The hottest gaming accessory of the 2010 holiday season, Microsoft Kinect, is now available across the globe. Microsoft’s new motion-based video game controller for Xbox 360 is set to take the world by storm. Analysts almost unanimously expect it to be one of the best-selling accessories this holiday season, and Microsoft recently raised its holiday sales projections from 3 million to 5 million units. Here’s what you need to know: if you have an Xbox 360, you need Kinect. If you need Kinect, you also need to get moving because purchasing one will be increasingly difficult as we approach the holidays.

"The Kinect’s astonishing technology creates a completely new activity that’s social, age-spanning and even athletic. Microsoft owes a huge debt to the Nintendo Wii, yes, but it also deserves huge credit for catapulting the motion-tracking concept into a mind-boggling new dimension. Just this once, the gods have lifted the Curse of the Microsoft Hardware."

One time, I was pushing a TV around so I could watch He-Man while I ate my Cap'n Crunch in the dining room. I was four years old. I accidentally pushed the TV over, bringing it smashing down on my finger. I had to get eight stitches and I eventually lost the fingernail.

I mention this only so you can fully appreciate the gravity of me saying that the half-hour I spent with Fighters Uncaged was the very worst TV-related thing that has ever happened to me. It's ugly, the fighting moves only work half of the time (except for ones like the straight right leg kick, which work none of the time). The training goes on forever before you get to the first round of actual fighting, which is against ... your trainer. It's terrible. I would erase Kinect from the fabric of time if it meant Fighters Uncaged would similarly be lost to the ether.

I'm not giving it a score because I think scoring a game after a half hour sets a bad precedent, and I'd rather eat a rain-soaked box of poison buttholes than ever play Fighters Uncaged again.