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Is a lack of sex grounds for ending a marriage?

Home ▸ Archive ▸ Serious Business ▸ Is a lack of sex grounds for ending a marriage?
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
May 22, 2011 7:43 PM
We found out this weekend that the woman who was my wife’s maid-of-honor is divorcing her husband of almost 30 years. They had other issues (no affairs or alcohol/drug problems, just a case of "empty nest" adjustment), but she told my wife that the reason she gave up on trying to fix things was his refusal to ..well…perform his “husbandly duties” for the last year, and that this was not something she was going to live without.

Both of them were good friends from our college days - we were certainly surprised. The woman is very attractive for her early fifties – while I know everyone has a dark side, she really doesn’t seem to be one of those “behind the scenes witches” (we all know a few of them). From the sounds coming from the guest room whenever they'd visit, I don't think sex was a problem for them until recently, either (for the record, she is a moaner).

Her husband never complained of any problems, and seemed to be his regular self when they came up for our daughter’s wedding last fall.

I still it hard to believe that the guy wouldn’t touch his wife for over a year. Is that justification for ending a marriage?

Let’s get this out of the way…inviting her over for a threesome is right out – and I’m NOT going to try and do her myself. She and my wife have no secrets between them, and I want to live to see another birthday. 
May 22, 2011 7:43pm
G

Gardens35

Senior Member

4,929 posts
May 22, 2011 7:50 PM
Cat Food Flambe';776938 wrote:....

I still it hard to believe that the guy wouldn’t touch his wife for over a year.

Eventually she'll blame Muggsy.
May 22, 2011 7:50pm
I

I Wear Pants

Senior Member

16,223 posts
May 22, 2011 7:55 PM
He's gay.
May 22, 2011 7:55pm
LJ's avatar

LJ

Senior Member

16,351 posts
May 22, 2011 7:58 PM
maybe she wasn't doing her part to try to spice things up?
May 22, 2011 7:58pm
DeyDurkie5's avatar

DeyDurkie5

Senior Member

11,324 posts
May 22, 2011 7:59 PM
maybe she just won't take it in the butt?
May 22, 2011 7:59pm
Tobias Fünke's avatar

Tobias Fünke

formerly "sjmvsfscs08"

2,387 posts
May 22, 2011 8:21 PM
these have all been terrific responses haha
May 22, 2011 8:21pm
Curly J's avatar

Curly J

Self Pwner in Training.

7,282 posts
May 22, 2011 10:21 PM
It would be for me...just sayin'
May 22, 2011 10:21pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 22, 2011 10:30 PM
Wife has to do a little work.
May 22, 2011 10:30pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

Senior Member

4,288 posts
May 22, 2011 10:39 PM
ED??
May 22, 2011 10:39pm
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
May 22, 2011 10:40 PM
How much weight has she gained?
May 22, 2011 10:40pm
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
May 22, 2011 10:45 PM
Almost none - she's in her early fifties, and is frankly a very attractive woman.
May 22, 2011 10:45pm
sherm03's avatar

sherm03

I go balls deep.

7,349 posts
May 22, 2011 10:52 PM
It would be a deal breaker for me.

I actually applaud her for calling it quits and not staying in a marriage while she goes out and gets it from someone else behind the dude's back.
May 22, 2011 10:52pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

Senior Member

4,288 posts
May 22, 2011 11:03 PM
To answer the original question, I do believe a lack of sex is grounds for divorce. Other than the obvious, I see no difference in abstaining from sex with your spouse and infidelity. In both scenarios you are cheating your spouse. The person who is with holding sex is putting themselves in a dominant position over the other.

I think in this scenario the wife needs to have a serious discussion with her spouse to see what the issue at hand is. Is it due to a lack of interest? A change in sexual preferences? Health reasons?? I think after 30 years she is entitled to that. From there the couple needs to figure out what action needs to take place to rectify the situation. Maybe he is just waiting on her to make the first move??
May 22, 2011 11:03pm
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
May 22, 2011 11:35 PM
Maybe after all these years she final realized he simply isn't throwing it to her right. You gotta keep current on your skills.
May 22, 2011 11:35pm
G

gut

Senior Member

15,058 posts
May 22, 2011 11:42 PM
Take away his porn. Problem solved...
May 22, 2011 11:42pm
O-Trap's avatar

O-Trap

Chief Shenanigans Officer

14,994 posts
May 22, 2011 11:52 PM
All she's gotta do is let him PIIHB. Problem solved.
May 22, 2011 11:52pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 22, 2011 11:56 PM
gut;777170 wrote:Take away his porn. Problem solved...

This might be a good answer.
May 22, 2011 11:56pm
tk421's avatar

tk421

Senior Member

8,500 posts
May 23, 2011 12:12 AM
How come whenever someone in a marriage stops having sex, whether the husband or wife, it's always the husband's fault either way?
May 23, 2011 12:12am
tcarrier32's avatar

tcarrier32

Senior Member

1,497 posts
May 23, 2011 12:16 AM
Tobias Fünke;776967 wrote:these have all been terrific responses haha

this was my reaction, of the first 10 or so that responded, none had anything other than a joke to crack. hahah
May 23, 2011 12:16am
password's avatar

password

Senior Member

2,360 posts
May 23, 2011 12:27 AM
If she is ready to file for a divorce without asking him what is wrong and not trying to fix the problem, she is already cheating on him or they have a lot of other major problems that she is not telling you about. She could be all sweet and nice outside the home while in public, then be a real bitch and a total asshole behind closed doors.
May 23, 2011 12:27am
dwccrew's avatar

dwccrew

Not Banned

7,817 posts
May 23, 2011 12:45 AM
Without sex your relationship just becomes a friendship. Divorce time (if counseling and all other possibilities have been attempted).
May 23, 2011 12:45am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
May 23, 2011 6:36 AM
Issues surrounding sex and/or money are the leading causes of divorce. Both require good communication skills over the life of the marriage to keep each person in sync with the other.
May 23, 2011 6:36am
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
May 23, 2011 7:50 AM
Little Danny;777146 wrote:To answer the original question, I do believe a lack of sex is grounds for divorce. Other than the obvious, I see no difference in abstaining from sex with your spouse and infidelity. In both scenarios you are cheating your spouse. The person who is with holding sex is putting themselves in a dominant position over the other.

I think in this scenario the wife needs to have a serious discussion with her spouse to see what the issue at hand is. Is it due to a lack of interest? A change in sexual preferences? Health reasons?? I think after 30 years she is entitled to that. From there the couple needs to figure out what action needs to take place to rectify the situation. Maybe he is just waiting on her to make the first move??

Even before the concept of "no fault" divorce became popular, wasn't this a common law situation - that is, grounds for divorce was failure to provide marital services.

At any rate, sounds like the guy has a major issue - the key is honesty. Be honest with your spouse, for whatever reason. Sounds like he isn't.
May 23, 2011 7:50am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 23, 2011 7:56 AM
I blame Bush. (Pun intended)
May 23, 2011 7:56am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
May 23, 2011 9:20 AM
[video=youtube;pjkLf_X88WM][/video]
May 23, 2011 9:20am