An Alzheimer's Question

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Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:23am
Con_Alma;1162216 wrote:I'm not married to strangers. If I were married to someone and they then became unable to know who I was, I would still have a relationship with them, yes. My role would be very different in their lives but it wouldn't change the commitment I made to them.
You're a stranger to them - be more vague, it helps your argument a lot. I'd like to know how you carry on a relationship with someone who doesnt know who you are.
M
Manhattan Buckeye
Posts: 7,566
May 4, 2012 10:24am
Con_Alma;1162209 wrote:Her moving on and banging another guy doesn't end the relationship. It changes it. The relationship ends at physical death.
The relationship ends when one person isn't capable of relating anymore. Early stage Alzheimer's is extremely rare, but it does happen even to people in their 30's.

I can't imagine anyone counseling their children that if their spouse develops this at say, age 35 (again extremely rare, but it happens), that they should be guilted to live decades with someone that doesn't recognize them, doesn't recall any memories of their relationship, is unable to create any type of relationship going forward and needs professional care 24/7. Alzheimer's is difficult enough for spouses to live through even after a lifetime together, I can't imagine what it would be like to have it happen at a far earlier age.
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:24am
sleeper;1162217 wrote:Yes like_that, I even bang your mom.
You can do better than that little guy. Come on.
Con_Alma;1162218 wrote:I'm sure it would mean it was over for you. I'm not answering for you. I am answering for me. Being married isn't solely about who I choose to be intimate with.
Yes, I know. Please refer to the "sackless pussy" portion of my post. Thanks.
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:26am
Raw Dawgin' it;1162219 wrote:You're a stranger to them - be more vague, it helps your argument a lot. I'd like to know how you carry on a relationship with someone who doesnt know who you are.
According to Con_Alma you are commited to her until death. So, even if she gets creeped out by a "stranger" that she gets a restraining order on for stalking, con alma will still press on.
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:26am
Raw Dawgin' it;1162219 wrote:You're a stranger to them - be more vague, it helps your argument a lot. I'd like to know how you carry on a relationship with someone who doesnt know who you are.
...by looking out for them and assisting them in anyway possible as it relates to their ongoing medical needs....by being certain that the issue that still plagues them is handle with respect and the utmost reverence and honor. It's a provider relationship at that point...one that was vowed and would be a privilege to make available if required to do so.
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:26am
like_that;1162221 wrote:You can do better than that little guy. Come on.



Yes, I know. Please refer to the "sackless pussy" portion of my post. Thanks.
A pussy is sackless, so this is redundant

#Con_Alma'd
sleeper's avatar
sleeper
Posts: 27,879
May 4, 2012 10:26am
And you can do better than "STFU".
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:28am
like_that;1162222 wrote:According to Con_Alma you are commited to her until death. So, even if she gets creeped out by a "stranger" that she gets a restraining order on for stalking, con alma will still press on.
Why would she creeped out? She may not ever even see you.
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:28am
sleeper;1162227 wrote:And you can do better than "STFU".
Reps, you are right.

I was just making sure this convo didn't turn into one of your religious shit fest threads. There is already a 60+ page thread for that.
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:28am
Con_Alma;1162225 wrote:...by looking out for them and assisting them in anyway possible as it relates to their ongoing medical needs....by being certain that the issue that still plagues them is handle with respect and the utmost reverence and honor. It's a provider relationship at that point...one that was vowed and would be a privilege to make available if required to do so.
What if she doesn't want you around because she has no clue who you are? What if you go to where she is being cared for an she is carrying on a relationship with another man and requests you never come by again because it scares her to hear someone she doesnt know say they're her husband?
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:28am
Con_Alma;1162229 wrote:Why would she creeped out? She may not ever even see you.
So you are going to watch her from a distance, while she is banging other guys?
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:29am
Con_Alma;1162229 wrote:Why would she creeped out? She may not ever even see you.
LOL-Stalker
sleeper's avatar
sleeper
Posts: 27,879
May 4, 2012 10:29am
like_that;1162230 wrote:Reps, you are right.

I was just making sure this convo didn't turn into one of your religious shit fest threads. There is already a 60+ page thread for that.
Agreed. I don't want it to either.
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:30am
Manhattan Buckeye;1162220 wrote:The relationship ends when one person isn't capable of relating anymore. Early stage Alzheimer's is extremely rare, but it does happen even to people in their 30's.

