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Multiple marriages/Traditional weddings

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I

iluvz

Senior Member

262 posts
Apr 28, 2011 11:37 PM
So a friend of mine is getting married for the third time in apx ten years. They are opting for a full blown traditional wedding (again) all out with bridesmaids, grooms men, reception, dj etc. I've bought the bridesmaid dress, done the whole bachelorette party etc twice for this girl... I'm having a very difficult time swallowing buying another $150 dress and going thru the motions, again, for this girl. Daddy dearest is loaded, and is forking out the money for an all out event, again. Basically I'm to the point of feeling its all a show and a ploy at getting gifts and a look at me stunt. She's been one of my closest friends since kindergarten... So question is, am I obligated to suck it up, and buy yet another dress and to go thru the motions of this whole charade? Or how does one nicely opt out of being part of this...
Apr 28, 2011 11:37pm
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
Apr 28, 2011 11:42 PM
Isn't it against etiquette for brides to accept gifts after their first wedding? I don't know any women my age that have divorced and remarried - we have a friend that tragically lost her husband to cancer and is remarrying in September, but its going to be a simple service with no registry or anything like that - I'm sure my wife and others will do something for her, but I can't imagine someone like your friend thinking its ok to keep throwing parties for herself.
Apr 28, 2011 11:42pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

Senior Member

4,288 posts
Apr 29, 2011 12:21 AM
iluvz;753933 wrote:So a friend of mine is getting married for the third time in apx ten years. They are opting for a full blown traditional wedding (again) all out with bridesmaids, grooms men, reception, dj etc. I've bought the bridesmaid dress, done the whole bachelorette party etc twice for this girl... I'm having a very difficult time swallowing buying another $150 dress and going thru the motions, again, for this girl. Daddy dearest is loaded, and is forking out the money for an all out event, again. Basically I'm to the point of feeling its all a show and a ploy at getting gifts and a look at me stunt. She's been one of my closest friends since kindergarten... So question is, am I obligated to suck it up, and buy yet another dress and to go thru the motions of this whole charade? Or how does one nicely opt out of being part of this...

If daddy is able and willing to continue to funder her lavish weddings, she'll do the same for hubby #4. Remember, it is all her day(s). HAHA
Apr 29, 2011 12:21am
NNN's avatar

NNN

Senior Member

902 posts
Apr 29, 2011 1:06 AM
iluvz;753933 wrote:So a friend of mine is getting married for the third time in apx ten years. They are opting for a full blown traditional wedding (again) all out with bridesmaids, grooms men, reception, dj etc. I've bought the bridesmaid dress, done the whole bachelorette party etc twice for this girl... I'm having a very difficult time swallowing buying another $150 dress and going thru the motions, again, for this girl. Daddy dearest is loaded, and is forking out the money for an all out event, again. Basically I'm to the point of feeling its all a show and a ploy at getting gifts and a look at me stunt. She's been one of my closest friends since kindergarten... So question is, am I obligated to suck it up, and buy yet another dress and to go thru the motions of this whole charade? Or how does one nicely opt out of being part of this...

You may be, but the bride-to-be doesn't seem to have any problems with it....which is why there's now three guys who have wanted to make her a permanent fixture.
Apr 29, 2011 1:06am
coyotes22's avatar

coyotes22

Go Tigers

11,298 posts
Apr 29, 2011 8:05 AM
iluvz;753933 wrote:So a friend of mine is getting married for the third time in apx ten years. They are opting for a full blown traditional wedding (again) all out with bridesmaids, grooms men, reception, dj etc. I've bought the bridesmaid dress, done the whole bachelorette party etc twice for this girl... I'm having a very difficult time swallowing buying another $150 dress and going thru the motions, again, for this girl. Daddy dearest is loaded, and is forking out the money for an all out event, again. Basically I'm to the point of feeling its all a show and a ploy at getting gifts and a look at me stunt. She's been one of my closest friends since kindergarten... So question is, am I obligated to suck it up, and buy yet another dress and to go thru the motions of this whole charade? Or how does one nicely opt out of being part of this...
Yes,,,,,
Apr 29, 2011 8:05am
THE4RINGZ's avatar

THE4RINGZ

R.I.P Thread Bomber

16,816 posts
Apr 29, 2011 8:10 AM
Do her best friend.
Apr 29, 2011 8:10am
se-alum's avatar

se-alum

The Biggest Boss

13,948 posts
Apr 29, 2011 8:15 AM
Which is more important, your friendship with her or $150??
Apr 29, 2011 8:15am
CenterBHSFan's avatar

CenterBHSFan

333 - I'm only half evil

6,115 posts
Apr 29, 2011 8:15 AM
Whata woman, eh? lol

All joking aside, this is tricky. Without being too harsh about your friend, which is kinda hard, I would suggest that there is a way to opt out of this. But without knowing her, it's hard to determine the best way to do it.
You could try to make points to her in a joking manner, such as: "Again?! Jeez, how many times are you wanting to do this haha?"
Or you could simply say no thanks and that for once you'd like to be a guest.
Or maybe skillfully suggest that an elegant private ceremoney would be more intune with her situation.
Again, it's kinda hard to figure this out without knowing her personality.

At any rate, this girl needs to know that she's played the part into redundancy.
Apr 29, 2011 8:15am
FatHobbit's avatar

FatHobbit

Senior Member

8,651 posts
Apr 29, 2011 9:00 AM
CenterBHSFan;754043 wrote:You could try to make points to her in a joking manner, such as: "Again?! Jeez, how many times are you wanting to do this haha?"

