Wedding Invitations - Question (could use some help)

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BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:01 AM
OK, as some of you know I am getting married in October to Websurfinbird. Long story short, my parents are divorced -- my dad is remarried, and my mom is single.

How should the invitation read? Ideally, it would be something like this:

Mr. X WebsDad and Ms. Y WebsMom invite you to the wedding of their daughter
Websurfinbird to
BigAppleBuckeye
son of Mr. X BABsDad and Ms. Y BABsMom

However, after much discussion, we are thinking we should honor my stepmom on the invitation. BUT, my mother is very sensitive about this.

Anyone have any experience with a similar situation?
May 6, 2010 10:01am
sej's avatar

sej

Senior Member

540 posts
May 6, 2010 10:16 AM
Mr. and Mrs BABdad and Ms BAB mom is the accepted method, I think.


I can understand your mom being sensitive about it. I know in my case both my step parents have been around a long time, and they would definitely be mentioned because of the impact they've had on my life.
May 6, 2010 10:16am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:18 AM
No experience, but if you consider your step-mother an important part of your family/life and has been around a long time (helping raise you)....tell your mother that. Your mother has to understand. Sometimes you have to hurt feelings to do what is right. The key is making sure your mother understands that blood is thicker than water, and that while you are putting your step-mother's name on the invitation...that your mother is indeed your one and only.
May 6, 2010 10:18am
BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:18 AM
sej wrote: Mr. and Mrs BABdad and Ms BAB mom is the accepted method, I think.


I can understand your mom being sensitive about it. I know in my case both my step parents have been around a long time, and they would definitely be mentioned because of the impact they've had on my life.
Great point sej ... another quick question: my stepmom has only been around for 6 or 7 years (I am 34). Because I didn't really grow up with her, how does that (or does it) change things?
May 6, 2010 10:18am
gorocks99's avatar

gorocks99

Senior Member

10,760 posts
May 6, 2010 10:18 AM
Replace your parent's names with those of professional wrestlers. If I'm on the fence about going, and I see that you're the son of ANDRE THE GIANT and ROWDY RODDY PIPER, I'm sure as hell going.
May 6, 2010 10:18am
BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:19 AM
gorocks99 wrote: Replace your parent's names with those of professional wrestlers. If I'm on the fence about going, and I see that you're the son of ANDRE THE GIANT and ROWDY RODDY PIPER, I'm sure as hell going.
But that would leave no room for COBRA COMMANDER! Blasphemy I tells ya ...
May 6, 2010 10:19am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:20 AM
BigAppleBuckeye wrote: another quick question: my stepmom has only been around for 6 or 7 years (I am 34). Because I didn't really grow up with her, how does that (or does it) change things?
Is it important to YOU? Obviously she didn't help develop you into the man you are and husband you are going to be. However, if it is important to you (and not just to your Father), then do it. If it isn't....then don't. Your step-mother should understand if she is not included.

This is YOUR day and YOUR BRIDE'S day. Not your parents or step-parents. Go with your gut.
May 6, 2010 10:20am
BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:22 AM
SnotBubbles wrote:
BigAppleBuckeye wrote: another quick question: my stepmom has only been around for 6 or 7 years (I am 34). Because I didn't really grow up with her, how does that (or does it) change things?
Is it important to YOU? Obviously she didn't help develop you into the man you are and husband you are going to be. However, if it is important to you (and not just to your Father), then do it. If it isn't....then don't. Your step-mother should understand if she is not included.
Great question man ... yes (in a lukewarm way) she is important to me, but I am more concerned with respecting my dad (and my mom of course) here. That being said, my stepmom stepped up bigtime for our engagement party -- I guess either way someone isn't going to like it.
May 6, 2010 10:22am
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
May 6, 2010 10:22 AM
We have a separation on the opposite end of the ticket:

My Mother in law is divorced, has been remarried for about 22 years.

Our wedding invitation said Mr. step father in law and Mrs. Mother in Law and Mr. Father invite you blah blah blah.....

Under no circumstance was not mentioning my wife's stepfather an option, given the length of time he's been married to her mother, they have a daughter together, and plus the reception was at his country club.

