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A quarter of all married couples sleep in separate beds????

Home ▸ Archive ▸ Serious Business ▸ A quarter of all married couples sleep in separate beds????
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

Senior Member

1,230 posts
Jul 26, 2010 9:23 PM
Little Danny posted this in a thread about "The ABC's of Married Sex" - I thought it was worthy of its own thread.

http://www.today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38410209/

Sure, everyone has the occasional bout with the flu, an evening sleeping on a cot in a sick kid's room, or the inevitable night in the doghouse. I can also understand separate bedrooms when you're 93 and wetting the bed again, but they're stating it's a permanent arrangement for many younger and middle-aged couples. I really have a hard time believing that 25% of all couples sleep apart.

They do have some good points about keeping too much stuff in the bedroom and keeping a quiet, private retreat. Other than a CD player, we've always kept TV sets, computers, etc. out of our room ( OK - occasionally the laptop for certain evil evenings :)). If nothing else, the thought of your significant other watching David Letterman over your shoulder would be... oh, discouraging.

How about you guys?
Jul 26, 2010 9:23pm
gerb131's avatar

gerb131

Senior Member

9,932 posts
Jul 26, 2010 9:27 PM
I have trouble sleeping if I can't curl up next to the old ladies ass.
Jul 26, 2010 9:27pm
ts1227's avatar

ts1227

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12,319 posts
Jul 26, 2010 9:30 PM
My parents haven't slept in the same bed for probably the last 15 years.

Started when he messed his back up and couldn't handle the waterbed they had at the time, then they just got used to it.
Jul 26, 2010 9:30pm
Bio-Hazzzzard's avatar

Bio-Hazzzzard

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1,027 posts
Jul 26, 2010 9:30 PM
^^^ This
Jul 26, 2010 9:30pm
gerb131's avatar

gerb131

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9,932 posts
Jul 26, 2010 9:33 PM
ts1227;433099 wrote:My parents haven't slept in the same bed for probably the last 15 years.

Started when he messed his back up and couldn't handle the waterbed they had at the time, then they just got used to it.

Buddies parents were like that. She had violent night terrors and would literally beat his ass up all night long. It eventually led to the demise of their marriage.
Jul 26, 2010 9:33pm
T

Timber

Senior Member

935 posts
Jul 26, 2010 10:17 PM
I would have to think world class snoring is the number 1 reason folks do not sleep together.

I also think a king size bed was a savior for our continuing to sleep in the same room.
Jul 26, 2010 10:17pm
ts1227's avatar

ts1227

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12,319 posts
Jul 26, 2010 10:21 PM
gerb131;433107 wrote:Buddies parents were like that. She had violent night terrors and would literally beat his ass up all night long. It eventually led to the demise of their marriage.

FWIW, their marriage hasn't exactly been going along swimmingly as of late here either. It got ugly when I spent a few days home in March between quarters
Jul 26, 2010 10:21pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

Senior Member

4,288 posts
Jul 26, 2010 10:21 PM
I have met a lot of people who do this. Amazingly it is not just the older crowd. As the article highlights, there a number of different reasons. I can cite a few examples from my life:

1. A female business associate of mine. She is a very attractive and is in her early 40's. She has two children under 10. She tells me she sleeps in her bed with her youngest on most nights, while her husband sleeps on the couch. She states this has been the norm for at least the past five years, after her youngest was born. Of course, the devil on the shoulder to my left thinks to myself, I bet she is just begging for a good lay.
2. My sister's in laws. They are in their late 50's. They sleep in separate bedrooms. My brother-in-law states it has been this way for as long he can remember. His father is an alcoholic and normally passes out somewhere in the house. He he is 30 and does not recall his parents sleeping in the same bed together in his life.
3. My aunt and uncle. Sleep apnea issues, heavy snoring.

As the OP indicated, this would be a major issue for me. Cuddling with my wife at night is one of the things I enjoy most in life. Honestly it is sometimes better than sex--- well, not quite, but you get my drift.
Jul 26, 2010 10:21pm
Scarlet_Fever's avatar

Scarlet_Fever

Senior Member

736 posts
Jul 26, 2010 10:21 PM
How many of these couples are over 60 though? My grandma and grandpa have had there own rooms for the last 20 years.
Jul 26, 2010 10:21pm
Little Danny's avatar

Little Danny

Senior Member

4,288 posts
Jul 26, 2010 10:30 PM
^^ I think it is less than you think Scarlet Fever. If you look at the poll attached to the link, 51% acknowledge to sleeping in separate beds. I am pretty sure that most of the people who tracked the article on the net are under 60. A major factor in people no longer sleeping together is obesity. Obesity is typically accompanied by sleep apnea and difficulty sleeping. A lot of the sleep apneic people utilize a bi-pap or c-pap machine at night to aid with sleeping. Kind of kills the romance and joy of cuddling if you want the truth.

The Sports Center issue noted in the article is pretty true. I know I am often up at night watching ESPN or some other ball game while the wife goes to bed. I'd be lying if I did not admit to falling asleep on the couch occasionally and not wanting to go to bed. A lot of people just do this on a regular basis. Again, these are more likely than people under the 60 rather than guys who are 60+
Jul 26, 2010 10:30pm
Apple's avatar

Apple

Prost!

2,620 posts
Jul 26, 2010 11:43 PM
If you're living with your significant other, married or not, I cannot imagine NOT sleeping together. Health issues, c-pap etc., would definitely limit intimacy and be reason(s) to warrant separate beds. I can understand why it probably happens, just sad it does and hope to hell it never happens to me.
Jul 26, 2010 11:43pm
Cat Food Flambe''s avatar

Cat Food Flambe'

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1,230 posts
Jul 26, 2010 11:58 PM
No snow we go!;433184 wrote:I would have to think world class snoring is the number 1 reason folks do not sleep together.