I can't imagine anyone counseling their children that if their spouse develops this at say, age 35 (again extremely rare, but it happens), that they should be guilted to live decades with someone that doesn't recognize them, doesn't recall any memories of their relationship, is unable to create any type of relationship going forward and needs professional care 24/7. Alzheimer's is difficult enough for spouses to live through even after a lifetime together, I can't imagine what it would be like to have it happen at a far earlier age.
The relationship does not legally end.

It's an awful scenario for certain. One with which I would hope noone at any age has to experience. I sympathize with those that ave.
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:31am
like_that;1162232 wrote:So you are going to watch her from a distance, while she is banging other guys?
Visibility, mine nor hers, has never been implied in my posts.

Watching her isn't necessary.
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:32am
Raw Dawgin' it;1162231 wrote:What if she doesn't want you around because she has no clue who you are? What if you go to where she is being cared for an she is carrying on a relationship with another man and requests you never come by again because it scares her to hear someone she doesnt know say they're her husband?
Who said I would be "around". Why would you assume that?
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:32am
Con_Alma;1162236 wrote:The relationship does not legally end.

It's an awful scenario for certain. One with which I would hope noone at any age has to experience. I sympathize with those that ave.
Translation - "I give vague answers on what my faith and beliefs tell me to do but in reality i have no idea what i would do and most likely would move on"
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:33am
Con_Alma;1162237 wrote:Visibility, mine nor hers, has never been implied in my posts.

Watching her isn't necessary.
So, she has moved on with her new life, and you are going to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life? LOL.

"Being miserable was never implied. My faith will always keep me happy"
/Con_Alma'd
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:34am
Con_Alma;1162238 wrote:Who said I would be "around". Why would you assume that?
0_o - how do you care for someone without being around? why is it in quotes? Why can't you give a straight answer? How does someone put up with you 24/7?
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:35am
like_that;1162241 wrote:So, she has moved on with her new life, and you are going to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life? LOL.

"Being miserable was never implied. My faith will always keep me happy"
/Con_Alma'd
Happiness comes from giving to the one you love. Giving the woman I vowed my life to the care and continued needed oversight of her medical needs is not a recipe of a miserable life.
Raw Dawgin' it's avatar
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
May 4, 2012 10:37am
Con_Alma;1162246 wrote:Happiness comes from giving to the one you love. Giving the woman I vowed my life to the care and continued needed oversight of her medical needs is not a recipe of a miserable life.
Wait - how can you do these things if you're not around? Oh you'll send care takes a check! got it.
M
Manhattan Buckeye
Posts: 7,566
May 4, 2012 10:37am
Con_Alma;1162236 wrote:The relationship does not legally end.

It's an awful scenario for certain. One with which I would hope noone at any age has to experience. I sympathize with those that ave.
Who said anything about legal? The relationship is over. That doesn't mean the spouse shouldn't make sure the afflicted party isn't taken care of, but there is a concept of moving on. If this happened to either me or my wife (in our late 30's) I'd like to think our collective parents would absolutely insist that some sort of "getting on with life" happens for lack of better words. This is particularly important if there are children involved.
like_that's avatar
like_that
Posts: 26,625
May 4, 2012 10:37am
Con_Alma;1162246 wrote:Happiness comes from giving to the one you love. Giving the woman I vowed my life to the care and continued needed oversight of her medical needs is not a recipe of a miserable life.
There has to be reciprocation in that love. Sorry, no reciprocation, then no happiness from the relationship.
justincredible's avatar
justincredible
Posts: 32,056
May 4, 2012 10:38am
I'd move on, for sure. It's not like she's ever coming back from it, right? She no longer knows who I am. I'd make sure she's taken care of and visit but the relationship would be over. I'm not going to leave my wife if she has cancer but if she has no idea who I am anymore what's the point?
C
Con_Alma
Posts: 12,198
May 4, 2012 10:38am
Raw Dawgin' it;1162243 wrote:0_o - how do you care for someone without being around? why is it in quotes? Why can't you give a straight answer? How does someone put up with you 24/7?
I thought it was a straight answer. Didn't the example state she is in a skilled care facility? Am I not as her legal husband involved in those medical activities? I believe I have an obligation to see them through as best as I am able.

The would "around" was put in quotes because I was trying to use the language you did in posing the question to me.