These are killing me!

My favorite so far:
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

sherm03;696300 wrote:These are killing me!

My favorite so far:
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Your entire set is an anti-joke.

Boom. Society'd!

justincredible;696303 wrote:Your entire set is an anti-joke.

Boom. Society'd!

Well played.

Speaking of...come to the Funny Bone next Thursday.

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

some of these are really good

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

I sometimes tell these in a class when the professor makes us do the "tell about yourself thing". Usually there's like one person that understands what I'm doing and laughs.

I Wear Pants;696344 wrote:I sometimes tell these in a class when the professor makes us do the "tell about yourself thing". Usually there's like one person that understands what I'm doing and laughs.

Reminds me of this scene from The Office:

[video]http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=174247&eref=sharethisUrl[/video]

what did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute?

My illness prevents me from achieving erection.

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?

They were my friends.

lol

There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.