...for your spouse? In other words, did she/he ever seriously consider taking up with someone other that you before the two of you married?

My wife and I dated for four and a half years before I proposed (I had to finish college and get a job first) – we married just four months later. We didn’t “go steady” until just before we got engaged – we lived in separate states (or time zones) or most of the time, and could only see each about once a month. Bear in mind this was in the pre-AIDS, pre-herpes era – it was fairly common to date more than one person at a time. With what’s out there today, I can understand why serial monogamy seems to be the dating pattern today.

Not married, but I think if I'd have to compete for her, she wouldnt be worth it.

Nope.

I never had to compete for my wife before we got married, but after 13 years my wife has decided that hanging with her - um - "recovering lesbian" buddy she met at our church is preferable to living up to her marriage vows.

But - hey - she assures me they're "just good friends, there's nothing sexual going on, and that she's taking all necessary precautions to avoid confusing our daughters."

Does that count?

believer;675899 wrote:I never had to compete for my wife before we got married, but after 13 years my wife has decided that hanging with her - um - "recovering lesbian" buddy she met at our church is preferable to living up to her marriage vows.

But - hey - she assures me they're "just good friends, there's nothing sexual going on, and that she's taking all necessary precautions to avoid confusing our daughters."

Does that count?

I really hope this is a true story.

-Society-;675948 wrote:I really hope this is a true story.

I really wish it weren't.

I was single when I met my wife, she was seperated. I didn't have to compete so much, just had to go through the divorce etc. with her.

i dated my wife from 6th grade on (breaking up for 2 months our sophomore year, during which time I date 2 other girls for about 2 weeks a piece). Got married after college, never looked back.

That's about 5 years dating, 2 months broken up, 5.5 years dating, 3.5 years of marriage. That's 14 of the 26 years of my life with 1 woman.

I never thought about how odd that was until just now. It's not like we planned it that way, it just worked out.

Not that anyone cares, but we were also baptized the same day in the same church, mine was at 11 am, hers was at 3 pm. The priest made a joke about it at our wedding.

I would think that dating is competing to a certain extent.When you are dating are you not trying to show the girl that you are the best thing she has going and she would not find anyone as good as you to spend time with and she don't need anyone else?

No competing here. Wife fell for me, the minute she seen me.

coyotes22;676088 wrote:No competing here. Wife fell for me, the minute she seen me.

You must be very special.

I took my wife out on our first date, to a buddy's wedding -- not a good choice for a first date, but it worked...I guess.

She was dating someone for 2+ years at the time, she ended up ditching him that night. I went skiing with her and her family a couple weeks later and we've been together ever since.

Needless to say, her ex is still a creeper sometimes.

As my professor used to say, "It don't mean a thing if she ain't got a ring."

believer;675899 wrote:I never had to compete for my wife before we got married, but after 13 years my wife has decided that hanging with her - um - "recovering lesbian" buddy she met at our church is preferable to living up to her marriage vows.

But - hey - she assures me they're "just good friends, there's nothing sexual going on, and that she's taking all necessary precautions to avoid confusing our daughters."

Does that count?

Damn. Is she staying there instead of at your house?

Yes.

When we met, she had just gotten kicked out of her fiance's house. They were together since she was a freshmen in highschool (he was a senior) and got engaged her senior year. Two years later, she found out he was cheating on her. About 6 months later, we met online and started talking. At the same time, she was talking to 3 other guys.

1. She had NEVER dated anyone her own age (He ex was 4 years older), so I had to prove to her that I wasn't an immature 21 year old.
2. The other 3 guys she met for dates online just wanted to have sex, so I had to prove to her that I was a good guy and wasn't just trying to get into her panties.
3. She's from Michigan, and I was going to school in BG, so we had to prove to ourselves that a long distance relationship would work.

After we had dated for about 6 months, she broke up with me because I didn't "know the value of a dollar." She went to community college and worked to pay her way through school and graduated early as a nurse. I was finishing up my degree and still sucking on the parental tit. So, I guess she was teaching me a lesson. She went on a few dates but came back to me about 2 months later because she realized that she was the happiest with me and all of that other good stuff. I proposed a month later, and here we are.

I didn't have to compete so much as I had to prove to her that I was a good, quality, guy that would treat her right. It sounds kind of bad putting it out there like that, but it really isn't/wasn't.

The juice has to be worth the squeeze. In MOST cases, if you didn't have to/want to compete for someone, is it the right person?

password;676298 wrote:You must be very special.

He is DEFINITELY special!

O-Trap;676314 wrote:Damn. Is she staying there instead of at your house?

She found a place of her own within walking distance of her "just friends" house. According to my daughters her friend allegedly sleeps at her own place at night but hangs out 18 hours a day, 7 days a week at my wife's place.

But my wife still takes the girls to church on Sundays. So I suppose everything's cool...right?

After all Jesus hung out with the sinners and the lepers. I think my wife sees this as her new "ministry."

Ya can't make this stuff up, O-trap.

Cat Food Flambe';675787 wrote:...for your spouse? In other words, did she/he ever seriously consider taking up with someone other that you before the two of you married?

...

I would never "compete" for someone. That's ridiculous. Be yourself. Let her know who you are. It's either compatible or it isn't.

I hope my wife considered many people as a spouse and determined what was best for her.

nope

Con_Alma;676417 wrote:I would never "compete" for someone. That's ridiculous. Be yourself. Let her know who you are. It's either compatible or it isn't.

I hope my wife considered many people as a spouse and determined what was best for her.

This. The ones that need to look at multiple people and think they are worth being competed for are not worth the time.

Not necessarily compete per se, but my wife nitially rejected my offer to go out. We were co-workers and she did not want to dip into the company ink (I guess in her case it was she did not want the pen dipped into her ink). I continue to pursue her and a few weeks later she went out with me. We hit it off right away and have been together for nine years now (five of them married).

believer;676404 wrote:She found a place of her own within walking distance of her "just friends" house. According to my daughters her friend allegedly sleeps at her own place at night but hangs out 18 hours a day, 7 days a week at my wife's place.

But my wife still takes the girls to church on Sundays. So I suppose everything's cool...right?

After all Jesus hung out with the sinners and the lepers. I think my wife sees this as her new "ministry."

Ya can't make this stuff up, O-trap.

Sweet Moses ... SMH.

I love that whole "Jesus hung out with sinners" discussion. He did, no doubt, but he also instructed husbands and wives. One was something he did (and is thus, a good thing to do under the same circumstances). The other was something he commanded.

Your wife is being very choosy about what Scriptures she's using, and I think it's because she knows that what she's doing is ... quite frankly ... shit. Do you think she would care, though?

It just crushes me to hear about situations like this. If you ever need to vent or you want to pick someone's brain about it, feel free to PM.

Con_Alma;676417 wrote:I would never "compete" for someone. That's ridiculous. Be yourself. Let her know who you are. It's either compatible or it isn't.

I hope my wife considered many people as a spouse and determined what was best for her.

I agree with this.

I didn't have to compete. We were a drunken one night stand, that ended up staying for over 11 years now.

I should have been more clear. If my love interest had deliberately played me off against another suitor, I would have definitely dropped the whole thing and walked away. Playing with someone's emotions is not forgivable. What Con Alma stated was more the point.

Although we both dated other people for several years due to the long-distance (like, different time zones), my wife floored me a few years after we got married by telling me she almost called the whole thing off about after about two years of dating in favor of an airline first officer who worked for the same airline as she.