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What's a parent to do?

Home ▸ Archive ▸ High School Wrestling ▸ What's a parent to do?
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bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 30, 2011 1:57 PM
My boys have all wrestled in the same D1 high school for 8 years. The current coach inherited kids from a great wrestling program. For years this school has been one of the best in central Ohio. However, this year the team is having a bad year. We lost half the varisty to graduation, the novice program is small, the Junior High program graduates about 25 kids a year but most of those kids won't come out for varsity because the coach has made the program a miserable place to be. At the first practice this year there were about 50 kids. Today only about 25 show up for pratice. Almost all have quit.

The coach has always been a negative guy but his behavior is (in my opinion) beginning to cross a line. He constantly criticizes and calls the boys names. I'm not kidding. At most practices he tells the kids the reason the team is losing is becasue they are a bunch of "losers", "Quitters", "Pathetic", and "B@tches" and they just don't "want it bad enough". Basically, he makes kids hate to wrestle for our high school and he is slowly killing a once proud program. Last week my boy lost a match he should of won. He messed up and got thrown in OT for a loss. In front of the whole team and the home crowd, the coach yelled at him and said "You suck! You're pathetic! You just cost us this dual"! Which by the way, the team lost the dual by 26 points.

My youngest son graduates this year. So I have no more skin in this game. Should I say something to the coach? The Administration? Walk Away?

Input is appreciated.
Jan 30, 2011 1:57pm
falcon81's avatar

falcon81

Banned

571 posts
Jan 30, 2011 2:09 PM
Well I would............................ Never mind, Just......................move, no never mind........Instead maybe.............ignore it , move on maybe?????? No , thats not right either.......Think of your popularity, are kids worth risking that??????? Wait he is a educator and teacher they are perfect and you are just a parent .....The coach has to be right he has a degree silly...Drop it! Let the Unions and politicians and Lawyers handle it ......They put Kids before their own interest.....Right......? Oh My!!!
Jan 30, 2011 2:09pm
C

Cthelites

Senior Member

1,951 posts
Jan 30, 2011 3:55 PM
IMO if you are now out ofthe program you should talk to someone.
Maybe the coach face to face first and then AD.
You dont have anymore kids that it would hurt their cause.
Be as respectful about it as you can and see where it goes.
The coach might be able to learn something from it and use it for experience.
Use the experience with your boy as a life lesson to him as life will not always be pleasant.

Put the ball in the coaches hands and if you dont like the response go up the chain.
Sitting still maybe a detriment to others in the program if you dont speak up certain changes may never take place for the betterment of the other kids.
Jan 30, 2011 3:55pm
C

Cthelites

Senior Member

1,951 posts
Jan 30, 2011 4:01 PM
To follow up on that, if you think something is way out of wack you should have a talk with the coach regardless of whether he is almost out of the program or just starting. Dont start by going over his head.
Jan 30, 2011 4:01pm
cruiser_96's avatar

cruiser_96

Senior Member

7,536 posts
Jan 30, 2011 6:32 PM
I heart Cthelights.

bukkus: If your son wrestles for Groveport Madison, please come see me. If it's my brother you have the issue with, please see him.
Jan 30, 2011 6:32pm
falcon81's avatar

falcon81

Banned

571 posts
Jan 30, 2011 6:58 PM
Kidding aside.
1 you should not have waited for your kid to graduate. Deal with it if its unprofessional.
2 Go straight to coach the 1st time and share your facts and feeling about the issue.
3 if he gets it ....thank him for his time and let it go.
4 If he does not get it , go to the Ad and talk to him about it and a Follow up E-mail to Ad so its documented.
5 If its still not addressed call a meeting with AD and Principle and also send a Follow up E-mail.
6 If its not in writing .....It never happened. Administrators have very short memories and recollections!
7 Go out of your way to thank those that try to fix the behavior, they are far and few.
8 If all fails write a complete letter with all facts and attempts to try and fix problem and send it to the Super and ask for his help.
9 Try and think about other kids besides your own, you might really help someone else down the road.
Jan 30, 2011 6:58pm
Q

