Perhaps I'm a bit selfish... I'll admit that. But did the thought of getting married not scare you at all? The thought of someone else being able to have such an influence over your own life as far as decision making, money disbursement… all the fun stuff that comes with marriage. Having someone who can nix your plans of something you want to do. It's like having another mom all over again. I saw how my father lived... He loved golf just as much as I do. Then he sent us to private schools and that all stopped. Golf leagues, pool leagues, bowling leagues...all stopped. He literally had no fun anymore. All his time and money was directed towards our lives then.

This thought didnt terrify any of you guys? Cuz it scares the shit outta me. Wanting to do something and knowing you might not be allowed to cuz ur wife has some other plans for you or the money needs to be spent elsewhere. That's a man made prison.

Yes.

It scared the absolute bejeezus out of me.

I worried and worried about being caught in one of those marriages where my individual liberties and small things I enjoyed would be slowly stripped away over time. I worried that I would turn out like I have seen sooo many men over the years where they were put on lock down and even the most simplest of purchase he wanted to make was scrutinized to the umteenth degree yet the wife purchases were not allowed to be questioned.

I was dead wrong.

Those liberties and small things I enjoyed were not slowly stripped away over time.

...They were pretty much immediate.

If you marry the right person those things shouldn't and won't happen. Obviously things will change as far as decision making goes...but to say that all of your freedom and fun will disappear seems a little dramatic. If you make choices that limit your funds and sacrifices have to be made it is (or should be) a joint decision...not your wife telling you what you have to give up.

Fab4Runner;663236 wrote:If you marry the right person those things shouldn't and won't happen. Obviously things will change as far as decision making goes...but to say that all of your freedom and fun will disappear seems a little dramatic. If you make choices that limit your funds and sacrifices have to be made it is (or should be) a joint decision...not your wife telling you what you have to give up.

Easy to say, yet very difficult to actually accomplish.

All can seem absolutely perfect beforehand.....and things for many change VERY quickly.

I wasn't too worried about it --- dated my wife for 6 years (age 16 to 22) and have been married for 2 years.

We knew each other very well, obviously, and since we were young, it made it a lot easier.....No hidden credit card debt from college, no crazy past history that we didn't know about, etc.

I would say that some things that I used to do have gone away, but because they pretty much had to, not because my wife made me...These changes have been more due to our baby than the marriage itself (have a 6 mo. old).

I used to play poker once a week, and play video games 1-2 hours pretty much every day or night.....I'd sometimes stay up 4-5 hours and play games (been doing this my whole life).

I play in softball leagues, poker occasionally now, and play video games 1-2 nights per week.....Life is busy, and the more kids we have, naturally the less time I will have for personal hobbies, but it's something that I expect and isn't going to catch me off guard or anything.

Zwick, I honestly wasn't scared at all. I think you have to have a plan going into marriage, and that plan will tweak along the way. There was a time when I was a 9 handicap (BC- before children), and when they were small I didn't play a whole lot, but you stay so busy with the kids it's not like I missed it that much. Now the kids are in college and beyond, and unless there is an event going on in the summer, she naturally figures I am going golfing at some point in the day if I am off. Now I don't go everyday, but it is rare that I don't, and on those days I usually range for and hour or so. Handicap now age at 49 is a ~12, thank goodness for new technology.

One thing that has come out of this, my 20 year old is a heck of a golfer now. I introduced them at a young age, had them hitting from the "kids tees" aka the 150 yard markers when they were little and finishing the hole, and now I have a really good golf buddy when he is home. (one thing I would do different is to not let them play on a putt putt course too often, as they don't develop distance control because of the walls-whoops) BTW-maybe with the private schools he was financially planning and cut out the activities. Maybe he was thinking "If I can't be as good as I once was, I don't want to do it". Sadly, this is the trap my dad fell into in his late 60's. I told him so what if you shoot a 48 for 9 holes, at least you are out exercising and socializing and having fun. He could not manage that, as all his life he was used to shooting 39-45 on his local 9 hole course. He was so ashamed that he could not consistently break bogey golf that he gave up the game, and his health suffered.

The Voice "yet the wife purchases were not allowed to be questioned.", although this isn't officially in the vows, you can question them, as it may be in your best financial interest, it may not be in your best overall interest. You need to communicate more, figure out what she needs, and get it for her (you were going to pay for it anyway). Then you will be back in good graces. If you run out of money, at least she'll be happy. Some people, not just women, have no concept of budgeting and accounting.

thavoice;663246 wrote:Easy to say, yet very difficult to actually accomplish.

All can seem absolutely perfect beforehand.....and things for many change VERY quickly.

I am sure that does happen. But when I look at the marriages around me it hasn't happened. My mom doesn't make my stepdad give up things and he doesn't do that to her either. Same with my brother and sister-in-law, friends, etc. If you get married and especially if you have kids obviously things will change to a certain degree...but for a woman to actually force a man to quit things...I don't see it around me.

Fab4Runner;663258 wrote:I am sure that does happen. But when I look at the marriages around me it hasn't happened. My mom doesn't make my stepdad give up things and he doesn't do that to her either. Same with my brother and sister-in-law, friends, etc. If you get married and especially if you have kids obviously things will change to a certain degree...but for a woman to actually force a man to quit things...I don't see it around me.

