gorocks99
Posts: 10,760
Aug 20, 2010 3:37pm
Faaaantastic.
http://notalwaysright.com/
http://notalwaysright.com/
Me: “Good morning, and where are you thinking of going?”
Customer: “Well I was thinking of–” *customers eyes widen as they glance at the map behind me*
Me: “Is everything alright?”
Customer: “Your map! Take it down! It’s been vandalized by racists!”
Me: “It has? Where?”
Customer: *pointing* “Right there! In the middle of Africa of all places!”
(The customer is pointing at the large West African country ‘Niger’.)
Me: “Ah, well that’s actually the name of the country. It’s not a racist term.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Positive. We actually offer a safari in West Africa if you’re interested?”
Customer: “Oh, no thanks. I already have somewhere I’d like to go to.”
Me: “Excellent! And where is that?”
Customer: “Montenegro.”
Customer: “Hey, what movie did that other customer just turn in?”
Me: “Book of Eli. Would you like to rent it?”
Customer: “A book? No, I don’t want no book. I hate reading!”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. Book of Eli is the title of the movie.”
Customer: “I don’t like books.”
Customer’s friend: “It’s not a book, it’s a movie.”
Customer: “Well, I bet it’s based on a book, and I hate books!”
Heretic
Posts: 18,820
Aug 20, 2010 3:42pm
The "alum" comes right out of the OC Politics Forum, I think.(I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)
Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”
Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ‘83.”
Me: “Fantastic! I’m Class of ‘04. Can I answer any questions for you?”
Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”
Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”
Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”
Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You no longer see my $25 a year.”
Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”
Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”
Rotinaj
Posts: 7,699
Aug 20, 2010 5:23pm
Lol these are pretty funny.
Big_Mirg_ZHS
Posts: 2,079
Aug 20, 2010 6:26pm
Me: “…and a large Dew.”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”
G
GeneralsIcer89
Posts: 281
Aug 20, 2010 8:37pm
EPIC!Big_Mirg_ZHS;457321 wrote:Me: “…and a large Dew.”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”
ts1227
Posts: 12,319
Aug 20, 2010 8:46pm
I could have written a book of these from the shit I heard working at a convenience store in high school.
Of course, my dialogue with the customers was more along the lines of how this guy operates (http://www.dontevenreply.com/)
I should not be allowed to work with the public.
Of course, my dialogue with the customers was more along the lines of how this guy operates (http://www.dontevenreply.com/)
I should not be allowed to work with the public.
redfalcon
Posts: 1,088
Aug 21, 2010 3:00am
Fake Invoice
Posted at: 2010-06-29 08:20:54 | 207 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
ATTENTION: anyone who owns an auto repair shop
i need a fake invoice printed up for a bunch of car work so i can explain to my wife where our $1200 went. if you can print out an invoice with a bunch of repair stuff that would cost around that, please contact me ASAP.
From Me to *********@********.org:
Hey, are you still looking to get a fake invoice? I run a repair shop off of 95 in Essington and could easily print something out for you.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yea dude that would be great. it needs to be for like $1200 but your a mechanic im sure you can think of something that costs that much. essington is kinda out of my way so i just need a good reason for my wife that explains why i was down there, ya hear?
From Me to Dave ********:
Alright, I can print one out in a few minutes and scan it for you. As for your wife, just tell her you were on your way to Chester to buy drugs and your car broke down, so you just had it towed to the nearest shop. Be sure to mention how great our service was.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yeah great idea genius that would go over real well. im better off coming clean about my bad luck in atlantic city, but that aint happenin neither
From Me to Dave ********:
I don't see why it wouldn't go over well. Lots of people go out of their way to Chester for drugs. I get my coke from Chester all of the time. It is cheap, and good, too.
Anyway, I've attached the invoice I wrote up for you. I forgot to ask the Make/Model/Year of your car, so I just took a guess. If I am wrong, let me know and I can change it.
Mike
Attachment:
From Dave ******** to Me:
if you guessed 98 corolla then id be impressed otherwise could you put that in, and date it for today? thanks a lot for your help dude
From Dave ******** to Me:
wait a minute what the fuck is this shit
From Dave ******** to Me:
$200 to unjam a tape deck are you for real man? that isnt even a real problem
what the fuck is a "transgasket differential" are you serious dude, this shit isnt going to fly. 50 bucks to set the dashboard clock wtf man
like seriously man are you fucking retarded? wtf is this bullshit
From Me to Dave ********:
Yes, I typically charge around $200 to unjam a tape deck. Have you ever tried to do it? It is a pain in the ass. Some people panic and try to rewind their tapes and that just makes it even worse.
I charge $50 to set the dashboard clock, but it is well worth every penny. It is the most accurate time reading you will ever have. I sync it down to the millisecond with the official NIST time, and I have it verified by a certified time expert.
