48am
SMH.Con_Alma;1162272 wrote:If my wife were unfaithful I would still be her husband.
If my wife died I would no longer be her husband.
ernest_t_bass
Posts: 24,984
May 4, 2012 10:49am
LOL at you guys picking Con_alma apart for his stance on this. Why do you guys have such a problem with his stance? He doesn't have a problem with your stance. He's only defending his own.
Can't believe I just did that...
Can't believe I just did that...
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:49am
Doesn't implying have intent behind it? I have no intentions of my actions being valued greater or lesser than someone else's.Raw Dawgin' it;1162268 wrote:Do you know what the word imply means?
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:50am
Are you suggesting I would not legally be her husband because she was unfaithful?like_that;1162274 wrote:SMH.
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:50am
negsernest_t_bass;1162275 wrote:LOL at you guys picking Con_alma apart for his stance on this. Why do you guys have such a problem with his stance? He doesn't have a problem with your stance. He's only defending his own.
Can't believe I just did that...
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:52am
It may indeed. I am answering from my perspective right now and I promised to see through my commitment ...even if she became sick.Manhattan Buckeye;1162273 wrote:Empathy. Or if not empathy, the idea that being in a certain situation, and in this case an EXTREME situation, may cause one to question a belief system they may hold unquestionable.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:53am
I understand and my response is that I find comfort and happiness in seeing through what I promised. There's a sense of peace derived from that.friendfromlowry;1162270 wrote:The question wasn't "Your altered mental status wife is having sex with another man, because she doesn't know any better. Should you pretend she doesn't exist anymore?" The question was, "Your wife has found happiness, so should you also?"
...
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:53am
Yes, the "legal contract" should be terminated.Con_Alma;1162277 wrote:Are you suggesting I would not legally be her husband because she was unfaithful?
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:55am
It's not, however. You may think that it should be but I am responding to the question based on the fact that the contract is still in place and I committed to it for life even when disastrous sickness in involved.like_that;1162283 wrote:Yes, the "legal contract" should be terminated.
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:57am
So you will still remain faithful to your wife even if she bangs 5 guys behind your back, all because of a contract?Con_Alma;1162286 wrote:It's not, however. You may think that it should be but I am responding to the question based on the fact that the contract is still in place and I committed to it for life even when disastrous sickness in involved.
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Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:58am
...because of the promise I made which doesn't end because of illness, yes.like_that;1162288 wrote:So you will still remain faithful to your wife even if she bangs 5 guys behind your back, all because of a contract?
Isn't that when the committment truly has substance to it?