Female-on-male assault

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 12:38 PM

I remember hearing the story about Lionel Richie needing to be hospitalized because of the beating he took at the hands of his (now) ex-wife when she broke into his hotel room.

And of course, being an Indians fan, I remember when Chuck Finley's wife was arrested for assaulting him.

Now, apparently there's an audio recording that has surfaced which includes a conversation between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, where she admits to having assaulted him while they were together.

The numbers I've seen range anywhere from 10-33% of assault cases being female-on-male, but it always seems like it's written off.

Is this the sort of thing that should be taken just as seriously as if a man assaults a woman? And do you think the reason it might not be is because of the stigma that a male who actually seeks help after being assaulted is seen as "weak?"

ernest_t_bass 12th Son of the Lama

26,698 posts 204 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 12:48 PM

I think pride comes into play, as well as generational rules for "men"

1) never hit a woman

2) if you get your ass kicked by a woman, don't say anything about it

FatHobbit Senior Member

9,058 posts 68 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 1:32 PM

She didn't punch him. She hit him...

FatHobbit Senior Member

9,058 posts 68 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 1:34 PM

As a Male, you're fucked in a physical confrontation with a female. You can't beat her up and you can't complain if she beats you up.

When I was in high school I had a friend who weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. He was at a party with another friend and a girl there held him down, took off his pants and raped him. His buddy watched and later told the story and everyone thought it was hilarious. That would have been different if it had been a Male. But it's just an example of how life isn't fair.

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 4:01 PM

posted by FatHobbit
She didn't punch him. She hit him...

Yeah, she seemed to be REALLY insistent on making that point, even though he maintains that she did when talking with her.

thavoice Senior Member

15,437 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 4:21 PM

Really is a no win situation here.

You cannot, nor should you, fight back. Most men should be able to deflect enough of the assault to come out of it unscathed unless she sucker punches you.

Barring some sort of weapon (and having witnesses to include another female not connected to you) you really can not do anything in return. Hell, I imagine even holding on tightly to the wrists (without said witnesses) to stop the attack could easily be construed the wrong way.

Should it be taken as seriously as man on woman? Nah.

With that said, where has sportslady been? Has he maybe been a victim of said violence?

thavoice Senior Member

15,437 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 4:22 PM

posted by FatHobbit
As a Male, you're fucked in a physical confrontation with a female. You can't beat her up and you can't complain if she beats you up.

When I was in high school I had a friend who weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. He was at a party with another friend and a girl there held him down, took off his pants and raped him. His buddy watched and later told the story and everyone thought it was hilarious. That would have been different if it had been a Male. But it's just an example of how life isn't fair.

Did you ever seek counseling for being a victim?

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 4:31 PM

posted by thavoice
Really is a no win situation here.

You cannot, nor should you, fight back. Most men should be able to deflect enough of the assault to come out of it unscathed unless she sucker punches you.

Nor should you? Is this just based on the "don't hit a woman" rule, or is there something else to that?

And when you say "most men should be able to deflect enough of the assault to come out of it unscathed," what is that based on?

posted by thavoice

Barring some sort of weapon (and having witnesses to include another female not connected to you) you really can not do anything in return. Hell, I imagine even holding on tightly to the wrists (without said witnesses) to stop the attack could easily be construed the wrong way.

Which seems highly problematic to me. Not allowed to defend oneself?

posted by thavoice

Should it be taken as seriously as man on woman? Nah.

Why not?

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 4:32 PM

posted by thavoice
Did you ever seek counseling for being a victim?

I assume you're taking a shot here, but it seems weird that FatHobbit would be 100 pounds in high school.

Ironman92 Administrator

56,729 posts 168 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 5:52 PM

posted by FatHobbit
As a Male, you're fucked in a physical confrontation with a female. You can't beat her up and you can't complain if she beats you up.

