So, my wife comes home on Friday and says my uncle (Dad's brother) just had quadruple bypass surgery and that he's doing ok. My wife saw it on my cousin's Facebook. My uncle aren't super close and he is also my God father, but my dad never called me or my brother to tell us. My mom (dad's ex) also didn't know, but I wouldn't expect him to call her.

My wife second comment was "why didn't your father tell you?" and I didn't have an answer and was embarrassed that I didn't. Later that night my dad calls while I'm giving the kids a bath so I missed the call but he left a message. I feel better cause he called, but when I check the message he only says that he wants to come visit in a few weeks and that he got a new truck he wants me check out.

He then called Sunday and asked me to call him back so he can plan on coming down or not. I was pissed and didn't. He called again Monday and sounded mad and just said call me back.

Some background: my dad has always been about himself. He missed my brother's daughter's baptism for a haircut he said he really needed and he didn't drive the 2.5 hours for either of my kid's births (22 months and 6 months old so it's pretty recent), opting instead to come a few months later when everything "settled down" as he put it. My mom woke up at 2am and got in her car when we called saying the labor started, but that's how my mom is. There have been several dozen things over the years where he's put himself in front of "family first" as the rest of us see it.

Anyway, would you expect a call before a family member went into major surgery or, if it was a sudden thing, then at least right afterward letting me know he's ok? I understand maybe he wanted to tell me himself on the phone, but I think he should have left a message. As far as he knows, I don't know about it yet.

Post your thoughts, smartass or otherwise. It's not a huge deal - I just want some opinions.

Nothing in the facts you provided seem to imply that he is gay. So I'm going to say he probably doesn't suck.

I think your old man and gerb's old man should get together and go bowling.

^^^^

Who is that?

From the Breakfast Club ... it's a line from the movie.

Sounds like he didn't want to tell you, which could be for a # of reasons.

It could be that he didn't want you to worry about him.

It could be a moment of weakness from him to you.

I don't know, just confront him about it. If he lies, sleep with his wife then curbstomp his dog.

gorocks99;542659 wrote:From the Breakfast Club ... it's a line from the movie.

No, I think that's Adam Duritz.

hoops23;542675 wrote:Sounds like he didn't want to tell you, which could be for a # of reasons.

It could be that he didn't want you to worry about him.

It could be a moment of weakness from him to you.

I don't know, just confront him about it. If he lies, sleep with his wife then curbstomp his dog.

Good post - thanks.

You guys have terrible fathers.

sleeper;542748 wrote:You guys have terrible fathers.

this

sleeper;542748 wrote:You guys have terrible fathers.

What if their fathers graduated from Ohio State?

sleeper;542748 wrote:You guys have terrible fathers.

I've seen much worse where I grew up. So has Zwick probably.

Fly4Fun;542763 wrote:What if their fathers graduated from Ohio State?

sleeper wrote:You guys have terrible(but extremely wealthy) fathers.

Fixed.

You had your opportunty to ask him about it but didn't.....why not? Sometimes the only way to get through to some people is to open your mouth and voice your displeasure at having found out the back way.

hoops23;542675 wrote:Sounds like he didn't want to tell you, which could be for a # of reasons.

It could be that he didn't want you to worry about him.

It could be a moment of weakness from him to you.

I don't know, just confront him about it. If he lies, sleep with his wife then curbstomp his dog.

you forgot to leave an upper decker.

Steel Valley Football;542636 wrote:...


Some background: my dad has always been about himself....There have been several dozen things over the years where he's put himself in front of "family first" as the rest of us see it. ...

Anyway, would you expect a call before a family member went into major surgery or, if it was a sudden thing, then at least right afterward letting me know he's ok? ...

Based on his past personality patter as shared by you, not only would I not expect a call from him regarding this medical situation I would be quite shocked if he did.

Happens in every family. Sometimes, people just forget. I forget to tell my wife important things all the time. She forgot to tell me she was pregnant until 8 months in. Roll with the punches.

Steel Valley Football;542636 wrote:So, my wife comes home on Friday and says my uncle (Dad's brother) just had quadruple bypass surgery and that he's doing ok. My wife saw it on my cousin's Facebook. My uncle aren't super close and he is also my God father, but my dad never called me or my brother to tell us. My mom (dad's ex) also didn't know, but I wouldn't expect him to call her.

My wife second comment was "why didn't your father tell you?" and I didn't have an answer and was embarrassed that I didn't. Later that night my dad calls while I'm giving the kids a bath so I missed the call but he left a message. I feel better cause he called, but when I check the message he only says that he wants to come visit in a few weeks and that he got a new truck he wants me check out.

He then called Sunday and asked me to call him back so he can plan on coming down or not. I was pissed and didn't. He called again Monday and sounded mad and just said call me back.

Some background: my dad has always been about himself. He missed my brother's daughter's baptism for a haircut he said he really needed and he didn't drive the 2.5 hours for either of my kid's births (22 months and 6 months old so it's pretty recent), opting instead to come a few months later when everything "settled down" as he put it. My mom woke up at 2am and got in her car when we called saying the labor started, but that's how my mom is. There have been several dozen things over the years where he's put himself in front of "family first" as the rest of us see it.

