Belly35
Posts: 9,716
Feb 16, 2012 11:04am
My immediate family</SPAN> is very important to me, I would do anything to help and support then in time of need financially, emotionally and in physical labor. However there does come a time and amount that put a slow down to the supportive process. </SPAN>
Question: Is it Ok to pull this help or support and what in your opinion would predicate in doing so? </SPAN>
Question: Is it Ok to pull this help or support and what in your opinion would predicate in doing so? </SPAN>
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vball10set
Posts: 24,795
Feb 16, 2012 11:07am
If they have a drug problem, stop contributing money that enables this--that'd be a reason
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
Feb 16, 2012 11:14am
I'd stop if the favors i was doing became expected and they weren't trying to help themselves get out of the situation they were in
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Feb 16, 2012 11:22am
I had to stop helping my brother years ago, now my sister I still provide help for because I have 3 nieces from her I love dearly and I have of course posted the story here about my feelings on my sister. You need to do what is right for you first!! At some point just handing them money only enables them to keep coming to you!
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Gblock
Feb 16, 2012 11:24am
my sister 22yo just married a guy that our family really didnt know...he turns out to be a loser. within 6 mos my brothers and i have had to go over there 3 times because she said he was getting abusive. this last time we called the cops because he wouldnt open the door. they didnt come at first but we kept kicking the door and then he said he had a "strap" so we called the cops again and like six of them busted in an arrested him. he said he didnt touch my sis but we showed the cops text messages from my sis that said help and hes choking me...
anyway long story short they had court the other day so i go to support my sister and find out that she is going to get back with him and she is pregnant. so i can no longer support her or help her as long as she is with this dirtbag loser. although i guess since she is my sister i cant let her get beat on.
anyway long story short they had court the other day so i go to support my sister and find out that she is going to get back with him and she is pregnant. so i can no longer support her or help her as long as she is with this dirtbag loser. although i guess since she is my sister i cant let her get beat on.
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 11:40am
You never turn your back on your family, never.Belly35;1087596 wrote:My immediate family is very important to me, I would do anything to help and support then in time of need financially, emotionally and in physical labor. However there does come a time and amount that put a slow down to the supportive process.
Question: Is it Ok to pull this help or support and what in your opinion would predicate in doing so?
Raw Dawgin' it
Posts: 11,466
Feb 16, 2012 11:48am
if you're a drug addict who refuses to get help and continues to be destructive, then yes you can. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to stick by them because they're either abusive, manipulative, destructive or a degenerate, or all of them put together.Skyhook79;1087668 wrote:You never turn your back on your family, never.
Belly35
Posts: 9,716
Feb 16, 2012 11:51am
Really! ......Please define "turn your back"Skyhook79;1087668 wrote:You never turn your back on your family, never.
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 11:57am
"Is it Ok to pull this help or support"Belly35;1087678 wrote:Really! ......Please define "turn your back"
That is one way to define it.
martyirish
Posts: 490
Feb 16, 2012 11:58am
Only if is a hand up not a hand out
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 11:59am
If they are using illegal drugs and refuse to stop or get help on their own, you turn them in so they can get the help they need. It would be better for them to spend time in prison/rehab then to just walk away from them.Raw Dawgin' it;1087675 wrote:if you're a drug addict who refuses to get help and continues to be destructive, then yes you can. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to stick by them because they're either abusive, manipulative, destructive or a degenerate, or all of them put together.
Q
queencitybuckeye
Posts: 7,117
Feb 16, 2012 12:04pm
No, but there are times where "not turning your back" consists of some tough love.Skyhook79;1087668 wrote:You never turn your back on your family, never.
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queencitybuckeye
Posts: 7,117
Feb 16, 2012 12:07pm
Good question, actually one of the key questions.Belly35;1087678 wrote:Really! ......Please define "turn your back"
Some of my wife's relatives are the most big hearted, well intentioned people on the planet, but they are the kings and queens of enabling with their kids. We tell them that if doing stupid things doesn't hurt, people will rarely quit, but they keep bailing out their kids regardless. This is no way "helping".
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 12:17pm
Absolutely.queencitybuckeye;1087696 wrote:No, but there are times where "not turning your back" consists of some tough love.
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Feb 16, 2012 12:21pm
I don't consider it turning your back! You can only help so much, that person needs to want to and has to help themselves at some point. Why, no matter how close someone may be to you, would you let someone put a damper on your own life? So I will call it tough love but there comes a time when one needs to "man up" and seek help for themselves! I completely cut my brother off about 6 - 7 yrs ago, does it hurt? Sure does and I think about him however I have my own life to live!
