N
Nate
Posts: 3,949
Mar 4, 2010 2:58pm
Definite LOL on the blumpkin. You should have had her give him something really weird besides an actual blumpkin.
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:02pm
Another with the same cousin as before, while he was spending the night at my first apartment:
(614): hey u wake
(330): Yeah. Why?
(614): my head hruts
(330): You drunk?
(614): don think so
(330): What are you doing?
(614): takn a pias
(330): No you're not. I can see the bathroom from here.
(614): uhoh
(330): WTF???
(614): im stll drunk i thnik
(614): hey u wake
(330): Yeah. Why?
(614): my head hruts
(330): You drunk?
(614): don think so
(330): What are you doing?
(614): takn a pias
(330): No you're not. I can see the bathroom from here.
(614): uhoh
(330): WTF???
(614): im stll drunk i thnik
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:03pm
classic again!
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:03pm
I was too flabbergasted to even respond.Keebler wrote: Definite LOL on the blumpkin. You should have had her give him something really weird besides an actual blumpkin.
hasbeen
Posts: 6,504
Mar 4, 2010 3:10pm
Me: Hey man, I think I'm gonna get with Girl when I get back!
Friend: Are you really?
Me:Yeah, this is going to be my first sloppy seconds from our group of friends.
Girl: Oh so I'm sloppying seconds?
Me: Fuck, I sent this "^^" to her!
Friend: You're fucking kidding me.
Me: Yeah, I'm finally going to eat this left out meat that my roomies leave out every week.
Girl: What?
Me: My roomie works at a meat market so we have all this meat, but they are dumb and leave the seconds out overnight and for days and I usually never eat it, but we have nothing else.
She bought. NO idea how.
Friend: Are you really?
Me:Yeah, this is going to be my first sloppy seconds from our group of friends.
Girl: Oh so I'm sloppying seconds?
Me: Fuck, I sent this "^^" to her!
Friend: You're fucking kidding me.
Me: Yeah, I'm finally going to eat this left out meat that my roomies leave out every week.
Girl: What?
Me: My roomie works at a meat market so we have all this meat, but they are dumb and leave the seconds out overnight and for days and I usually never eat it, but we have nothing else.
She bought. NO idea how.
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:11pm
good stuff^ girls will buy anything LOL
stationrun
Posts: 304
Mar 4, 2010 3:13pm
Had to look up what a blumpkin is, now wishing I hadn't!
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:13pm
^really?
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:14pm
LOL!stationrun wrote: Had to look up what a blumpkin is, now wishing I hadn't!
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:15pm
I have a bunch of these saved to a HD. I'm trying to find more of them.
hasbeen
Posts: 6,504
Mar 4, 2010 3:17pm
this isn't sexual but happened today
Friend: There's this shiny yellow circle on my weather widget. What is that?
Me: I've heard about that. It's a Greek god called "Sun" it stands for beer baseball and boobs
Friend: There's this shiny yellow circle on my weather widget. What is that?
Me: I've heard about that. It's a Greek god called "Sun" it stands for beer baseball and boobs
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:18pm
Here's a good one:
(Coworker): dude, she wants your nuts
(Me): So does my fiance. I'd like to keep it that way.
(Coworker): well maybe ill hit it then
(Me): Not likely, dude.
(Coworker): why the fuck not
(Me): Mostly because she just started making out with that guy over there.
(Coworker): fuck you
(Coworker): dude, she wants your nuts
(Me): So does my fiance. I'd like to keep it that way.
(Coworker): well maybe ill hit it then
(Me): Not likely, dude.
(Coworker): why the fuck not
(Me): Mostly because she just started making out with that guy over there.
(Coworker): fuck you
hasbeen
Posts: 6,504
Mar 4, 2010 3:18pm
hahaha!O-Trap wrote: Here's a good one:
(Coworker): dude, she wants your nuts
(Me): So does my fiance. I'd like to keep it that way.
(Coworker): well maybe ill hit it then
(Me): Not likely, dude.
(Coworker): why the fuck not
(Me): Mostly because she just started making out with that guy over there.
(Coworker): fuck you
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:19pm
I knew some of you people had to have some great funnies, keep them coming its gonna be a boring night at the office tonight and 11pm is far off!
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:23pm
A business partner and I:
(BP): fml
(Me): What does that mean?
(BP): fuck my life
(Me): Oh, I thought it meant "fuck my lady."
