Common Death Protocol

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ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Nov 11, 2013 2:45 PM
I've always wondered about this... When a co-worker has a family member die, do you go out of your way to say that you are sorry for their loss, if this is a co-worker with whom you rarely converse? Does the action of going out of your way to say this show that you're only saying this because you feel obligated? Do you not mention it to the person, b/c you know EVERYONE else is going out of their way to give their condolences?

What's the common protocol? I'm guessing that common protocol is to just say you're sorry for their loss, regardless.
Nov 11, 2013 2:45pm
SnotBubbles's avatar

SnotBubbles

Master of teh QQ

4,492 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:27 PM
Is it a male co-worker or a female co-worker?
Nov 11, 2013 3:27pm
M

MontyBrunswick

Nov 11, 2013 3:30 PM
I wouldn't go out of my way. If one of my family members died I would want left alone.
Nov 11, 2013 3:30pm
Heretic's avatar

Heretic

Son of the Sun

18,820 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:35 PM
Depends on the co-worker.

If it's someone I get along with, I'd definitely talk to them.

With others (people I don't communicate with normally or people I dislike), it'd be more along the lines of me signing a card if someone passes one around and giving condolences if I'm around that person and it comes up. But I wouldn't make a point to start a conversation with them just to bring that up.
Nov 11, 2013 3:35pm
justincredible's avatar

justincredible

Nick Mangold

32,056 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:35 PM
There are only 5 people in our office and we all work in the same room. I'd have to go out of my way to NOT say something.
Nov 11, 2013 3:35pm
V

vball10set

paying it forward

24,795 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:39 PM
IMO, a simple condolence ("I'm sorry for your loss") is appropriate.
Nov 11, 2013 3:39pm
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:40 PM
vball10set;1533877 wrote:IMO, a simple condolence ("I'm sorry for your loss") is appropriate.
Agreed.
Nov 11, 2013 3:40pm
TedSheckler's avatar

TedSheckler

Emporium Entrepreneur

3,974 posts
Nov 11, 2013 3:40 PM
Prayers from here.

Victory in Jesus.
Nov 11, 2013 3:40pm
hasbeen's avatar

hasbeen

Excuse me, Flo?

6,504 posts
Nov 11, 2013 4:20 PM
If someone in my family died, I wouldn't tell anyone to not cause this issue. The last thing I need is people reminding me.
Nov 11, 2013 4:20pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Nov 11, 2013 4:23 PM
If someone close to me died, I'd feel that the only reason people would be talking to me (that don't normally do), is BECAUSE of the death, therefore making it charity.
Nov 11, 2013 4:23pm
Devils Advocate's avatar

Devils Advocate

Brudda o da bomber

4,539 posts
Nov 11, 2013 4:26 PM
I think you should always ask if they were saved.

If they say yes, say good.

If they say no, say that they will be going to hell with you.
Nov 11, 2013 4:26pm
F

friendfromlowry

Senior Member

6,239 posts
Nov 11, 2013 5:03 PM
I disagree with the "wouldn't want to be reminded of it." Did you temporarily forget that your family member died? And when someone brings it up, you're like "Oh yeah, shit, that did happen..."
I don't know what I would do, but I wouldn't be distraught if someone I didn't always talk to offered their condolences. At least I'd know they're considerate and thinking of me.
Nov 11, 2013 5:03pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Nov 11, 2013 5:04 PM
friendfromlowry;1533931 wrote:I disagree with the "wouldn't want to be reminded of it." Did you temporarily forget that your family member died? And when someone brings it up, you're like "Oh yeah, shit, that did happen..."
I don't know what I would do, but I wouldn't be distraught if someone I didn't always talk to offered their condolences. At least I'd know they're considerate and thinking of me.
I'm more cynical. I wouldn't always see it as them "thinking of me," rather thinking, "I guess I better go and be considerate."
Nov 11, 2013 5:04pm
S

steubbigred

Senior Member

1,392 posts
Nov 11, 2013 6:18 PM
ernest_t_bass;1533837 wrote:I've always wondered about this... When a co-worker has a family member die, do you go out of your way to say that you are sorry for their loss, if this is a co-worker with whom you rarely converse? Does the action of going out of your way to say this show that you're only saying this because you feel obligated? Do you not mention it to the person, b/c you know EVERYONE else is going out of their way to give their condolences?

What's the common protocol? I'm guessing that common protocol is to just say you're sorry for their loss, regardless.
If you don't have interaction with this person and barely know the person . Do not say anything . If you have interaction on a daily basis , when you see the person offer your condolances and leave it at that . If you are close to the person then I guess you will be at the funeral home and or funeral anyway. People who lose somebody don't need to be bothered extra by people they do not know hardly at all . Maybe a person in the place you work gets a card and everybody signs it and maybe leave a few bucks . That should help.
Nov 11, 2013 6:18pm