Q
QuakerOats
Posts: 8,740
Nov 11, 2009 5:33pm
So we all get off on the right foot here at freehuddle, we should start with some basic history ---- here goes:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living..
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true nature.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living..
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true nature.
F
Footwedge
Posts: 9,265
Nov 11, 2009 7:25pm
Some people excel at writing fiction based on their preconcieved notions on how man evolved.
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majorspark
Posts: 5,122
Nov 11, 2009 7:37pm
LOL. Execept I love sushi with couple of Sapporo's.
P
PremithiumX
Posts: 27
Nov 11, 2009 10:48pm
I consider myself a centrist, but I'll just say... I'd rather have a Guinness than some watery piss with Light or Lite at the end of it. Really, what's more manly a stout that's a black as night or some Busch?
Also, I LOLed
Also, I LOLed
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believer
Posts: 8,153
Nov 12, 2009 4:51am
Great history lesson Quaker but how do you explain Libertarians in that mix?
Wait...I know. Libertarians migrated from Canada. They act and look like conservative Americans but think like liberal Europeans!
Wait...I know. Libertarians migrated from Canada. They act and look like conservative Americans but think like liberal Europeans!
G
Gobuckeyes1
Posts: 497
Nov 12, 2009 6:07am
So where did you find that? I get BS email forwards like that from my conservative friends all of the time.
On a lighter note, if you boys want to drink "domestic" beers like Bud and Miller (Bud is not domestic anymore, btw) have at it. If I'm drinking domestic, I'm having one of my own home brews, a Sam Adams, or a Great Lakes.
Other than that, the original post is just a bunch of generalizing bullshit, so I will laugh and move on. And before I get labeled one, I am a centrist that leans left...I am certainly not a hard core liberal.
On a lighter note, if you boys want to drink "domestic" beers like Bud and Miller (Bud is not domestic anymore, btw) have at it. If I'm drinking domestic, I'm having one of my own home brews, a Sam Adams, or a Great Lakes.
Other than that, the original post is just a bunch of generalizing bullshit, so I will laugh and move on. And before I get labeled one, I am a centrist that leans left...I am certainly not a hard core liberal.
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dwccrew
Posts: 7,817
Nov 12, 2009 9:40am
Sorry, but sushi is the shiznet and I am not close to being a liberal.
P
PremithiumX
Posts: 27
Nov 12, 2009 11:36am
Go Bucks: Try Sierra Nevada sometime if you haven't already... it's some good stuff. Also, I'd argue that Bud is still domestic because it's still brewed in the US, it just happens that the people that own all the brewing equipment are some sort of multicontinent corporation.
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fish82
Posts: 4,111
Nov 12, 2009 11:46am
Greetings!
Daddy's home.
Daddy's home.
S
stlouiedipalma
Posts: 1,797
Nov 12, 2009 11:59am
The Oats man is at it again. Great post, Quaker!
A
Al Capone
Posts: 1,727
Nov 12, 2009 12:05pm
Quaker is right on!
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CenterBHSFan
Posts: 6,115
Nov 12, 2009 1:33pm
Wow! Nice to see some folks over here!!!
Derek
Foot
Fish
Louie
It's on!!!
Derek
Foot
Fish
Louie
It's on!!!
W
wizecracker
Posts: 139
Nov 12, 2009 2:07pm
Good stuff OP.
F
Footwedge
Posts: 9,265
Nov 12, 2009 4:49pm
Believer...if you are into golf....you have to play Toftrees. A little pricey, but well worth it. This time of year....probably half price.believer wrote: Great history lesson Quaker but how do you explain Libertarians in that mix?
Wait...I know. Libertarians migrated from Canada. They act and look like conservative Americans but think like liberal Europeans!
I used to take out the maintenance top doggies at "the Pennsylvania State University" on my company dime.
And if you do....you better hit it straight...not a whole lot of forgiveness there.
And remember...you can only use your footwedge once a round.
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believer
Posts: 8,153
Nov 12, 2009 5:56pm
^^^I haven't played it but the course is just a few miles from my house...drive by it every day to work but I prefer the cheaper courses!
Personally I prefer Mulligans to footwedges! LOL
Personally I prefer Mulligans to footwedges! LOL
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Cleveland Buck
Posts: 5,126
Nov 13, 2009 1:21am
Looks like the gang's all here. Except for Chud. I bet he's disgusting some poor idiot right now over there.
B
Bigdogg
Posts: 1,429
Nov 13, 2009 8:48am
Are we going to get an ignore feature again? Real men don't eat yellow snow or drink yellow beer.
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CenterBHSFan
Posts: 6,115
Nov 13, 2009 8:52am
Bigdogg, we have one already. You can find it when you hit the "User CP" button.
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dwccrew
Posts: 7,817
Nov 13, 2009 9:05am
Feeble mind on the inferior site.Cleveland Buck wrote: Looks like the gang's all here. Except for Chud. I bet he's disgusting some poor idiot right now over there.
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fish82
Posts: 4,111
Nov 13, 2009 9:36am
Someone get that flaky purple_jacket guy over here. He was fun!
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HitsRus
Posts: 9,206
Nov 13, 2009 2:18pm
yeah, he understands 'free' when it comes to money. He doesn't understand it when it applies to politics, liberty and government.
F
Footwedge
Posts: 9,265
Nov 13, 2009 3:52pm
There was nothing wrong with Purple Jacket. We also need to issue a search warrant for BMan and Otrap.fish82 wrote: Someone get that flaky purple_jacket guy over here. He was fun!
The Ron Paulistas need to continue the educatiion process of the masses.
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Cleveland Buck
Posts: 5,126
Nov 13, 2009 4:26pm
Otrap is registered here I think. As for bman, I sent him 2 PMs and never got a response.
Q
QuakerOats
Posts: 8,740
Nov 16, 2009 4:20pm
Hope you're doing well -- still south of the equator ?stlouiedipalma wrote: The Oats man is at it again. Great post, Quaker!
C
cbus4life
Posts: 2,849
Nov 17, 2009 11:22am
Cool post.