Ty Webb;572974 wrote:That is pretty much what my parents do

How would you and MJ have handled things?

I primarily take care of most things financially but she is by no means in the dark since she pays about 1/3 to 1/2 the bills online. Two joint checking accounts & two joint savings accounts with the two banks we used seperately before we got married. We review the budget 3 to 4 times a year. We have paid off all credit cards but one that has a couple of automatic payments on it but is easily paid off monthly. I make a lot more than she does so I have money directly deposited into her account. Her job allows her to pay the gas bill & have some spending money.

We both set aside money to tithe & save & I have a 401K through work.

I have heard too many horror stories where one party controlled all the money & screwed the other spouse royally. 80% of the stories are her doing him wrong financially including my wife's sister pulling the wool over her ex's eyes. Would never be in a relationship where I was clueless about the finances.

Trust buy verify

she handles everything

The Equalizer;572565 wrote:I mean I never see it, write in it, balance it, or know the exact amount inside of it at any given time.

this

Everything gets pooled - one checking account, one credit card account (each of us have a card for it). We alternate paying the bills each month just so that we both know what's going on.

We pull off a set amount of cash once a week for daily expenses and mad money (lunch, clothing, the occasion mall or Best Buy rampage, etc.) - other than that, we generally check in with each other if we need to get a non-budgeted item of more than $250.00

About the only exception are our investments - Lady D'Friskies has absolutely no interest in managing them. I show her the IRA/401K/mutual funds statements every quarter - all she does is make sure that they went up, then her eyes glaze over.

I just don't understand how a married couple can play the "my money/your money game". I can see a few situations where it might be necessary (several above mentioned business accounts), but shouldn't you have more trust in each other by that stage?

Cat Food Flambe';573297 wrote:I just don't understand how a married couple can play the "my money/your money game". I can see a few situations where it might be necessary (several above mentioned business accounts), but shouldn't you have more trust in each other by that stage?

Agreed. Absent pretty unique circumstances, the "my money/your money" thing when you're married is a bad idea. If you don't trust each other enough to share your money, you probably shouldn't be married.

fan_from_texas;573405 wrote:Agreed. Absent pretty unique circumstances, the "my money/your money" thing when you're married is a bad idea. If you don't trust each other enough to share your money, you probably shouldn't be married.

You can trust all you want and I did but it still happened to me with my ex! Now my money is my money!

Fab1b;573412 wrote:You can trust all you want and I did but it still happened to me with my ex! Now my money is my money!

Trust ... but verify.

That is why I have my separate checking account. She is aware of it, and we still discuss any major purchases from it, but she can't touch it.

My wife did not work at all until all of my children were in school. She has never had a full time job nor does she desire to have one. Maybe when the kids are gone she will. She is a hard working women that does not directly contribute much financially. Indirectly she works hard to get the kids where they need to be. She takes care of so many things I can't . Her contribution is no less important than mine.

Any financial contribution she makes is pooled into one account. I handle all financial matters and I pay all the bills. She wants nothing to do with them. She has enough other burdens to deal with. She takes care of purchasing most of our basic family needs (groceries, clothing, etc...). She is free to spend as she wishes for these basic needs as well as small amount for entertainment and small wants or gifts. Higher dollar wants she consults me as to whether the finances are there. We have long since ridden ourselves of credit cards and now operate only on a cash basis.

In any discussion we have that involves finances she does not want to hear any of the details. She tells me she does not want this stress added to her daily load and trusts me to make decisions that I decide are best for our family. She will give me her opinion on vague general matters, but if I get detailed she will bow out.

This has been successful for us but by no means would it be successful in all marriages. I have been married for 18yrs and known my wife for 21. The key is knowing yourself and your spouses talents, wants, and needs. Finding a way to mesh them both into successfully functioning family unit that is financially and emotionally sound is the key.

justcompete;572706 wrote:It is a fact that finances are one of the top reasons for divorce.
...

Issues stemming around finances and sex are really the only reasons people divorce. They both require very good communication skills.

We have no credit cards, we use one debit card and an occasional check. Since we are retired now, we have a pretty good idea of what our income will be down to the penny and the extra money we get comes from one or two day subbing and still coaching in two sports. A friend of mine is trying to get me interested in selling annuities for a conservative investment company but I haven't decided about that as yet. We have no real bills except for a remaining mortgage which may seem unusual for a couple as old as we are but we lost two homes to fire and that tends to set you back a little bit. We have a comfortable life financially but we aren't filthy rich. We try not to spend more than we have and as people get older they get much better at that. Finally, all of our bills, or at least most of them are set up for us online by our daughter-in-law so we really don't have a whole lot to do regarding our finances, and she is an accountant by education, although she has decided to stay home and raise three kids who are in the middle-school, grade school age range. Her husband is a pharmaceutical rep and does very well. That's our story and we're sticking to it.

I would be interested in hearing about the transition from "my money/your money" to shared money in a relationship. I'm in my first serious long term relationship and it appears to have solid long term potential. We essentially share money now but still have our own accounts. Sometimes purchases are still made that, if I were king, would not have been made. For instance, she thought it was necessary to buy a few new work outfits last week. My initial thought was, "well, couldn't that have waited until after the holidays?" as we're going to have to buy presents for her plethora of nieces and nephews. But, I still feel like "well it is her money so what am I to say?" I recently purchased a home and she has not moved in yet but it appears as if she will once her lease is up.

There was no "our money" until we were married. The transition was simple. It all started going into joint accounts.

There are some benefits to separate assets put into to different trusts but we will not pursue that until the kids are through college. Both of us will be trustee on both trusts.

I let my first wife handle everything because she was very smart and I thought she would be great at at. Big mistake. The best is to pool and manage your money together. This is not always possible, especally if you do not share common financial values like not over using credit cards or buying your kids everything they want regardless. I currently keep everything separate. Been burned twice.