When I was in high school I had a friend who weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. He was at a party with another friend and a girl there held him down, took off his pants and raped him. His buddy watched and later told the story and everyone thought it was hilarious. That would have been different if it had been a Male. But it's just an example of how life isn't fair.

Kinda wondering how she did that to him?

wasn't Finley driving and Tawny beat the hell out of him?....or I just have that Whitesnake video on my mind?

BRF Senior Member

11,621 posts 111 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 6, 2020 6:31 PM

posted by Ironman92
Kinda wondering how she did that to him?

Me, too.

FatHobbit Senior Member

9,058 posts 68 reps Joined Nov 2009

Fri, Feb 7, 2020 4:00 PM

posted by O-Trap
I assume you're taking a shot here, but it seems weird that FatHobbit would be 100 pounds in high school.

Haha I weighed 120 lbs in high school. I was super skinny.

FatHobbit Senior Member

9,058 posts 68 reps Joined Nov 2009

Fri, Feb 7, 2020 4:01 PM

posted by Ironman92
Kinda wondering how she did that to him?

I'm guessing parts of him were willing but his head was not. She held him down and straddled him.

thavoice Senior Member

15,437 posts 42 reps Joined Nov 2009

Fri, Feb 7, 2020 4:04 PM

posted by O-Trap
Nor should you? Is this just based on the "don't hit a woman" rule, or is there something else to that?

And when you say "most men should be able to deflect enough of the assault to come out of it unscathed," what is that based on?

posted by thavoice

Barring some sort of weapon (and having witnesses to include another female not connected to you) you really can not do anything in return. Hell, I imagine even holding on tightly to the wrists (without said witnesses) to stop the attack could easily be construed the wrong way.

Which seems highly problematic to me. Not allowed to defend oneself?

posted by thavoice

Should it be taken as seriously as man on woman? Nah.

Why not?

Based on most men should be big, tough and strong enough to be able to block/repel a woman trying to punch/slap ya!

Spock Senior Member

5,271 posts 9 reps Joined Jul 2013

Thu, Feb 13, 2020 11:48 AM

Not sure how you can rape a guy who isnt "up for it"

jmog Senior Member

7,737 posts 52 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 13, 2020 11:58 AM

posted by Spock
Not sure how you can rape a guy who isnt "up for it"

Not to get too graphic, but just like women get "lubricated" sometimes during rape, even if they don't "want it". Its a bodily natural response at times.

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 13, 2020 12:03 PM

posted by Spock
Not sure how you can rape a guy who isnt "up for it"

posted by jmog
Not to get too graphic, but just like women get "lubricated" sometimes during rape, even if they don't "want it". Its a bodily natural response at times.

Exactly. Physiological responses during rape don't indicate desire. This is pretty well-established at this point.

jmog Senior Member

7,737 posts 52 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 13, 2020 12:27 PM

posted by Spock
Not sure how you can rape a guy who isnt "up for it"

You had to pass at least some basic anatomy and physiology class to be a gym teacher. How could you possibly not know this?

O-Trap Chief Shenanigans Officer

18,909 posts 140 reps Joined Nov 2009

Thu, Feb 13, 2020 12:35 PM

posted by thavoice
Based on most men should be big, tough and strong enough to be able to block/repel a woman trying to punch/slap ya!

The problem, I think, is that this seems to perpetuate a "no harm, no foul" sentiment. Should we necessarily wait until there IS harm before we consider it a problem? I daresay that we certainly wouldn't take such a "no harm, no foul" policy into other areas. If a guy holds you up to take your wallet, finds no money in the wallet, and hands you back your wallet with an apology, all while brandishing a gun or wielding a knife, there's been no foul, after all. Same with an attempt on your life by a shooter who misses without you realizing you were the target.

Why shouldn't equal intent be treated just as seriously? As you said, there's a risk that even grabbing wrists might allow for the wrong story to be perpetuated, but I think that fact is perpetuated by the idea that guys are supposed to just take it. I can't say I buy that.

Female-on-male assault

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