Ohio Chatter

Helping someone get their life together after addiction

Serious Business
SportsAndLady Senior Member
39,070 posts 24 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 2:27 PM

Had a close friend in high school/college fall into a heroin/percocet addiction in the last few years. Haven't talked to the guy in probably 4 years...before that, we were pretty close. There was a group of 4 of us who were pretty close. None of us have talked to this friend during all of this. 

His dad just reached out to one of us about helping him get it together. He is getting out of 30 day rehab and going to be in a halfway house. He apparently was fired from his job 3 years ago for stealing. He broke his foot playing sports and was prescribed Percocet. That turned to heroin when he ran out of money. 

His dad is asking if anyone of us have a contact for jobs, housing, etc. 

He lived in Cinci so he wants his son to be in Columbus to be "away" from his old contacts in Cinci. The friend his dad reached out to lives in Cinci so he was just wondering how easy it'd be to get him a job. 

 

Anyone have ANY help with this? It all kinda came up out of nowhere and none of us really have any experience with this.

Dr Winston O'Boogie Senior Member
3,345 posts 36 reps Joined Oct 2010
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 3:42 PM

If you’re helping him find a job or helping him to locate housing, that’s good. Also just being there to talk to him is a big deal. Where you draw the line is giving him money, possessions or having him move in with any of you. Those are enabling devices. If he’s truly bent on going straight, he won’t need those last three things. If not, they will only feed his addiction. Make sure those kind of boundaries are established. 

 

This opiod epidemic is ic is a horrible thing. I wish your friend well. I have gone to AA for many years and there are a lot of recovering opiod addicts in there. If he’s open to it, you might suggest he go. 

 

 
Ironman92 Administrator
56,729 posts 168 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 4:45 PM

My step brother has been to countless rehabs and always “graduates” their program and on the right track....and every time he comes back home he goes bad within a couple weeks. His last one he stayed in Columbus and had a decent job....made it 6 months and back to rehab.

12 months later since rehab in Florida he is remaining in Florida too far separated from bad friends....so far so good
SportsAndLady Senior Member
39,070 posts 24 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 5:22 PM
posted by Ironman92

My step brother has been to countless rehabs and always “graduates” their program and on the right track....and every time he comes back home he goes bad within a couple weeks. His last one he stayed in Columbus and had a decent job....made it 6 months and back to rehab.

12 months later since rehab in Florida he is remaining in Florida too far separated from bad friends....so far so good

Yeah I’m not too confident my buddy will be able to stay clean after he gets out. We’ll see. His dad wants him in Columbus to get away from his “friends” in cinci. 
SportsAndLady Senior Member
39,070 posts 24 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 5:25 PM
posted by Dr Winston O'Boogie

If you’re helping him find a job or helping him to locate housing, that’s good. Also just being there to talk to him is a big deal. Where you draw the line is giving him money, possessions or having him move in with any of you. Those are enabling devices. If he’s truly bent on going straight, he won’t need those last three things. If not, they will only feed his addiction. Make sure those kind of boundaries are established. 

 

This opiod epidemic is ic is a horrible thing. I wish your friend well. I have gone to AA for many years and there are a lot of recovering opiod addicts in there. If he’s open to it, you might suggest he go. 

 

 

Thanks, that’s a good idea with the AA meetings. Basically me and my group of friends are just there for support. His dad is getting him an apartment in Columbus and a new phone with little contacts in there. His dad asked if we knew if someone could get him a laborer type job. Construction or something like that. Going to be hard I would imagine with his felony and obviously just coming out of rehab. But I’m sure there are some companies out there that just want someone who will show up and do the job. Hoping we can find him something.

and yeah we would never give him money. He actually asked one of us about 6months ago on fbook. We said we’d be happy to get together  with him and help him out but aren’t going to just straight send him money. He didn’t respond after that. 
gut Senior Member
18,369 posts 117 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 6:04 PM
posted by SportsAndLady

His dad asked if we knew if someone could get him a laborer type job. Construction or something like that. Going to be hard I would imagine with his felony and obviously just coming out of rehab.

Another reason to go to AA.....people who've been in his situation and might be willing to take a chance on a guy or know someone who is.  Do some charity work, maybe get involved in Church activities - opportunities for people to get to know you who might then look past some of that stuff to help you out.
Dr Winston O'Boogie Senior Member
3,345 posts 36 reps Joined Oct 2010
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 6:30 PM

I'm not an "AA is the only way" believer.  It has worked for me, although my problem was alcohol and not opiates.  There is an organization called Narcotics Anonymous (NA) that is an option.  The problem with NA is that there are usually not nearly as many meeting options as AA.

 
Ironman92 Administrator
56,729 posts 168 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 6:33 PM
posted by SportsAndLady

Yeah I’m not too confident my buddy will be able to stay clean after he gets out. We’ll see. His dad wants him in Columbus to get away from his “friends” in cinci. 

That’s still too close I’m afraid....they get bored/lonely and feel out of place and go back to what and who they know.

He seems fine every single family occasion I am around him but impossible to always be there for him and they have to learn to do it on their own.

I feel like a good psychiatrist would do better than many of these programs.
Dr Winston O'Boogie Senior Member
3,345 posts 36 reps Joined Oct 2010
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 8:23 PM
posted by Ironman92

That’s still too close I’m afraid....they get bored/lonely and feel out of place and go back to what and who they know.