I suppose your situation may be different, but if the step-parent has been around for any meaningful period of time IMO they should be mentioned.
May 6, 2010 10:22am
T

teh awsum juan

Member

84 posts
May 6, 2010 10:23 AM
If you and your fiancee are paying for the majority of the wedding, you could also avoid hurt feelings by going with something like "together with their families, mr. BAB and miss webs invite you to..."
May 6, 2010 10:23am
ZWICK 4 PREZ's avatar

ZWICK 4 PREZ

Senior Member

7,733 posts
May 6, 2010 10:24 AM
She's not your mom so I don't see this issue here. You're not the son of her. She's cut.
May 6, 2010 10:24am
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
May 6, 2010 10:25 AM
teh awsum juan wrote: If you and your fiancee are paying for the majority of the wedding, you could also avoid hurt feelings by going with something like "together with their families, mr. BAB and miss webs invite you to..."
Was just in a wedding like that, groom (my best friend) paid for the whole thing, was in their city and it was his second wedding, plus he's closer to 40 years old than he is BAB's age.
May 6, 2010 10:25am
sherm03's avatar

sherm03

I go balls deep.

7,349 posts
May 6, 2010 10:25 AM
Generally, it's the parents that raised you that are mentioned on the invitations. However, etiquette shouldn't outweigh relationships.

If it's really a touchy subject, but you really want to include the stepparents, don't put any parents' names on the invitation...something along the lines of:

Websurfinbird
and
BAB
Along with their parents
Request the honour....blah blah blah.

For the record...I'm sick of wedding etiquette and all this bullshit that goes along with weddings. Who decided this shit...and why?!
May 6, 2010 10:25am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:26 AM
BigAppleBuckeye wrote: Great question man ... yes (in a lukewarm way) she is important to me, but I am more concerned with respecting my dad (and my mom of course) here. That being said, my stepmom stepped up bigtime for our engagement party -- I guess either way someone isn't going to like it.
Not trying to be critical here, just trying to help you make the proper decision.

You said that "in a lukewarm way she is important to me." I didn't ask that. I asked if it (the name on the invitation) was important to you. Right there, it tells me that the right decision is to exclude her. Send her a nice thank you note for all of her help and let her know that she was crucial in the planning and you appreciate her efforts and her role in your life.

I think it's clear that your mother's feelings are more important...so don't make this more difficult than it has to be.
May 6, 2010 10:26am
BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:26 AM
sherm03 wrote: Generally, it's the parents that raised you that are mentioned on the invitations. However, etiquette shouldn't outweigh relationships.

If it's really a touchy subject, but you really want to include the stepparents, don't put any parents' names on the invitation...something along the lines of:

Websurfinbird
and
BAB
Along with their parents
Request the honour....blah blah blah.

For the record...I'm sick of wedding etiquette and all this bullshit that goes along with weddings. Who decided this shit...and why?!
I hear you man!

Thanks for all the posts everybody, keep them coming, this is good stuff. Very helpful
May 6, 2010 10:26am
Websurfinbird's avatar

Websurfinbird

Chosen Person

656 posts
May 6, 2010 10:30 AM
teh awsum juan wrote: If you and your fiancee are paying for the majority of the wedding, you could also avoid hurt feelings by going with something like "together with their families, mr. BAB and miss webs invite you to..."
I wish that were the case but my parents are paying for the majority of it and BAB's family is contributing a sizable amount as well. And even if that weren't the case, for Jewish weddings it is traditional to include both parents on the invitation since they play a huge role during the wedding itself.( I.E. both parents walk their respective children down the aisle and stand with them during the ceremony.)
May 6, 2010 10:30am
power i's avatar

power i

Senior Member

1,296 posts
May 6, 2010 10:30 AM
As a stepmom myself, I say yes, include her. There is nothing more touching than having one of your step children actually acknowledge you. Even though she didn't help raise you, she is obviously an important part of your family. Your mother will understand.
May 6, 2010 10:30am
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
May 6, 2010 10:32 AM
My step parents will both be mentioned on my invitations. They have both been in my life for over 15 years and I love and care about them. My step dad will also be walking me down the aisle along with my dad. If there are any issues (which I do not believe there will be) I will sit them all down and explain why I made the choices and that this is my day and they will have to accept/respect my decisions. The end.
May 6, 2010 10:32am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:33 AM
power i wrote: As a stepmom myself, I say yes, include her. There is nothing more touching than having one of your step children actually acknowledge you. Even though she didn't help raise you, she is obviously an important part of your family. Your mother will understand.
I understand where you're coming from power_i. However, he has to focus on himself and his bride. If doing something like this takes the focus off of the task at hand (getting married), then he needs to go with his gut. From what he said (if he decides to put names on the invite)...he needs to exclude his step-mother and move on to hiring the DJ....
May 6, 2010 10:33am
T