(Me): I was gonna respond with "iad."
(BP): whats that mean?
(BP): nvm you prick
(BP): fml
(Me): What does that mean?
(BP): fuck my life
(Me): Oh, I thought it meant "fuck my lady."
(Me): I was gonna respond with "iad."
(BP): whats that mean?
(BP): nvm you prick
N
Nate
Posts: 3,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:25pm
LOL @ iad
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:34pm
(Me): Hey.
(Wife): hi
(Me): Wanna try the piledriver tonight?
(My mom): What's that?
(Me): Oh, my bad mom. Megan and I are doing yoga three times a week, and that's a position we haven't tried yet.
(My mom): [o-trap], you don't have to lie. A simple 'oops' will tell me all I need to know.
(Me): Sorry, mom.
(My mom): It's okay.
(My mom): Also, be careful. That position can be dangerous.
(Me): MOM! STOP!
(Wife): hi
(Me): Wanna try the piledriver tonight?
(My mom): What's that?
(Me): Oh, my bad mom. Megan and I are doing yoga three times a week, and that's a position we haven't tried yet.
(My mom): [o-trap], you don't have to lie. A simple 'oops' will tell me all I need to know.
(Me): Sorry, mom.
(My mom): It's okay.
(My mom): Also, be careful. That position can be dangerous.
(Me): MOM! STOP!
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:35pm
O-trap keep em coming fantastic stuff
N
Nate
Posts: 3,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:37pm
LOL
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:44pm
I had a really good sales day one day where I made over $500 in commissions.
(Me): Ever slept with someone on pace to make over six figures in a year?
(Wife): yes [her ex] made that much the last year we were together
(Me): Wow. First time I've ever had a text message kick me in the nuts.
(Me): Ever slept with someone on pace to make over six figures in a year?
(Wife): yes [her ex] made that much the last year we were together
(Me): Wow. First time I've ever had a text message kick me in the nuts.
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 3:45pm
ha ha
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 3:49pm
(614): i just asked god for a drunk slut to go ome with me
(330): Umm ... okay?
(614): does that mean im going to hell
(330): I don't think so.
(614): rly?
(330): All things considered, you were already sprinting there before tonight.
(614): dam u
(330): Umm ... okay?
(614): does that mean im going to hell
(330): I don't think so.
(614): rly?
(330): All things considered, you were already sprinting there before tonight.
(614): dam u
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 4:45pm
(Danny): dudeshe looks hot tonite
(Me): Careful. You broke up with her for a reason.
(Danny): ya but maybe she might want a hit for oldtime sake
(Me): *to Danny's ex* Hey, Danny wants a booty call tonight.
(Danny): *to me* eat shit and die cockblock
(Me): Careful. You broke up with her for a reason.
(Danny): ya but maybe she might want a hit for oldtime sake
(Me): *to Danny's ex* Hey, Danny wants a booty call tonight.
(Danny): *to me* eat shit and die cockblock
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Mar 4, 2010 4:46pm
Killing me bro!
O-Trap
Posts: 14,994
Mar 4, 2010 4:56pm
As you can tell, most of these are with my cousin. Dude is sad and hilarious at the same time.
(Me): So, how's the trip to NYC?
(Danny): crzy
(Me): Are you bar-hopping?
(Danny): nno we didt hat erler
(Me): I can tell.
(Danny): dud ewich sid of a boat is prot side
(Me): Did you just ask which side of a BOAT is port side?
(Danny): yap
(Me): Where the hell are you?
(Danny): i thnk wer in candaa waters
(Me): Canada???
(Danny): thiik so
(Me): Do you have a passport?
(Danny): no dont wory im not suposd be on th rboat
(Me): I'm not posting your bail. Save this text so that you remember why I'm not there in the morning.
(Me): So, how's the trip to NYC?
(Danny): crzy
(Me): Are you bar-hopping?
(Danny): nno we didt hat erler
(Me): I can tell.
(Danny): dud ewich sid of a boat is prot side
(Me): Did you just ask which side of a BOAT is port side?
(Danny): yap
(Me): Where the hell are you?
(Danny): i thnk wer in candaa waters
(Me): Canada???
(Danny): thiik so
(Me): Do you have a passport?
(Danny): no dont wory im not suposd be on th rboat
(Me): I'm not posting your bail. Save this text so that you remember why I'm not there in the morning.