Archive Man Jokes - Ohio Chatter

ernest_t_bass

Posts: 24,984

Jan 5, 2012 8:54am

Some of you will think these are funny. And some of you will say the likely, "nice fail, STFU ETB, GFY ETB, etc." Regardless:

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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there...

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

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Commander of Awesome

Posts: 23,151

Jan 5, 2012 8:56am

these weren't half bad.

Scarlet_Buckeye

Posts: 5,264

Jan 5, 2012 9:35am

I thought the title read Mike Jones for a second and I got excited.... Who?!

Just read thru 'em all. Not bad. I had heard some of them before, but I thought they were pretty good.

martyirish

Posts: 490

Jan 5, 2012 10:29am

why do women wear white on their wedding day?
because the dish washer should always match the rest of the appliances

4cards

Posts: 2,551

Jan 5, 2012 10:52am

...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
"Where's Eve?" He asked.
"Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
"So where is she?" asked God.
"Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
"Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."

FatHobbit

Posts: 8,651

Jan 5, 2012 11:02am

4cards;1039685 wrote:...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
"Where's Eve?" He asked.
"Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
"So where is she?" asked God.
"Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
"Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."

LOFL

ernest_t_bass

Posts: 24,984

Jan 5, 2012 11:07am

FatHobbit;1039696 wrote:LOFL

Laughing on the floor laughing? or
Laugh our f'ing loud?

power i

Posts: 1,296

Jan 5, 2012 11:17am

I laughed.

Raw Dawgin' it

Posts: 11,466

Jan 5, 2012 11:20am

FatHobbit;1039696 wrote:LOFL

wasn't that funny...

FatHobbit

Posts: 8,651

Jan 5, 2012 11:20am

ernest_t_bass;1039700 wrote:Laughing on the floor laughing? or
Laugh our f'ing loud?

laughing out f'ing loud

FatHobbit

Posts: 8,651

Jan 5, 2012 11:21am

Raw Dawgin' it;1039717 wrote:wasn't that funny...

That's like your opinion man.

Iliketurtles

Posts: 8,191

Jan 5, 2012 1:52pm

4cards;1039685 wrote:...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
"Where's Eve?" He asked.
"Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
"So where is she?" asked God.
"Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
"Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."

God is suppose to be all knowning... why should he have to ask were Eve is?

FatHobbit

Posts: 8,651

Jan 5, 2012 2:08pm

Iliketurtles;1039947 wrote:God is suppose to be all knowning... why should he have to ask were Eve is?

He was just testing Adam to see if he was keeping that bitch in line.

power i

Posts: 1,296

Jan 5, 2012 2:32pm

My husband bought me a mood ring for Christmas. When I'm in a good mood, it turns orange. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his head.

Devils Advocate

Posts: 4,539

Jan 5, 2012 3:53pm

power i;1040040 wrote:My husband bought me a mood ring for Christmas. When I'm in a good mood, it turns orange. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his head.

Just slam your purse shut and get his ball too!