teh awsum juan

Member

84 posts
May 6, 2010 10:36 AM
Websurfinbird wrote:
teh awsum juan wrote: If you and your fiancee are paying for the majority of the wedding, you could also avoid hurt feelings by going with something like "together with their families, mr. BAB and miss webs invite you to..."
I wish that were the case but my parents are paying for the majority of it and BAB's family is contributing a sizable amount as well. And even if that weren't the case, for Jewish weddings it is traditional to include both parents on the invitation since they play a huge role during the wedding itself.( I.E. both parents walk their respective children down the aisle and stand with them during the ceremony.)

hmm... will his step-mom be walking him down the aisle? also, do Jewish weddings have a program that is handed out at the ceremony? I feel like you could leave the name off the invitation if it would be overly upsetting to his mom, but include a special thank you on the program to show guests how much you appreciate her help
May 6, 2010 10:36am
Websurfinbird's avatar

Websurfinbird

Chosen Person

656 posts
May 6, 2010 10:39 AM
teh awsum juan wrote:
Websurfinbird wrote:
teh awsum juan wrote: If you and your fiancee are paying for the majority of the wedding, you could also avoid hurt feelings by going with something like "together with their families, mr. BAB and miss webs invite you to..."
I wish that were the case but my parents are paying for the majority of it and BAB's family is contributing a sizable amount as well. And even if that weren't the case, for Jewish weddings it is traditional to include both parents on the invitation since they play a huge role during the wedding itself.( I.E. both parents walk their respective children down the aisle and stand with them during the ceremony.)

hmm... will his step-mom be walking him down the aisle? also, do Jewish weddings have a program that is handed out at the ceremony? I feel like you could leave the name off the invitation if it would be overly upsetting to his mom, but include a special thank you on the program to show guests how much you appreciate her help
No just his mom and dad

As for the program, it is not required but we will be having one, so your suggestion is a good one.
May 6, 2010 10:39am
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
May 6, 2010 10:39 AM
BAB,

If your father is helping payu for the wedding I would assume that means your stepmother is also? Unless she doesn't work I would guess some of the money being contributed is hers as well. And not that money has that big of an impact...but just another thing to think about.

I never lived with my step mom and she did not play a huge role in raising me. But I still love her and my father loves her. She is obviously very important to him and therefor important to me. The decisions he makes in life are ultimately made with her input. I just can't ever see leaving someone out who is a huge part of my family regardless of how long she's been around.
May 6, 2010 10:39am
BigAppleBuckeye's avatar

BigAppleBuckeye

Senior Member

2,935 posts
May 6, 2010 10:42 AM
Fab4Runner wrote: BAB,

If your father is helping payu for the wedding I would assume that means your stepmother is also? Unless she doesn't work I would guess some of the money being contributed is hers as well. And not that money has that big of an impact...but just another thing to think about.

I never lived with my step mom and she did not play a huge role in raising me. But I still love her and my father loves her. She is obviously very important to him and therefor important to me. The decisions he makes in life are ultimately made with her input. I just can't ever see leaving someone out who is a huge part of my family regardless of how long she's been around.
Very good point Fab ... In a perfect world, I could find a way to include my stepmom on the invitation but word it in a way that wouldn't upset my mother (sidebar: my mom is a VERY emotional Italian/Argentinian woman, and her relationship with my stepmom is very dicey). In fairness, my mom is generally ok with my stepmom, but my stepmom's insecurities have escalated their tension unfortunately.
May 6, 2010 10:42am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:46 AM
I think the only way to go is

"The parents of BAB and WFB announce the..."

It's simple, and no one's feelings get hurt.
May 6, 2010 10:46am
S

SnotBubbles

May 6, 2010 10:47 AM
BTW....websurfinbird....

What's your stance?
May 6, 2010 10:47am