karen lotz;413398 wrote:thats pretty gay

ccrunner609;413749 wrote:riding with mom and dad?

karen lotz;413398 wrote:thats pretty gay

BORIStheCrusher;414165 wrote:This was a few years back, when my fiance and I were seniors in high school and were going at it like crazy, at least a few times a night. Anyway, we were at my parents house late one night watching t.v. upstairs where my parents bedroom was. A lot of times we hung out downstairs because if they knew we were down there they wouldn't bother us. We started fooling around and since we were close to their room, decided to go downstairs. Shortly after we got our clothes off, got on the couch and started at it, we thought we heard something upstairs and just froze and looked at each other. Next thing I know I hear someone start to walk down the steps because I assume whoever figured I already took my gf home and was just sleeping down there. I grabbed the remote and turned on the t.v. hoping that would make whoever turn around and I pulled my naked gf over to a big lazyboy with me and tried best to cover us up with a large blanket. Next thing I know my mom is standing behind us, all of our clothes are in a pile on the floor next to us, and the t.v. is on the scrolling preview channel as if thats what we were watching. She just stared at us for a second and went back upstairs.

I then decided it was time to take her home, but she only lived about 5 minutes away from me so I took the long way home and smoked a few cigs because I thought my parents would be waiting up for me. I got home and nobody was up so I quietly walked up to the living room couch and tried to fall asleep as fast as possible. Next thing I know a light turns on behind me and someone is in the kitchen, and then my dad comes out as well. They get something to drink, talk for a minute, and then just go back to bed.

Mohican00;414870 wrote:That story was very anti climatic.

Pick6;414689 wrote:ok, sleeper

GoChiefs;414872 wrote:So was his night.

karen lotz;415058 wrote:I resemble that comment.

sleeper;415161 wrote:You do kind of resemble that comment.

[INDENT] I had been dating this very cute young girl here in New York City for a couple of months and we really hit it off.
It was a Friday night, i got off of work and went to a work sponsored happy hour. These things are done quarterly and with a neverending tab, the beers, shots, and carbombs started to flow. I stayed a couple of hours and was nicely drunk before I stumbled off to find food in Union Square, and found one of my favorites, Chipotle. I ordered the usual 3 soft taco's, chips and guacamole, and a Corona.
I got a call from my girlfriend who was leaving happy hour with her girlfriends and she wanted to meet at her place on the Upper East Side. This sounded great, as it was nearing 10 PM, I was drunk, full and content with the night.
Maybe because of the booze or adrenaline, I didn't notice the category 5 storm building in my stomach. I arrived at her place and we began fooling around, not only was this great, but she had just started taking the pill and we now could enjoy the pleasures of coitus without a raincoat. As we concluded the usual steps to intercourse, and began to proceed to sex, she told me to stop. I asked why, and she said I needed a condom. I asked her, why, since she had just started the pill and condoms were a thing of the past. She told me the pill takes 2 weeks to kick in and until than, we would have to continue the usage of prophylactics.
I was upset and dejected and told myself we could just fool around without sex. Five minutes later, I realized the impossibility of this task and the fact that this night was destined for greatness, and something small like this wasn't going to stop me from my goal. I threw on my clothes, did the old reliable tuck in the waistband and said I would go to Duane Reade to pick up a pack of condoms. I storm out and get in the elevator, where I notice faint rumblage from my stomach and I proceed to push out all the gas I was holding in while I was hooking up.
As I do this, I blow a huge fart but towards the tail end it turns into a massive shart. I get the sweats as I pace back and forth in the elevator, deciding what to do. I stick my hand down my pants to confirm my worst nightmare and realize I am in some serious serious trouble.
I duck walk out her apartment building to Duane Reade where I purchase the condoms and ask to use the restroom, to rid myself of the evidence and clean up. They say they do not have a restroom, which I find dubious, since the employees have to go somewhere and begin to panic as to my next course of action.


[INDENT] I can simply Houdini and go home, citing getting sick, or something else and live with her wrath or I can go to her apartment, clean myself off and consider hiding the evidence. I decide this is the best course of action and go to her apartment, sweating nervously. She opens the door wearing nothing but lingerie and I curse myself for stuffing myself on Chipotle and booze.
She starts kissing me, as I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I realize my predicament, there is no window, she lives with 3 other drunken girls and literally no place I can hide my stink-filled undies, not to mention the splatter art that is my ass cheeks.
I clean myself as best I could and return to her room where she is laying there waiting for me. I kneel down as not to spread the oil spill in my pants and start to notice the stench slowly filling the room. I panic, kiss her, and say I have to go, that I have just got to go. The look of shock on her face was terrible. I came up with a lie in my panic that I have Krohn's Disease and MUST go home to take my medicine immediately and ran out the door, leaving a gorgeous girl in lingerie begging for me. I hailed a cab and sat in my own feces the 90 blocks to my apartment. She called me once I was home and asked if Krohn's was contagious and if she needed to get tested. I explained that no, it was hereditary and I got it from my mom and had to keep up the lie for the remainder of our relationship even informing my mom when they were set to meet.
Not only did I not get laid, I had spent 15 dollars on the unused condoms and had to sit in my own filth with semi blue balls for a 20 dollar cab ride, and had ruined a nice pair of underwear.