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 12:29pm
I have to disagree, that is exactly what it is.Fab1b;1087718 wrote:I don't consider it turning your back! You can only help so much, that person needs to want to and has to help themselves at some point. Why, no matter how close someone may be to you, would you let someone put a damper on your own life? So I will call it tough love but there comes a time when one needs to "man up" and seek help for themselves! I completely cut my brother off about 6 - 7 yrs ago, does it hurt? Sure does and I think about him however I have my own life to live!
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Feb 16, 2012 12:31pm
That is your opinion and I am fine with that. When he is using heavy drugs, not working, going to jail, knocking up a crackhead, trying to get insurance money from my mom on my father's death, then I guess I turned my back!
Skyhook79
Posts: 5,739
Feb 16, 2012 12:41pm
I know people can do some stupid,dumb things and I am not saying you should enable him in any way but man that is your brother,your blood. I just don't see how you cannot even at least talk to him on occasion.Fab1b;1087730 wrote:That is your opinion and I am fine with that. When he is using heavy drugs, not working, going to jail, knocking up a crackhead, trying to get insurance money from my mom on my father's death, then I guess I turned my back!
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Tiernan
Posts: 13,021
Feb 16, 2012 2:08pm
How about the idiot siblings and parents of Josh Powell out in Washington trying to have his remains buried next to the two sons and wife he murdered? They need to be exterminated from this earth as well, his old man is in prison on child porn charges which you know eventually show the old creep had nude pics of himself fondling his grandsons and probably molested his own son which made him a psycho too. These are people who will only reproduce and create more sub-humans.
ernest_t_bass
Posts: 24,984
Feb 16, 2012 2:17pm
My same sentiments.Raw Dawgin' it;1087618 wrote:I'd stop if the favors i was doing became expected and they weren't trying to help themselves get out of the situation they were in
power i
Posts: 1,296
Feb 16, 2012 2:37pm
Think of all the bad people in this world. They are all relatives of someone.
Heretic
Posts: 18,820
Feb 16, 2012 2:52pm
I think the problem can be with some people that any real attempt to communicate with them sets off their "potential enabling alert" spider signal, which leads to all sorts of problem. Like, some people I'm friends with have a nephew who's mid-30s, lives with his mom, hasn't held a job in a few years. Had (or maybe still has) issues with drugs. Tries to bum money whenever possible. They've tried to help him. Like when my friend that's his uncle was doing some work on the roof, he'd invite him over and pay him a bit to help. Except he was really unreliable as far as showing up. So now, he tries to only have contact with him at group functions or places where it can't be afforded. Combination of the nephew not doing his part when help was offered WITH the worry that he might look to swipe a few things if he can.Skyhook79;1087742 wrote:I know people can do some stupid,dumb things and I am not saying you should enable him in any way but man that is your brother,your blood. I just don't see how you cannot even at least talk to him on occasion.
FatHobbit
Posts: 8,651
Feb 16, 2012 2:53pm
Some of my relatives make terrible decisions. I don't cut them off necessarily, but the drama they cause is their own. I can not clean up their messes for them. I wonder sometimes if I shouldn't just be done with it. Life would be much easier and my wife would probably appreciate not having them around.
Fab1b
Posts: 12,949
Feb 16, 2012 3:05pm
Look it's not like my brother did these things once, this was years and years of torment for my family. He put my mother through hell while my father was dying (I cannot forgive for that) and put my sister and myself through hell. I lost of money, time, and patience trying to help that fool! You are right he is my blood but that is where it stops, he is not the brother I care to have!! I tried and I tried, I even put my neck on the line and lived with him which almost came back to bite me in the ass with the law when he got raided!! I don't need that shit, he is an adult, a grown man that decided his habits and bad ways was more important than his family, not the other way around!Skyhook79;1087742 wrote:I know people can do some stupid,dumb things and I am not saying you should enable him in any way but man that is your brother,your blood. I just don't see how you cannot even at least talk to him on occasion.
I also don't talk to him in any fashion because all he does is fucking lie! He is a con man and good at telling what you want to hear. Been fooled several times, no more!
FatHobbit
Posts: 8,651
Feb 16, 2012 3:07pm
Agree. You can't make someone make good decisions. When they only care about themselves and can't see the consequences of their actions it's time to let them deal with it on their own.Fab1b;1087911 wrote:he is an adult, a grown man that decided his habits and bad ways was more important than his family, not the other way around!