pmoney25
Posts: 1,787
May 10, 2013 8:16pm
So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.
To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
said_aouita
Posts: 8,532
May 10, 2013 8:20pm
Define hurt.
wildcats20
Posts: 27,794
May 10, 2013 8:23pm
Lending family money never turns out well.
pmoney25
Posts: 1,787
May 10, 2013 8:30pm
I'm not really sure. I will say that my brother was heavily involved in heroin and other drugs about 4-5 years ago. He has been clean for about two years. He gets tested all the time from his PO. So I wouldn't doubt that he knows people who are at the bottom of the barrel.said_aouita;1441406 wrote:Define hurt.
Tigerfan00
Posts: 3,427
May 10, 2013 9:34pm
The more you bail them out the more you enable this to keep happening.
GoChiefs
Posts: 16,754
May 10, 2013 9:59pm
This. Under almost any circumstances.wildcats20;1441407 wrote:Lending family money never turns out well.
Ironman92
Posts: 49,363
May 10, 2013 10:00pm
Yep....tough love
Enforcer
Posts: 2,140
May 10, 2013 10:31pm
If the roles were reversed would they help You out? If the answer is no then hell with empmoney25;1441404 wrote:So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.
To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
G
gut
Posts: 15,058
May 10, 2013 10:38pm
If they aren't able to live comfortably off the govt they're doing it wrong.
Bail them out but make clear this is the last time. Then make it the last time.
Bail them out but make clear this is the last time. Then make it the last time.
DeyDurkie5
Posts: 11,324
May 11, 2013 1:09am
Take whatever money you were going to spend on this guy and go on vacation. You'll be happy you did.
se-alum
Posts: 13,948
May 11, 2013 1:22am
False. I've loaned family members money on several occasions, and it's never been a problem. I've always got my money back. If your family is a bunch of deadbeats, maybe it's different.wildcats20;1441407 wrote:Lending family money never turns out well.
S
Shane Falco
Posts: 440
May 11, 2013 5:51am
Upper deck!! Duh!
Helped right??
Helped right??
S
sportchampps
Posts: 7,361
May 11, 2013 8:02am
Do not be an enabler
SportsAndLady
Posts: 35,632
May 11, 2013 10:06am
Sooo what happened
OSH
Posts: 4,145
May 11, 2013 10:16am
I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...
If I were you, I wouldn't do anything for them unless I know ALL the information. Make it clear the expectations you have from them IF you help out. And put a timetable on it. Draw up a contract. Anything to "help" them get out of their problems and get them on a path of proper lifestyle (is what it seems it needs). I don't help out if there's as much vagueness as what they are giving. Too suspicious. I'm all about helping family out, but no way would I put my family (wife and kids) or I in danger because some of my other family got themselves in crap.
If I were you, I wouldn't do anything for them unless I know ALL the information. Make it clear the expectations you have from them IF you help out. And put a timetable on it. Draw up a contract. Anything to "help" them get out of their problems and get them on a path of proper lifestyle (is what it seems it needs). I don't help out if there's as much vagueness as what they are giving. Too suspicious. I'm all about helping family out, but no way would I put my family (wife and kids) or I in danger because some of my other family got themselves in crap.
GoChiefs
Posts: 16,754
May 11, 2013 10:20am
OSH;1441528 wrote:I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...
I'm pretty sure most of the replies he recieved were serious?
Dr. KnOiTaLL
Posts: 2,682
May 11, 2013 12:29pm
Very well put IMOOSH;1441528 wrote:I know you probably aren't used to serious answers on here...but...
If I were you, I wouldn't do anything for them unless I know ALL the information. Make it clear the expectations you have from them IF you help out. And put a timetable on it. Draw up a contract. Anything to "help" them get out of their problems and get them on a path of proper lifestyle (is what it seems it needs). I don't help out if there's as much vagueness as what they are giving. Too suspicious. I'm all about helping family out, but no way would I put my family (wife and kids) or I in danger because some of my other family got themselves in crap.
T
Tiernan
Posts: 13,021
May 11, 2013 3:45pm
I found out a long long time ago there is a huge difference between "Family" & "Relatives"...you are dealing here with "Relatives" my man and you don't owe these bottom feeders squat just becaues you happen to share some DNA.
"Family" on the other hand are individuals who have supported you in tough times and loved you unconditionally and expect nothing in return but appreciate it when you can reciprocate. "Family" doesn't neccessarily share DNA and more often than not have been friends with you since you were 12 yrs old.
"Family" on the other hand are individuals who have supported you in tough times and loved you unconditionally and expect nothing in return but appreciate it when you can reciprocate. "Family" doesn't neccessarily share DNA and more often than not have been friends with you since you were 12 yrs old.
G
gut
Posts: 15,058
May 11, 2013 4:12pm
If he's been getting paid back then I don't really see the issue. I assumed - especially since he argues with his wife about it - that it's not really a loan but a gift. A loan to pay off another loan - I don't think you're seeing this money again.
Ultimately it's about what you can live with, and that includes your wife! I think if it were me and I hadn't already made it abundantly clear I was putting a stop to this, I'd make this LAST "loan" and then my conscious would be good.
Ultimately it's about what you can live with, and that includes your wife! I think if it were me and I hadn't already made it abundantly clear I was putting a stop to this, I'd make this LAST "loan" and then my conscious would be good.
S
Sonofanump
May 11, 2013 5:52pm
thissportchampps;1441511 wrote:Do not be an enabler
skank
Posts: 6,543
May 11, 2013 6:21pm
pmoney25;1441404 wrote:So I will make this short but since I was a kid my family(mom,dad,brother) have not always made the smartest decisions financially, health wise and in all honesty legally. So tonight I get a text from my brother saying they need money because he and my mother borrowed money from someone they shouldn't have and if they don't get the money within an hour or two someone will "hurt" them. I don't doubt what they said. I live a few hours away . I get calls/text once or twice a month asking for money for this and that and part of me feels obligated because I am doing well financially, My wife and I are nowhere near rich but we are comfortable. It obviously always causes an argument.
To top it off, my dad passed away two years ago to the day and this is how I have to deal with them.
To be fair, I never said I would, "hurt them", I said they, "wouldn't like what happened next."
Tigerfan00
Posts: 3,427
May 11, 2013 7:18pm
Are you going to throw a football through one of their windows that was signed by the Massilion football team?skank;1441623 wrote:To be fair, I never said I would, "hurt them", I said they, "wouldn't like what happened next."
F
friendfromlowry
Posts: 6,239
May 11, 2013 8:05pm
The idea that someone is possibly going to hurt them throws a wrench into all of it. It seems other posters have had similar stories, but usually their families/relatives are just morons and blow their money. If they were legitimately facing physical harm, I think (if you care about them) your first priority is to take care of that threat, then figure out the rest.
skank
Posts: 6,543
May 11, 2013 8:30pm
Tigerfan00;1441636 wrote:Are you going to throw a football through one of their windows that was signed by the Massilion football team?
HELL NO, why would I lose a good football? Anyway, I don't have one signed by the Massilion Tigers....The MASSILLON Tigers on the other hand....
Belly35
Posts: 9,716
May 12, 2013 7:30am
WinnerTigerfan00;1441437 wrote:The more you bail them out the more you enable this to keep happening.