Oooh, I'm busy that weekend. Can you catch me on your next wedding?
Apr 29, 2011 9:00am
E

enigmaax

Senior Member

4,511 posts
Apr 29, 2011 9:13 AM
THE4RINGZ;754039 wrote:Do her best friend.

Bang the groom-to-be and the problem is solved.
Apr 29, 2011 9:13am
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
Apr 29, 2011 9:44 AM
From a guy point of view.

Why do you have to have a new dress? Wear one you already have - if she can recycle wedding vows, you can certainly recycle the dress you wore to the last bridal circus. :)

My five heterosexual sisters-in-law have 12 weddings between them - we've long since ceased to play the "princess bride" game after the initial go-round. Even the family minister refused to perform ceremony number five for Muggsy last May - he told her she needed to go with a civil ceremony instead.
Apr 29, 2011 9:44am
S

Sonofanump

Apr 29, 2011 12:17 PM
Wear one of the two dress that you already have and regifter something she already has.
Apr 29, 2011 12:17pm
I

iluvz

Senior Member

262 posts
Apr 29, 2011 1:05 PM
People (self included) have made several comments this time around... She's still just not getting the hint... Sadly its not even hints anymore. I do not know anyone who would do all this a second time much less a third. I think its tacky as hell, as does everyone else. I'll probably be the only one who has the nerve to actually opt out though. As for which is more important, $150 or a friendship... Perhaps that's a question I need to bring up to her. I've got 3 kids, so yes, $150 is a huge deal to me unfortunately. Its not something I just have lying around. Aside from the money, I just find it ridiculous, so I guess I am thinking of the nicest way possible to say hell no.
Apr 29, 2011 1:05pm
I

iluvz

Senior Member

262 posts
Apr 29, 2011 1:07 PM
Wear one of the two dress that you already have and regifter something she already has.
We actually suggested this to her, as its all the same brides maides... Her response was 'No way! Could you imagine how tacky that would look!'.... We were all just sitting there thinking almost as tacky as this whole thing is? Lol
Apr 29, 2011 1:07pm
S

Sonofanump

Apr 29, 2011 1:52 PM
iluvz;754362 wrote:We actually suggested this to her, as its all the same brides maides... Her response was 'No way! Could you imagine how tacky that would look!'.... We were all just sitting there thinking almost as tacky as this whole thing is? Lol

Just dye them a different color.
Apr 29, 2011 1:52pm
F

fan_from_texas

Senior Member

2,693 posts
Apr 29, 2011 2:11 PM
I think it's fine to opt out. Doing this a third time in 10 years strikes me as extraordinarily tacky.
Apr 29, 2011 2:11pm
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
Apr 29, 2011 2:18 PM
If her family is that loaded, you'd think they would have the grace to absorb the expenses of yet another fashion statement for everyone they drag into this comedy.

As far as repeat marriages - one of my sisters-in-law got married for the sixth time last May (at age 47). The family minister refused to perform the ceremony and told her that their church would "not be a part of this mockery". Amen, brother.
Apr 29, 2011 2:18pm
power i's avatar

power i

Senior Member

1,296 posts
Apr 29, 2011 2:49 PM
As anyone who has been a bridesmaid before knows, that $150 dress quickly turns into hundreds of dollars. Tell her you'd love to, but you really just can't afford it AGAIN.
Apr 29, 2011 2:49pm
sleeper's avatar

sleeper

Legend

27,879 posts
Apr 29, 2011 3:39 PM
FatHobbit;754082 wrote:Oooh, I'm busy that weekend. Can you catch me on your next wedding?
lol'd.
fan_from_texas;754414 wrote:I think it's fine to opt out. Doing this a third time in 10 years strikes me as extraordinarily tacky.

+1
power i;754457 wrote:As anyone who has been a bridesmaid before knows, that $150 dress quickly turns into hundreds of dollars. Tell her you'd love to, but you really just can't afford it AGAIN.
+1
Apr 29, 2011 3:39pm
password's avatar

password

Senior Member

2,360 posts
Apr 29, 2011 7:08 PM
iluvz;753933 wrote:So a friend of mine is getting married for the third time in apx ten years. They are opting for a full blown traditional wedding (again) all out with bridesmaids, grooms men, reception, dj etc. I've bought the bridesmaid dress, done the whole bachelorette party etc twice for this girl... I'm having a very difficult time swallowing buying another $150 dress and going thru the motions, again, for this girl. Daddy dearest is loaded, and is forking out the money for an all out event, again. Basically I'm to the point of feeling its all a show and a ploy at getting gifts and a look at me stunt. She's been one of my closest friends since kindergarten... So question is, am I obligated to suck it up, and buy yet another dress and to go thru the motions of this whole charade? Or how does one nicely opt out of being part of this...


If you are worried about the $150.00 maybe we could work something out. you would be obligated to suck it and you would have to fix the problem that you have with swallowing.
Apr 29, 2011 7:08pm
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
Apr 29, 2011 10:45 PM
^^^

As mentioned above, being a bridesmaid is more than a dress. The average wedding my wife was a bridesmaid in cost us around $2,000, if you include travel, gift and hotel expenses for the engagement party, travel, gift and hotel expenses for the bachelorette party, travel, gift and hotel expenses for the actual wedding, and THEN the cost of the dress, which at that point was negligible. Granted, if it is a small town wedding where travel isn't involved the travel and hotel expenses described above are a lot less. But I'd be pretty p.o.'ed if God forbid one of her friends got divorced and expected the same treatment again for a second wedding.
Apr 29, 2011 10:45pm