At what point do you draw the line with family

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pmoney25's avatar

pmoney25

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1,787 posts
May 10, 2013 8:16 PM
So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.

To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
May 10, 2013 8:16pm
said_aouita's avatar

said_aouita

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May 10, 2013 8:20 PM
Define hurt.
May 10, 2013 8:20pm
wildcats20's avatar

wildcats20

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27,794 posts
May 10, 2013 8:23 PM
Lending family money never turns out well.
May 10, 2013 8:23pm
pmoney25's avatar

pmoney25

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1,787 posts
May 10, 2013 8:30 PM
said_aouita;1441406 wrote:Define hurt.
I'm not really sure. I will say that my brother was heavily involved in heroin and other drugs about 4-5 years ago. He has been clean for about two years. He gets tested all the time from his PO. So I wouldn't doubt that he knows people who are at the bottom of the barrel.
May 10, 2013 8:30pm
Tigerfan00's avatar

Tigerfan00

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May 10, 2013 9:34 PM
The more you bail them out the more you enable this to keep happening.
May 10, 2013 9:34pm
GoChiefs's avatar

GoChiefs

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May 10, 2013 9:59 PM
wildcats20;1441407 wrote:Lending family money never turns out well.
This. Under almost any circumstances.
May 10, 2013 9:59pm
Ironman92's avatar

Ironman92

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May 10, 2013 10:00 PM
Yep....tough love
May 10, 2013 10:00pm
Enforcer's avatar

Enforcer

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May 10, 2013 10:31 PM
pmoney25;1441404 wrote:So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.

To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
If the roles were reversed would they help You out? If the answer is no then hell with em
May 10, 2013 10:31pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 10, 2013 10:38 PM
If they aren't able to live comfortably off the govt they're doing it wrong.

Bail them out but make clear this is the last time. Then make it the last time.
May 10, 2013 10:38pm
DeyDurkie5's avatar

DeyDurkie5

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11,324 posts
May 11, 2013 1:09 AM
Take whatever money you were going to spend on this guy and go on vacation. You'll be happy you did.
May 11, 2013 1:09am
se-alum's avatar

se-alum

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May 11, 2013 1:22 AM
wildcats20;1441407 wrote:Lending family money never turns out well.
False. I've loaned family members money on several occasions, and it's never been a problem. I've always got my money back. If your family is a bunch of deadbeats, maybe it's different.
May 11, 2013 1:22am
S

Shane Falco

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May 11, 2013 5:51 AM
Upper deck!! Duh!

Helped right??
May 11, 2013 5:51am
S

sportchampps

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7,361 posts
May 11, 2013 8:02 AM
Do not be an enabler
May 11, 2013 8:02am
SportsAndLady's avatar

SportsAndLady

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May 11, 2013 10:06 AM
Sooo what happened
May 11, 2013 10:06am
OSH's avatar

OSH

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4,145 posts
May 11, 2013 10:16 AM
I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...

If I were you, I wouldn't do anything for them unless I know ALL the information. Make it clear the expectations you have from them IF you help out. And put a timetable on it. Draw up a contract. Anything to "help" them get out of their problems and get them on a path of proper lifestyle (is what it seems it needs). I don't help out if there's as much vagueness as what they are giving. Too suspicious. I'm all about helping family out, but no way would I put my family (wife and kids) or I in danger because some of my other family got themselves in crap.
May 11, 2013 10:16am
GoChiefs's avatar

GoChiefs

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May 11, 2013 10:20 AM
OSH;1441528 wrote:I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...

I'm pretty sure most of the replies he recieved were serious? :confused:
May 11, 2013 10:20am
Dr. KnOiTaLL's avatar

Dr. KnOiTaLL

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May 11, 2013 12:29 PM
OSH;1441528 wrote:I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...

If I were you, I wouldn't do anything for them unless I know ALL the information. Make it clear the expectations you have from them IF you help out. And put a timetable on it. Draw up a contract. Anything to "help" them get out of their problems and get them on a path of proper lifestyle (is what it seems it needs). I don't help out if there's as much vagueness as what they are giving. Too suspicious. I'm all about helping family out, but no way would I put my family (wife and kids) or I in danger because some of my other family got themselves in crap.
Very well put IMO
May 11, 2013 12:29pm
T

Tiernan

Senior Member

13,021 posts
May 11, 2013 3:45 PM
I found out a long long time ago there is a huge difference between "Family" & "Relatives"...you are dealing here with "Relatives" my man and you don't owe these bottom feeders squat just becaues you happen to share some DNA.

"Family" on the other hand are individuals who have supported you in tough times and loved you unconditionally and expect nothing in return but appreciate it when you can reciprocate. "Family" doesn't neccessarily share DNA and more often than not have been friends with you since you were 12 yrs old.
May 11, 2013 3:45pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 11, 2013 4:12 PM
If he's been getting paid back then I don't really see the issue. I assumed - especially since he argues with his wife about it - that it's not really a loan but a gift. A loan to pay off another loan - I don't think you're seeing this money again.

Ultimately it's about what you can live with, and that includes your wife! I think if it were me and I hadn't already made it abundantly clear I was putting a stop to this, I'd make this LAST "loan" and then my conscious would be good.
May 11, 2013 4:12pm
S

Sonofanump

May 11, 2013 5:52 PM
sportchampps;1441511 wrote:Do not be an enabler
this
May 11, 2013 5:52pm
skank's avatar

skank

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6,543 posts
May 11, 2013 6:21 PM
pmoney25;1441404 wrote:So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.

To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.


To be fair, I never said I would, "hurt them", I said they, "wouldn't like what happened next."
May 11, 2013 6:21pm
Tigerfan00's avatar

Tigerfan00

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3,427 posts
May 11, 2013 7:18 PM
skank;1441623 wrote:To be fair, I never said I would, "hurt them", I said they, "wouldn't like what happened next."
Are you going to throw a football through one of their windows that was signed by the Massilion football team?
May 11, 2013 7:18pm
F

friendfromlowry

Senior Member

6,239 posts
May 11, 2013 8:05 PM
The idea that someone is possibly going to hurt them throws a wrench into all of it. It seems other posters have had similar stories, but usually their families/relatives are just morons and blow their money. If they were legitimately facing physical harm, I think (if you care about them) your first priority is to take care of that threat, then figure out the rest.
May 11, 2013 8:05pm
skank's avatar

skank

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6,543 posts
May 11, 2013 8:30 PM
Tigerfan00;1441636 wrote:Are you going to throw a football through one of their windows that was signed by the Massilion football team?


HELL NO, why would I lose a good football? Anyway, I don't have one signed by the Massilion Tigers....The MASSILLON Tigers on the other hand....
May 11, 2013 8:30pm
Belly35's avatar

Belly35

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May 12, 2013 7:30 AM
Tigerfan00;1441437 wrote:The more you bail them out the more you enable this to keep happening.
Winner
May 12, 2013 7:30am