I guess I'll swing at this one. It'll ruin my political career though
So my senior year of HS (we were both 18 it's all good haha) the lady friend and I were smashing in her livingroom (why not?) and all the sudden her dad comes home from work early and comes through the front door. I, being rather agile, was able to literally bolt down the hallway into the bathroom before he could even open the door. So I'm chilling in the bathroom with my pants in my hand and condom still on just thinking "...so is this the appropriate time to jump out the window and flee?" But just then I hear the dog being let out to go to the bathroom and someone in the kitchen drop the mail and some keys. So I'm sorta thinking maybe it was her mom and had some grocery bags or something and took awhile to actually open the door and didn't notice. I figured if it were her dad (who coached HS football and was rather authoritarian) I'd already be dead. So I just sorta play it cool and flush the condom down the toilet and open the door. So the ladyfriend is standing there (by now I've put my pants on, for those of you keeping track), and just says that her dad is in the livingroom waiting to talk to us. So we slowly walk in there and her dad is just standing there watching television, I simply stand by the doorway thinking of the quickest exit out of the house because I'm rather convinced he's about to come after me for nailing his only daughter.
Instead he just puts the remote down and looks and us and goes "Yeah. I was 18 too once. Hell mom was 18 too and even your mom, sjmvsfscs08, was 18 too once. And when I was your age, I did all kinds of stuff. Now, I was never dumb enough to get caught and why you were having sex in my livingroom is beyond me. But it's okay. Just...keep it to the bedroom please. And sjmv I won't tell your mom (a strict Catholic) and I won't tell the wife. Go on and have your fun, this is one phase before college and before you two tie the knock so it's all good with me."
By this point I'm trying not to laugh. So the ladyfriend and her dad go change their clothes and I sit down to tie my shoes before the ladyfriend and I left, and then her dad walks out in biker shorts, huge bulge and all, and stands next to me (the whole penis-at-same-level-as-eyes), pats me on the back and says, "you know sjmv, that is my daughter. Don't think I don't know that." I sorta went "ha yeahhh" and then we left.
