I'm not posting this in the other forums because I don't want to hear from a bunch of idiots. At least in here I only hear from a few


Do you guys keep a list of your "conquests"? I'm not talking a mental list, but an actual list written down somewhere?

no. mental list only. which is why i cant remember half of them

I neglected to include the other question, which is would you think it's weird if someone does keep a written list.

Probably more sad than weird. "I'M A MAN'S MAN AND HERE'S PROOF!!!! I FUCKED ALL THESE CHICKS WHOSE NAMES ARE IN THIS NOTEBOOK!!! NO I'M NOT TRYING TO COMPENSATE FOR SOMETHING!!!!"

Oh...and yes to the first question.

Nope, that its pretty sad.

Nope, that would require knowing their names.

Yes, it would be weird for someone to do that.

No, but probably because six people would be a pathetic list. Why the fuck did I marry so young?!

A list of one is really easy to remember.

Well fuck. You guys were supposed to tell me it's normal. Since you didn't, now you get to hear me vent. I'll even be gracious enough to listen to suggestions because I have no fucking clue what to do any more.


This is the 2nd time I've found such a list. The first time was so extensive it had pictures and even some details about what went on. The real kicker on that one was that my name was not the last one (no comments on the staying after the cheating. That was my choice and I absolutely do not regret it) which resulted in a huge blow up. I basically laid it out that for me, the relationship was one I wanted to result in marriage/kids.

We're through the kid part, and marriage is nowhere in sight. He was married previously (right out of HS when he joined the military) and his ex-wife, from what I can tell, is a lazy waste of flesh. I'm sure it didn't help that they got married so young as I am definitely not the same person I was at 18-19. The end result of this is that he has now decided (or hell, maybe that was the whole time and he just lied) that we don't need to get married. In all honesty, I'm ok with not being married other than the fact that he still "hangs on" to these old relationships (not to mention the whole cheating history thing) makes me feel so disposable, for lack of a better term.

Fast forward to now...I have been laid off for 2 weeks while he continues to work. In the year I've lived here, I have not paid rent. I pay a few bills, and take care of food/household items, as well as my own bills. That by itself has been enough to make me feel lower than low. Today, his work notebook was on the desk so I opened it to put a note it that he would find tomorrow night while he was working. It's not unusual for me to do that, but this time I happened to see the inside cover where he keeps all his important information. There is a list of the initials of all girls he's been with, including the ones who've just given a bj.

The good news is that there were no surprises on the list this time. The bad news is that it piqued my curiosity, and further investigation shows he's been crunching the numbers to see if he can pay all his bills and child support.

It's an on-going "joke" for him to say I'm just staying here until I get back on my feet and things like that. Of course, now I look back and during the cheating time we were always joking about his other girlfriend.

Not only do I think the whole list thing is super skeevy, it's obviously very upsetting for me to discover all that when that is not at all where I feel we are. There's a part of me that just wants to pack up bags for me and the kid while he's working out and leave, but of course the other stupid part thinks I'm wrong and there's a different explanation. Then, of course, I have to worry about where I'd even go anyway. I'm always welcome to go back to stay with my parents, but that small town life is pretty much my own hell. It's also 2.5 hours from where we live, and I refuse to be the bitchy mom who puts her kid in the middle because she and baby daddy can't get along.

I know I need to just man up and call him on it, but every time it gets turned on me. I'm the one "snooping", etc. I just hate it, and he's so cold when we're fighting. I never thought I'd have to feel any worse than I already do from being unemployed, but boy was I wrong.


And I apologize for flying my personal business out there. I dislike doing it, but I just have to lay it out somewhere so I can think about it rationally.

Honestly, I am a little on the skanky side, but I have never kept a list or anything like what you described....that is completely fucked up. You should definitely call him out on it even if he does play the "snooping" card. If you are in a committed relationship even if it isn't marriage...he should let his past go.

The best advice I can give is to kick his ass, Seabass. Yeah, you technically had to "snoop" to find out, but tough shit for him. Your intentions weren't to snoop on him, it just so happened to lead to that.

You've had this discussion with him once before, and it obviously didn't do any good. So who's to say that a second time is going to change anything? What he's doing is shady. Why the hell would you keep a list???? I mean, especially when you are with someone and you have a child with that person. If he complains about you're 'snooping', oh well, as Justin said, you weren't intentionally snooping. Even if you were, who cares? He shouldn't have to hide anything from you. If he's hiding it from you, then he knows it's wrong to begin with. Since you're unemployed, that will probably only empower him further in his head, thinking you won't go anywhere or leave him since you aren't working and have nowhere else to go. IMO, it might be time to wash your hands with him and move on.

I don't keep a list... every once in a while I'll think back about the more memorable ones... but there is no reason for a written list.

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament.

Well...I left. I can't say I'm happy about it, but the final straw was when I looked back at the notebook to just get a feel for how I wanted to bring it up. I noticed the number of the girl he cheated with written there among all the other important numbers. FWIW, I called her and they haven't talked since the last time I knew about. She also didn't know he had a kid now, so I think I kind of ruined that for him...whoops. I'm not proud to say that it was then promptly tossed at his head while he was in bed, but I'm tired of sharing. It's been 2.5 years and I sure as hell don't deserve that. He tried to tell me I wasn't taking my child with me, but that didn't work out so well for him. Of course, according to him now I'm just trying to keep her away from him. I told him it's not my fault I have absolutely nowhere else I can go other than my parents' house which happen to be that far.

I don't think it's unreasonable of me to demand that a committed relationship not have a backup plan like that (which is why he told me it was in there, after he first told me he didn't know why it was in there and that it was an old notebook) I told him I think it's bullshit that he tries to tell me we don't need to get married because he had a bad experience when really he just wants to have the easy out.


Through all the bullshit, it hasn't even crossed my mind to cheat. I just don't understand at all how we can be in such different places. This whole situation sucks beyond belief, and I can't even wrap my mind around what I'm going to do next. I do feel awful that Mia doesn't get to see her dad, but I guess that was his choice. I didn't even get a sorry out of it. Whatever, dude.

Yeah, the whole situation sucks, but you made the right decision. Now be prepared for the custody stuff....good luck.

Sorry to hear about the mess sej, but I agree, you did the right thing.

Do you have any work connections in Cincinnati still?

justincredible;846773 wrote:Do you have any work connections in Cincinnati still?

Not really, but I think I'm going to open up my search to include Cincy. My aunt lives in NKY and has offered to let us stay there until we figure something out if needed. I'm hesitant because I know if I'm recalled it will be up here in Dayton, but I soooo miss living down there.



As for the custody, so far he hasn't even called/texted to check on her. I've been nice enough to send him a couple pictures but haven't heard a peep.

btw...obviously....you should do his best friend.

Just so happens, ccrunner is his best friend.

se-alum;847579 wrote:Just so happens, ccrunner is his best friend.

Oh vom. I did LOL though. I'm going to go surf serious business so I can laugh at people. I need a break from ass kicking life is handing me.

Best of luck SEJ

Good luck to you sej. Sucks that things like this happen to good people like yourself.

Any guy with a dick can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father.

LJ;848097 wrote:Any guy with a dick can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father.

Impotent guys can't.