You've got me there on the transgasket differential. I just make that up and charge $400 for it and people usually pay it without much argument. Especially women, which brings me to my next point.
Women tend to know nothing about cars, so your wife will probably just look at the document and get confused by all that fancy car lingo. All women need to see is the money amount, which I have made very clear at the bottom of the invoice.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
cmon man quit dicking me around and put some real shit on there. i dont know what kind of bullshit shop you are running over there, but neither me or my wife would believe this thing
and fix the car info. out of all the guesses you could have made you guessed that i drive a fucking delorean? for real dude?
From Me to Dave ********:
Sorry, you just struck me as the kind of guy who would have a DeLorean.
If you really think your wife isn't going to fall for that, I'll give you a more realistic looking document. Here is a realistic bank statement you can use to show your wife where your money went.
Mike
Attachment:
From don't even reply... Hilarious!
From Dave ******** to Me:
wow thats great buddy thanks for nothing you fucking retard
hey why dont you go fuck yourself in the ass with your transgasket differential. what a douchebag
Posted at: 2010-06-29 08:20:54 | 207 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
ATTENTION: anyone who owns an auto repair shop
i need a fake invoice printed up for a bunch of car work so i can explain to my wife where our $1200 went. if you can print out an invoice with a bunch of repair stuff that would cost around that, please contact me ASAP.
From Me to *********@********.org:
Hey, are you still looking to get a fake invoice? I run a repair shop off of 95 in Essington and could easily print something out for you.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yea dude that would be great. it needs to be for like $1200 but your a mechanic im sure you can think of something that costs that much. essington is kinda out of my way so i just need a good reason for my wife that explains why i was down there, ya hear?
From Me to Dave ********:
Alright, I can print one out in a few minutes and scan it for you. As for your wife, just tell her you were on your way to Chester to buy drugs and your car broke down, so you just had it towed to the nearest shop. Be sure to mention how great our service was.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
yeah great idea genius that would go over real well. im better off coming clean about my bad luck in atlantic city, but that aint happenin neither
From Me to Dave ********:
I don't see why it wouldn't go over well. Lots of people go out of their way to Chester for drugs. I get my coke from Chester all of the time. It is cheap, and good, too.
Anyway, I've attached the invoice I wrote up for you. I forgot to ask the Make/Model/Year of your car, so I just took a guess. If I am wrong, let me know and I can change it.
Mike
Attachment:
From Dave ******** to Me:
if you guessed 98 corolla then id be impressed otherwise could you put that in, and date it for today? thanks a lot for your help dude
From Dave ******** to Me:
wait a minute what the fuck is this shit
From Dave ******** to Me:
$200 to unjam a tape deck are you for real man? that isnt even a real problem
what the fuck is a "transgasket differential" are you serious dude, this shit isnt going to fly. 50 bucks to set the dashboard clock wtf man
like seriously man are you fucking retarded? wtf is this bullshit
From Me to Dave ********:
Yes, I typically charge around $200 to unjam a tape deck. Have you ever tried to do it? It is a pain in the ass. Some people panic and try to rewind their tapes and that just makes it even worse.
I charge $50 to set the dashboard clock, but it is well worth every penny. It is the most accurate time reading you will ever have. I sync it down to the millisecond with the official NIST time, and I have it verified by a certified time expert.
You've got me there on the transgasket differential. I just make that up and charge $400 for it and people usually pay it without much argument. Especially women, which brings me to my next point.
Women tend to know nothing about cars, so your wife will probably just look at the document and get confused by all that fancy car lingo. All women need to see is the money amount, which I have made very clear at the bottom of the invoice.
Mike
From Dave ******** to Me:
cmon man quit dicking me around and put some real shit on there. i dont know what kind of bullshit shop you are running over there, but neither me or my wife would believe this thing
and fix the car info. out of all the guesses you could have made you guessed that i drive a fucking delorean? for real dude?
From Me to Dave ********:
Sorry, you just struck me as the kind of guy who would have a DeLorean.
If you really think your wife isn't going to fall for that, I'll give you a more realistic looking document. Here is a realistic bank statement you can use to show your wife where your money went.
Mike
Attachment:
From don't even reply... Hilarious!
From Dave ******** to Me:
wow thats great buddy thanks for nothing you fucking retard
hey why dont you go fuck yourself in the ass with your transgasket differential. what a douchebag
rookie_j70
Posts: 677
Aug 21, 2010 9:42am
dontevenreply.com is another good site
darbypitcher22
Posts: 8,000
Aug 21, 2010 4:53pm
Heretic;457220 wrote:The "alum" comes right out of the OC Politics Forum, I think.
sounds like a few parents of some kids I go to college with