If you have ever smoked meat low and slow you have an appreciation of how long it takes and how good it's going to taste when it's done.
I go to the butcher and grab a 12 lb fresh ham that cost me $15 then when I got home a smothered it with a salt brine for a week. After the week was up I rinsed it and got the smoker ready for an overnight cook and put the ham on the smoker. This thing took me 16 hours to cook setting my alarm every hour to replenish the cooker with coals and by the time I was slicing it I was very tired but ready to eat the finished product. This is when things started going down hill when the wife called me into a another room to help her move something. When I finished with the wife (90 seconds) I return to the kitchen and the ham was gone only to look over at my dog licking his chops. You SOB you ate my ham and somehow he seemed to smile at me as I chased him around th house swearing at him. The next day the dog is outside squealing like a pig cause he can't take a shit so the wife takes him to the vet. Now I have a $450 ham and the bastard gets to eat hamburger and rice per the vet prescription along with Ex-lax. I love my dog but I lost a good nights sleep just to feed his ass and eat like a king. I managed to get one bite when I was slicing it and the wife got none. I wonder if he'd care if I stole his dog food!

Man this thread title leaves this wide open!! Buy yeah that sucks bro!!

You should ask snyds who his vet is..I recommend you take the dog there.

Blame it on your wife.

UA5straightin2008 wrote:

That's ironic my dog is a husky!

i'm psychic, bro

gorocks99 wrote: Blame it on your wife.

I thought about that

That actually is a good story.

ernest_t_bass wrote: That actually is a good story.

You would like a story about another mans meat!!!

ZING!

Bio-Hazzzzard wrote: ...When I finished with the wife (90 seconds) I return to the kitchen and the ham was gone only to look over at my dog licking his chops...

At least you're honest...

The 12 year old in me DEFINITELY laughed out loud at the first sentence of this. DEFINITELY.

ccrunner609 wrote: I would tell the story in the tense that the dog is now dead.......cause that shit would be buried within an hour.

Amen to that! As I tell my dog when it tries to beg and steal my food!
"I don't eat your food, and you won't eat mine!"

Crew Love wrote:

Bio-Hazzzzard wrote: ...When I finished with the wife (90 seconds) I return to the kitchen and the ham was gone only to look over at my dog licking his chops...

At least you're honest...

I knew that was coming...I've been married a long time, you get it when you can no matter how long it takes

This is why you should always let the women do the cooking. You would have moved the item yourself and she could have stood guard over the ham.

I Wear Pants wrote: This is why you should always let the women do the cooking. You would have moved the item yourself and she could have stood guard over the ham.

My wife could never run the cooker, you couln't have eaten it anyhow

Bio-Hazzzzard wrote:

Crew Love wrote:

Bio-Hazzzzard wrote: ...When I finished with the wife (90 seconds) I return to the kitchen and the ham was gone only to look over at my dog licking his chops...

At least you're honest...

I knew that was coming...I've been married a long time, you get it when you can no matter how long it takes

You should have let the wife be on top then you could have ate your ham while she did all the work!

You should have let the wife be on top then you could have ate your ham while she did all the work!
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Now we're getting somwhere...good idea

Keebler wrote:

He didn't eat the green eggs..LOL

I have little yappy dogs that can't grab my meat off the counter. They have on occasion jumped up on a chair (when no one is around) and snaked meat off my plate when I left the dining room to go into the kitchen to refill my drink. All the discipline in the world cannot keep a dog from your meat. Its like putting cocaine in front of an addict. My wife and kids have learned the chairs must be pushed in when leaving the table. Otherwise their meat may not be there when they get back.

90 seconds and the dog consumed a 12 lb ham. That dog deserves some kinda medal. I have a golden that I thought was bad and quick mind you. Not that fast though. I would have been able to salvage at least half but with three dogs in the mix it could and has got ugly when one of them gets food they shouldn't. Gets pretty noisy.