queencitybuckeye

Senior Member

7,117 posts
Jan 30, 2011 7:09 PM
You should either talk to the coach about your concerns or do nothing. To do anything else first is cowardly.
Jan 30, 2011 7:09pm
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 30, 2011 7:48 PM
Queen, This isn't about courage. It is doing what is right for a once great program and the boys to come. My boys are fine. They are tough with good self esteems and let this butt head's comments go in one ear and out the other. The reason I have waited until now is I really don't think that talking to this guy will do any good and I am sure it would do no good at all if my kid(s) are still in the program. This guy's struggles with emotional issues and maturity. He knows alot about wrestling. He does not know the first thing about leadership.

If my kids are still in the program my guess is he will dismiss me as a whining parent who just doesn't get "wrestling". I really believe the only chance (as slim as it is) that this guy will listen is if he believes I have nothing to gain and my concern is only for the program. That can only happen once my boys are done.
Jan 30, 2011 7:48pm
Q

queencitybuckeye

Senior Member

7,117 posts
Jan 30, 2011 7:59 PM
bukkus;658381 wrote:Queen, This isn't about courage. It is doing what is right for a once great program and the boys to come. My boys are fine. They are tough with good self esteems and let this butt head's comments go in one ear and out the other. The reason I have waited until now is I really don't think that talking to this guy will do any good and I am sure it would do no good at all if my kid(s) are still in the program. This guy's struggles with emotional issues and maturity. He knows alot about wrestling. He does not know the first thing about leadership.

If my kids are still in the program my guess is he will dismiss me as a whining parent who just doesn't get "wrestling". I really believe the only chance (as slim as it is) that this guy will listen is if he believes I have nothing to gain and my concern is only for the program. That can only happen once my boys are done.

It has everything to do with what's right, regardless of how the other party will act. If you have a problem with me, you should talk to me first, or to no one.
Jan 30, 2011 7:59pm
Westie101's avatar

Westie101

Senior Member

847 posts
Jan 30, 2011 8:29 PM
what school is this?
Jan 30, 2011 8:29pm
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 30, 2011 8:32 PM
Westie. No names.
Jan 30, 2011 8:32pm
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 30, 2011 11:02 PM
Cruiser. Do you say those things to you team?
Jan 30, 2011 11:02pm
cruiser_96's avatar

cruiser_96

Senior Member

7,536 posts
Jan 30, 2011 11:08 PM
Not only no, but HELL NO!!! But I do think that things we've said to kids ("We think your best chance for success is one weight up/down") have changed by the time they tell there parents ("Coach said I suck because I won't move a weight class.").

I try to use the Lou Holtz 5 word philosophy of coaching... "We coach up. Not down."
Jan 30, 2011 11:08pm
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 31, 2011 8:15 AM
Then it can't be you. It's not.
Jan 31, 2011 8:15am
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 31, 2011 8:16 AM
cruiser_96;658677 wrote:Not only no, but HELL NO!!! But I do think that things we've said to kids ("We think your best chance for success is one weight up/down") have changed by the time they tell there parents ("Coach said I suck because I won't move a weight class.").

I try to use the Lou Holtz 5 word philosophy of coaching... "We coach up. Not down."
Then it can't be you. It's not.
Jan 31, 2011 8:16am
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 31, 2011 8:29 AM
But I do think that things we've said to kids ("We think your best chance for success is one weight up/down") have changed by the time they tell there parents ("Coach said I suck because I won't move a weight class.").

I agree with you cruiser. I certainly take what my kids say with a certian amount of skepticism. But in this instance, the behaviors are verified by parents and wrestlers alike as well over time and multiple families. I have first hand knowledge (wrestlers and parents mouth to my ears) that wrestlers have quit because they simply don't want to wrestle for this guy any longer. JV wrestlers that quit if they have to wrestle varsity. Wrestlers who have quit and gone to other schools and wrestled again.