That is great to hear, and I bet those men are very, very happy.

I am just trying to let zwick know that it does indeed happen to some like he described it about his dad even when every single sign before the marriage pointed in the other direction.

Like McFly my wife and I dated from young ages and were best freinds before we dated so we knew all about each other. The things I gave up were minimal and not that big of a deal. Like video games-Ill play when my son and daughter go to bed for a 1/2 hour just bc I cant play like I used too. I used to play bball all the time but the L's around here have since dried up and now I coach. So its not like I have to give up I just had to grow up. I would rather give up a lifetime of "freedom" just to spend the day hanging with my wife and kids and I don't regret the choices I made.

You know when you've found the right person when you stop looking at those things as 'giving them up' and look at it as sharing your life with someone.

power i;663303 wrote:You know when you've found the right person when you stop looking at those things as 'giving them up' and look at it as sharing your life with someone.

/end thread

I'm much more terrified of spending my life unmarried than I am married.

power i;663303 wrote:You know when you've found the right person when you stop looking at those things as 'giving them up' and look at it as sharing your life with someone.

Exactly. Life definitely changed after getting married, but in a good way. It's like knowing that when you finish college and get a job, you'll have to be somewhere from 9 to 5 (or more) each day and lose a lot of freedom. But that doesn't mean you want to be a student forever--the benefits of graduating and getting a job far outweigh the "freedoms" of being a student. It's just very different.

Getting married is another milestone where your life changes. You develop new hobbies and enjoy things together (though it's certainly normal/healthy for married people to have individual hobbies, too).

Tobias Fünke;663324 wrote:/end thread

I'm much more terrified of spending my life unmarried than I am married.

Most people seem to know someone who has ridiculously high standards and is afraid to commit. That may be cool when they're 28 and playing the field, but when they're 45 and still single, with no kids, and all their friends are married and have families . . . it starts not looking so cool anymore.

i'm still selfish. if anything it should have scared her.

The "man made prison" line made me think of this.

[video=youtube;suAhGfVr_4U][/video]

Great Clip.

power i;663303 wrote:You know when you've found the right person when you stop looking at those things as 'giving them up' and look at it as sharing your life with someone.

I agree. Marriage is not about what your willing to or what your worried about having to give up but what your willing to share. If it scares you then your probaly not ready for the commitment.

power i;663303 wrote:You know when you've found the right person when you stop looking at those things as 'giving them up' and look at it as sharing your life with someone.

Agreed. Luckily my wife lets me do my own thing. I always run stuff past her and more often than not she replies with a "wtf are you asking me for? I don't care."

justincredible;663409 wrote:Agreed. Luckily my wife lets me do my own thing. I always run stuff past her and more often than not she replies with a "wtf are you asking me for? I don't care."

Even when you asked her about starting this site? Now she is probably sayin, "wtf did I tell him to do his own thing for?"

thavoice;663209 wrote:I was dead wrong.

Those liberties and small things I enjoyed were not slowly stripped away over time.

...They were pretty much immediate.

I wasn't scared at all. Just pretty much ignorant and I am having the same experience.

Marry a good woman and this crazy crap doesn't happen.

I still play golf baseball video games etc. Do I do it less now with 3 kids? Sure but that's is because I am involved in their sports not due to my wife saying no.

Also in 11 years of marriage my wife has never complained about a purchase of mine. She has said many times "you work hard for our mone buy whatever you want ".

Of course big purchases I discuss with her.

september63;663414 wrote:Even when you asked her about starting this site? Now she is probably sayin, "wtf did I tell him to do his own thing for?"

It provides us with a little extra income. She doesn't mind it at all.

I was never scared about it one bit. I guess the most frightening thing about it was asking her dad...I am not intimidated by anyone really, nothing scary was going to happen, it is just that she is his "baby girl."

I wouldn't have it any other way either. Love marriage. I love waking up next to the one I love. I love falling asleep with her. I love talking about our future and where we may end up in the next 2-3 weeks. It's all be really fun and enjoyable -- and we are just getting started. I look forward to what is in store for our future.

When I met my wife, I coached HS football, 7th Grade basketball, refereed about 40-50 games in the winter, coached JV Softball, reffed about 4 tournaments in the summer, and golfed three days per week.

Now I... ref about 25 games per winter, add in tournament games. I am head softball coach, but this is my last year. I no longer golf b/c of my daughters. I ref one tournament in the summer. I volunteer for football.

Any side income I make (refereeing) she stands firm to the fact that it is OUR money. She got a $600 bonus this year for Christmas, and she stood firm to the fact that it was HER money. I still don't get it. Apparently, since my extra money is not a "gift" to me, and it is time away from the family, it is "ours." But, since hers was a gift to her, then I can't touch it. I love marriage.

Make sure that you both enjoy the same things, too. That is HUGE. Just because you enjoy each other's company, and enjoy the sex... that doesn't mean SHIT!

ernest_t_bass;663466 wrote:Make sure that you both enjoy the same things, too. That is HUGE. Just because you enjoy each other's company, and enjoy the sex... that doesn't mean SHIT!

I don't mind that she doesn't like the exact same things I do, but then she's gotta let me have time to do stuff she doesn't like. For example I gave up watching every single football game all day on Saturdays, but I'm not missing a buckeye game unless there's a damn good reason for it.