From my dad:

"keep your words soft & sweet, because you might have to eat them"
"if don't stir up any shit, you won't get any on you"

The best part of you ran down your mommas leg.

My college roomate's uncle said this gem that stuck with me:

"Like a monkey fucking a skunk, I've had enough."

"Believe half of what you see and nothing that you hear."

"True friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies"

"Being right too soon is socially unacceptable " Robert Heinlein

"Sex without love is nearly exercise" Robert Heinlein

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" Einstein

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, Only true friends leave footprints" Eleanor Roosevelt

"When I die I want to buried face down, that way all the critics can kiss my ass" Robert Knight

"Suspect everyone trust no one"

I believe that everything happens for reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate the when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually you trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."


"You are a smelly pirate hooker."

When a reporter asked Woody ...

Why did you go for 2 points after that touchdown ... Woody said ... cause I couldn't go for three.

"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt" Mark Twain

"who gun guar me du?"

"Don't be too open minded, your brains will fall out" - Granny

"Come'ere so I can beat your ass!" - Mom, back in the day

What has two thumbs and doesnt give a shit? Point both thumbs back at self and proclaim, "ME!"

"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."--Napoleon

"If God were small enough to be understood, he would not be great enough to be worshiped."--Evelyn Underhill

"Who wants to argue color with the blinded?
For people by and large, just given a word,
Believes there needs must be some sense behind it."--Goethe

You cant be shit on if you ain't kissin ass......

As I slide down the banister of life, you are bound to hit a few splinters......

for the toast at a wedding I was the Best Man in:

Apart you are nothing,together you are something,as one you are everything...and I was wasted when I made it up,and had to hurry and write it down 'cause I knew I would forget it!!!

"it works 60% of the time, everytime"


"fear: the emotion you feel when I step onto the field"

"Where ever you go, there you are." - Mike Brady

My uncle to me when my wife was expecting our first child. -

"If you have a boy, you have one dick to worry about. If you have a girl, you have everybody's dick to worry about."

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
~Winston Churchill


Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
~Winston Churchill


What you do stands above you and shouts so loudly, I can't hear what you're saying
~Emerson

"When in danger or in doubt; run in circles, scream and shout." - Unknown

"All I want in life is to be happy."

"Remember, no man is poor who has friends."

"Though my soul my set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light,
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Sarah Williams

"It is better to light a lamp than to curse the darkness."

"I like your Christ. I do not like your christians. Your christians are so unlike your Christ." - Gandhi

"Arguing about whose religion is right is like arguing who has the best imaginary friend." - Unknown

Sykotyk

If you hit rock bottom at least you know your on solid ground.

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper... The closer to the end you get, the faster it goes."

"No good deed goes unpunished"

"If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt hopping!"
(No idea what that one means, but it's so off the wall, it will shut anyone up!)

From my days as a bouncer - Start no shit & there will be no shit!

"I coulda been a Rhodes Scholar, if it wasn't for my grades"

"Praying before games works best when you have better players"

"facts are facts" ... "stats dont lie" .... "bitches are stupid , thats why they get played"

From the movie The Rookie there is a quote i really like. 'its ok to think about what you wanna do until its time to start doing what you were meant to do'

From "The Color of Money" - Paul Newman (aka Fast Eddie Felson....) "Money won... is twice as sweet as money earned"

“The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight” - bumper sticker