After every match, our wrestlers go up to our coach for a post match debrief. Obviously, from the stands, no one can hear what is actually said. But for years, at this moment, parents mock this guy by speaking as though they are the coach and say things like "So let me tell you what sucks about you" or "I know you just won this tournament but let me tell you why I am better than you because when I wrestled I...". Over 8 years and hundreds of families and wrestlers, I am confident it is the truth.
Jan 31, 2011 8:29am
S

Sid

Senior Member

287 posts
Jan 31, 2011 8:33 AM
May I ask a different question. Is the head coach a teacher?
Jan 31, 2011 8:33am
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 31, 2011 9:10 AM
Sid;658811 wrote:May I ask a different question. Is the head coach a teacher?
Yes
Jan 31, 2011 9:10am
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Jan 31, 2011 9:26 AM
bukkus;658830 wrote:Yes

YIKES! Have his actions ever been discussed with him, from AD or admin?
Jan 31, 2011 9:26am
B

bukkus

Junior Member

17 posts
Jan 31, 2011 9:48 AM
ernest_t_bass;658841 wrote:YIKES! Have his actions ever been discussed with him, from AD or admin?
Not to my knowledge. From what I understand, his behaviors in the classroom are acceptable.
Jan 31, 2011 9:48am
S

Sid

Senior Member

287 posts
Jan 31, 2011 10:30 AM
Oh, well sry thought I had a easy answer. I very strongly respect assistants w/o teaching degrees and with the state of our economy what else can we do? But, a head varsity coach who did not go through the rigors of a teaching degree. Which I consider meaning they have the kids best interest in mind. Dealing with them day in an day out. Including quite a few of their students who dont do any sports. Because I believe they truly want to help all kids/young adults become better people. *Stepping off soapbox :)
Jan 31, 2011 10:30am
falcon81's avatar

falcon81

Banned

571 posts
Jan 31, 2011 10:41 AM
Sid;658893 wrote:Oh, well sry thought I had a easy answer. I very strongly respect assistants w/o teaching degrees and with the state of our economy what else can we do? But, a head varsity coach who did not go through the rigors of a teaching degree. Which I consider meaning they have the kids best interest in mind. Dealing with them day in an day out. Including quite a few of their students who dont do any sports. Because I believe they truly want to help all kids/young adults become better people. *Stepping off soapbox :)
Yea whatever. When you have a teacher/ coach who does not even act in a case where he finds out and it is proven and documented that his unlicensed 15 year old 140 pound starter drives a van of drunk coaches and wrestlers to a OHSAA State tournament and then does nothing...Nothing. No parents, don't trust anyone just because they went thru the RIGORS of getting a teaching degree. Assume nothing when it comes to the safety and welfare of your kids...
Jan 31, 2011 10:41am
S

Sid

Senior Member

287 posts
Jan 31, 2011 10:52 AM
Really, haha, wow still at it? Nobody cares go back to your thread. :rolleyes:
Jan 31, 2011 10:52am
falcon81's avatar

falcon81

Banned

571 posts
Jan 31, 2011 11:21 AM
Sid;658915 wrote:Really, haha, wow still at it? Nobody cares go back to your thread. :rolleyes:
Parents do . 10000 posters in 8 days do. Many teaches sadly do not. Parents have had enough. Are you a teacher/coach Sid?
Jan 31, 2011 11:21am
S

Sid

Senior Member

287 posts
Jan 31, 2011 11:36 AM
I think whats more sad is that you own two homes (are on websites all day) are so well connected and able to run free clinics. This thread is has nothing to do with falsifying documentation to get your kids to a different school/s. Or, attacking everyone who disagrees with you including teachers who are struggling to make ends meet and then you make props for yourself with how many postings you get on a thread...that must make you a something...hmm wonder what it is..ohh I know...my point has been made before and I owe you no true response...I again after making a better point walk away from someone like you. Bukkus I wish you well.
Jan 31, 2011 11:36am