Anyway, would you expect a call before a family member went into major surgery or, if it was a sudden thing, then at least right afterward letting me know he's ok? I understand maybe he wanted to tell me himself on the phone, but I think he should have left a message. As far as he knows, I don't know about it yet.

Post your thoughts, smartass or otherwise. It's not a huge deal - I just want some opinions.

After reading this, the first thing that comes to mind is, if this is YOUR Uncle and YOUR God Father, why didn't YOU know he was having a quadruple bypass surgery? You already stated that your Uncle and father "aren't' super close", so why is it his responsibility to inform you of things like this? Shouldn't you be calling and talking to your Uncle & God Father more?

To answer your question, yeah, your dad sounds like he's pretty much a dick, but what are you gonna do, he's your father!

Bigred1995;543814 wrote:After reading this, the first thing that comes to mind is, if this is YOUR Uncle and YOUR God Father, why didn't YOU know he was having a quadruple bypass surgery? You already stated that your Uncle and father "aren't' super close", so why is it his responsibility to inform you of things like this? Shouldn't you be calling and talking to your Uncle & God Father more?

To answer your question, yeah, your dad sounds like he's pretty much a dick, but what are you gonna do, he's your father!

You have a point, but we are likely as close as we will ever get; currently.

Steel Valley Football;542636 wrote: he didn't drive the 2.5 hours for either of my kid's births (22 months and 6 months old so it's pretty recent), opting instead to come a few months later when everything "settled down" as he put it. My mom woke up at 2am and got in her car when we called saying the labor started, but that's how my mom is.

FWIW, I don't think this is unreasonable. We actually requested that family stay away for awhile after the birth of our son, and I think that's not too uncommon. Most people we know prefer to have some time together as a new family before everyone attacks them in the hospital.

But to your bigger question, nothing I've read so far confirms that he does, in fact, suck. If you knew about the surgery, you should've brought it up with him.

fan_from_texas;545071 wrote:FWIW, I don't think this is unreasonable. We actually requested that family stay away for awhile after the birth of our son, and I think that's not too uncommon. Most people we know prefer to have some time together as a new family before everyone attacks them in the hospital.

But to your bigger question, nothing I've read so far confirms that he does, in fact, suck. If you knew about the surgery, you should've brought it up with him. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling weak--who knows?

Are you following along? I was miffed that my dad didn't tell me about the surgery. Why would my dad be embarrassed about my uncle having an emergency bypass? I actually don't think you read anything here; you just answered blindly.

fan_from_texas;545071 wrote:FWIW, I don't think this is unreasonable. We actually requested that family stay away for awhile after the birth of our son, and I think that's not too uncommon. Most people we know prefer to have some time together as a new family before everyone attacks them in the hospital.

But to your bigger question, nothing I've read so far confirms that he does, in fact, suck. If you knew about the surgery, you should've brought it up with him. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling weak--who knows?

No way. Grandparents should be there ASAP when their grandchildren are born.

Steel Valley Football;545082 wrote:Are you following along? I was miffed that my dad didn't tell me about the surgery. Why would my dad be embarrassed about my uncle having an emergency bypass? I actually don't think you read anything here; you just answered blindly.

I misunderstood part, but I think I get the general idea. Your uncle had surgery; your dad didn't call you about it; now you're miffed. I don't think this is a big deal, and it certainly isn't worth holding a grudge over. I don't think it means that your dad sucks--why is your dad responsible to tell you what happens with your uncle? Why not someone else? Why don't you keep in touch with your uncle directly and find this stuff out?

Steel Valley Football;545084 wrote:No way. Grandparents should be there ASAP when their grandchildren are born.

Eh, your mileage may vary, but that's certainly not the norm here. We've had 6 friends give birth in the last year, and to my knowledge, none of them had family show up right away. In-town family typically came a few days later (when they left the hospital), and out-of-town guests came some weeks/months later. Most people I know tell their parents NOT to visit for a few days while they settle in and adjust to the new baby. Maybe it's a regional thing or a cultural thing, but I would view it as a bonus (rather than an insult) if a grandparent held off for awhile until things settled down.

Did you guys ever think that maybe your dads are disappointed because they thought they had boys/sons and instead they have a couple whiny little bitches? "You should do this...you should tell me that....blah blah blah...now I'm gonna pout and not return your phone calls." Fucking drama.

In this particular case, do you know for a fact that your dad even knew? I mean, your cousin didn't call you, but put it on facebook?

ernest_t_bass;543769 wrote:Happens in every family. Sometimes, people just forget. I forget to tell my wife important things all the time. She forgot to tell me she was pregnant until 8 months in. Roll with the punches.

But did she tell the father?

enigmaax;545097 wrote:Did you guys ever think that maybe your dads are disappointed because they thought they had boys/sons and instead they have a couple whiny little bitches? "You should do this...you should tell me that....blah blah blah...now I'm gonna pout and not return your phone calls." Fucking drama.

In this particular case, do you know for a fact that your dad even knew? I mean, your cousin didn't call you, but put it on facebook?



But did she tell the father?

Fuck off.