He seems fine every single family occasion I am around him but impossible to always be there for him and they have to learn to do it on their own.

I feel like a good psychiatrist would do better than many of these programs.

Sorry about your step-brother.  It is hard to watch and it is frustrating when you realize there is nothing you can do for the person unless he wants to get better.  I hope he finds something that works for him.
ernest_t_bass 12th Son of the Lama
26,698 posts 204 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 8:43 PM

Go to AA and get a sponsor.  It works if you work it. 
Fab4Runner Tits McGee
6,997 posts 64 reps Joined Nov 2009
Sun, Feb 25, 2018 10:36 PM

I have a lot of experience, unfortunately. My husband and I helped my youngest brother after he spent time in jail for stealing from his grandmother so he could buy drugs. He suffered a collapsed lung, had emergency surgery and then became addicted to painkillers. He's had an addictive personality his entire life, and he's been a liar and a thief his entire life. Pumping him full of morphine and then giving him a crazy prescription was probably not the best move. But I digress. 

We helped him find a one bedroom apartment that was near our house. We managed his money (we literally kept his money and made sure his bills were paid and gave him an allowance), gave him rides to and from work, spent time with him as much as possible...and none of it mattered because he went back to using a few months later. I can tell you the exact moment when I knew he had gone back to drugs. Shortly after that, he stole money from me.

To me, it was worse than the first time he got in trouble, and not because I was a victim this time. He had much more help and much more going for him than most other addicts/criminals, and he threw all of those advantages away. It made me furious. 

He's been in and out of jail and on and off drugs several times since then. We haven't disowned him or anything, but we also don't spend time with him or talk to him often. If he showed any remorse whatsoever, maybe I'd reach out more, but he doesn't.

I guess none of this is advice...I don't really have any. But I think it's admirable you want to help your friend. In the end, he has to decide he wants to stay clean. 
thavoice Senior Member
15,437 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 11:25 AM

That's tough and kudos for you helping.  Your not as bad a person as you come across on here.

 

Anything short of a personal chaperone like Josh Hamilton the reds llayer had is likely to really fail.   It's got to be a very hands on situation.
Heretic Son of the Sun
20,517 posts 204 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 1:26 PM

I'd say that, for your part, offering emotional support and trying to use connections to help with employment and housing might be as far as you'd want to go until the dude's shown that he has both the desire and willpower to stay sober. Go to far and you'd potentially wind up being used because he'd look at you as an easy mark.

For him, it really comes down to him and his family (or any "good influence" who is an enduring part of his life). I know that a friend of a friend has a son who went through heroin. Been clean for a good while and I recently read a story in their local newspaper about his mom and all she went through to help him get clean. She had to revolve her life around him to the point that she said that, right now, her biggest thing is having to re-remember the concept of living life for herself because she kind of has a bit of a void now that he's gotten back to the point she doesn't have to worry about him 24/7.
vball10set paying it forward
26,788 posts 121 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 2:34 PM
posted by thavoice

That's tough and kudos for you helping.  Your not as bad a person as you come across on here.

 

 

 

Gee, I'm sure this really made her day---you really are a dope.
thavoice Senior Member
15,437 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 3:14 PM
posted by vball10set

Gee, I'm sure this really made her day---you really are a dope.

"Made her day".

Classic.
vball10set paying it forward
26,788 posts 121 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 3:19 PM
posted by thavoice

"Made her day".

Classic.

sorry, I thought you were referring to Fab4's post...but you're still a dope.

 
Automatik Senior Member
15,737 posts 99 reps Joined Nov 2009
Mon, Feb 26, 2018 3:28 PM

Fuck man, I'm way too familiar with the OP's situation.

Some background: One of my best friends was/is into it deep. He could be clean now, but who knows. We grew up together, attended preschool throughout highschool, lived one block away from me. We were roommates during my last two years at OSU, he worked odd jobs, distro center stuff. It was college, so of course we were partying, he was always the "look at me" kind of guy, "I'm doing something other than drinking." He casually starts popping pain pills for fun. Didn't think much of it, then it got more frequent, then he's crushing them up in a mortar and pestle on a random Monday evening. He gets more and more out there, starts to slide at work, pills increase, gets fired from several jobs, moves back to our hometown in the Ohio Valley.

Then shit really started to go downhill, shacked up with another addict girl (has two kids, taken from her by child services), taking every pill he could get his hands on. Morphine patches, oxycontin, stealing from his parents, her parents, wrecks two cars, DUI, real degenerate stuff. After all that he ends up driving again, falls asleep at the wheel, fractures his neck and severely injures someone from the other car. I think he had to get a leg amputated. He's then in the hospital and back on the meds.

The last time I saw him was last summer and he was not all there, just out in space when talking. It really sucked seeing him still in that state. We all tried to help him, friends and family, multiple intervention style confrontations. None of it really worked. He never owned up to shit, always someone or something else causing his problems, everyone against him and blah blah. His parents are well aware of everything and they have money, so I'm not sure why he never went to a proper rehab facility. 

I wish him well and I hope he gets his shit together, but as of now I've pretty much cut him off. He's back living with is parents, and the last I heard he was "doing better." But I've heard that regularly for the last 5 years. For reference, the bad stage began around 2009 and he's still struggling.

You can only do so much. Just support them as best you see fit, and at the end of the day change has to come from within. 

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