LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."

Faber's sock drawer is home to a number of illicit magazines he has secretly accepted from street preachers.

According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

"Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

"No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Oral Roberts University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."

Onion, right? I lol'd throughout it.

God created people the ability to be gay, that's all that needs to be said.

sleeper wrote: God created people the ability to be gay, that's all that needs to be said.

And you can take that to the bank.

Did I just read sleeper say, "God created ...?"

ccrunner609 wrote:

He's a member of his school's swing choir

Varsity or JV?

He better not have a letter jacket with a swing choir letter!

What the hell is a swing choir?

Awesome !!!

Heretic wrote: Onion, right? I lol'd throughout it.

Yup.

pmoney25 wrote:

ccrunner609 wrote:

He's a member of his school's swing choir

Varsity or JV?

He better not have a letter jacket with a swing choir letter!

Hahahaha.

my thoughts on gays/lesbians;

I really dont care, but, don't try to force your beliefs onto me. I really dont care of you're gay/lesbian/bi or whatever.

O-Trap wrote: Did I just read sleeper say, "God created ...?"

I think that's the first time I've ever seen Sleeper betray his on-line persona...

So the question really should be...are you born Christian or is it a choice? All the thread space we've wasted arguing it the other way around on here...

rookie_j70 wrote: my thoughts on gays/lesbians;

I really dont care, but, don't try to force your beliefs onto me. I really dont care of you're gay/lesbian/bi or whatever.

Exactly! I have said this before also. If someone wants to live that lifestyle, that's on them. But I dislike it when they try to force others into as well.

Nah, it's not a betrayal. Look at the Haiti thread where he responded to a "pray to god for them" post with a "why, he made the earthquake" post, saying that if god exists, he made the earthquake, so why would you pray to the guy who caused the horrible thing to happen?

So by saying that god created homosexuality (which is considered a sin by the more religious folks), he's taking a similar jab at the hardcore god-squaders.

Which, overall, is a stance I agree with, which makes it better.

ccrunner609 wrote:

Apple wrote: What the hell is a swing choir?

Ask Ernest T......he was probably on one.

Zing!

mallymal614 wrote:

rookie_j70 wrote: my thoughts on gays/lesbians;

I really dont care, but, don't try to force your beliefs onto me. I really dont care of you're gay/lesbian/bi or whatever.

Exactly! I have said this before also. If someone wants to live that lifestyle, that's on them. But I dislike it when they try to force others into as well.

I dont understand the force others into it thing. I've never had a homosexual end up on my doorstep trying to convert me, nor have i ever found a small comic trying to get me to convert tucked into a conspicuous place.

Christians on the other hand....

How exactly do gay people try to force their lifestyle on others?

I had some gays come by my house like Jehovah witnesses trying to turn me gay. They gave some flyer disguised as a sports almanac but when you opened it, all gay pictures.

Damn them for trying to force their lifestyle on me. I am still debating by the way. Seems like a lot of fun!

That was freakin' hilarious!

cbus4life wrote: How exactly do gay people try to force their lifestyle on others?

Naturally, we don't see this.

However, I could see a case made that might show that some people who accept the gay or lesbian lifestyle as an amoral decision can be just as belligerent toward those who disagree with their views.

I fall into the camp that believes such a lifestyle should be completely legal, and that marriages (legal unions) should then be recognized. However, I also hold the personal conviction that said lifestyle is immoral.

I must say that I've indeed been in situations where I've been antagonized and/or had the opposing view in each case forced down my throat by those who disagreed, despite the fact that I'd only voiced my view when asked about it, and the fact that I have no control over my own personal conviction.

How I feel such a subject should be treated is not something I can help, and yet I've had the opposing view shoved down my throat anyway.

Oh the edgyness of Sleeper! Everyone, bask at the edgyness!