I also think a king size bed was a savior for our continuing to sleep in the same room.

No Snow... you might be onto something there. I travel about one week out of the month, and I can take Lady D'Friskies with me about half the time. We found that we have to request at least a queen-size bed at the hotel, or we don't sleep very well - after being used to a California King at home (the recycled water bed we bought after our honeymoon) - there's just too many elbows and knees in the middle of the night for use to be comfortable in a "standard" double bed.

The CPap machine can be overcome - when one of us is the prowl, you just reach up and shut the thing off. She actually like the machine - not only do I not snore, it makes for a great "white noise" device.
Jul 26, 2010 11:58pm
B

bwcomet89

Senior Member

633 posts
Jul 27, 2010 4:02 AM
My parents have been sleeping in separate rooms for years. A little bit my dad's snoring, a little bit that their dogs like to sleep with my mom in bed and there isn't enough room for four. Mostly the snoring, since my dad can make the walls shake and keeping a dog on the floor is easy to train.

I hope when/if I get married that never happens to me. Imo, waking up and having a good squeeze is the best part of having a lady in your bed. Not to mention sex is much easier when she's right there.
Jul 27, 2010 4:02am
thePITman's avatar

thePITman

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3,867 posts
Jul 27, 2010 9:41 AM
No snow we go!;433184 wrote:I would have to think world class snoring is the number 1 reason folks do not sleep together.

I also think a king size bed was a savior for our continuing to sleep in the same room.

One of my best friend's parents sleep in different beds because of this. The father has a machine he needs to use to control his breathing during the night, and his snoring is STILL terrible.
bwcomet89;433344 wrote:.. a little bit that their dogs like to sleep with my mom in bed and there isn't enough room for four.

I would have to lay my foot down if I was the husband. The dogs or me, honey?
Jul 27, 2010 9:41am
M

Manhattan Buckeye

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7,566 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:00 AM
In-laws do for reasons mentioned above, FIL has back pains that require a particular mattress, which MIL can't stand.
Jul 27, 2010 10:00am
C

Con_Alma

Senior Member

12,198 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:07 AM
If my wife snored, had the jimmy legs or elbowed me in the head each night we would still bed down together.

We are very adaptive as a species.
Jul 27, 2010 10:07am
krambman's avatar

krambman

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3,606 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:09 AM
I guess my question is does sleeping in separate beds lead to less sex? I'm not married and not sexually active, so I don't know how often simply being in bed together leads to impromptu sex. So if you're sex life is just as good sleeping in different beds as it is sleeping in the same bed, I honestly don't think it's a big deal, especially if there's a reason for it (snoring, one person doesn't get home from work before the other's in bed, etc). My parents are both 50 and sleep in the same bed and my grandparents are in their 70's and still sleep in the same bed. I don't personally know of anyone who is married and who sleep in separate beds on a regular basis (although there probably are some, I just don't know about it.
Jul 27, 2010 10:09am
M

Manhattan Buckeye

Senior Member

7,566 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:23 AM
"I guess my question is does sleeping in separate beds lead to less sex? "

Just my opinion, but the answer is that it probably doesn't lead to more, but on the other hand doesn't likely lead to much less. I can count on one hand the number of times we've been intimate before noon in our own bed, whether it is on weekends or weekdays. I run in the morning, the dog sleeps on the bed with us, and my wife likes to take a shower first thing when she awakes.
Jul 27, 2010 10:23am
Heretic's avatar

Heretic

Son of the Sun

18,820 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:28 AM
Having separate beds makes it easier to sneak in a mistress, at least if the beds are strategically situated. Dude has to put his bed close to multiple escape routes, while placing his wife's as far away as possible. If a two-story house (which works best for this scenario), husband should be downstairs, while wife is upstairs. Staircase also should be creaky, so there's no chance she can sneak up on liaisons.
Jul 27, 2010 10:28am
T

Tiernan

Senior Member

13,021 posts
Jul 27, 2010 10:38 AM
Separate beds is why alot of couples STAY married.
Jul 27, 2010 10:38am
F

fan_from_texas

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2,693 posts
Jul 27, 2010 1:19 PM
Con_Alma;433394 wrote:If my wife snored, had the jimmy legs or elbowed me in the head each night we would still bed down together.

We are very adaptive as a species.

Agreed. When Mrs. FFT and I first married, we had a standard double bed. The first 3-4 mos. were impossible to sleep--constantly kicking each other, too crowded, etc. But now, after 5 1/2 years of marriage, I find it very difficult to sleep in a bigger bed when we travel--it's hard to fall asleep without being so close to her.

We make it a priority to go to bed and get up at the same time, even when it's uncomfortable. It's one way to keep life in sync, and it's something Mrs. FFT (a psychotherapist/marriage counselor) recommends to her clients as a way to build marital intimacy. If husband goes to bed at 10p and gets up at 6a, while wife stays up until 3a and sleep in until 10a, there often are issues down the line. Better to bite the bullet and make it work (with occasional exceptions, of course).
Jul 27, 2010 1:19pm
F

fan_from_texas

Senior Member

2,693 posts
Jul 27, 2010 1:20 PM
Oh, and she also says no TV in the bedroom--the bedroom is for sleeping and screwing, not for watching TV. Nothing will kill your sex life as much as bringing a TV into the bedroom.
Jul 27, 2010 1:20pm
Fab4Runner's avatar

Fab4Runner

Tits McGee

6,196 posts
Jul 27, 2010 1:27 PM
My parents sleep in the same bed but they definitely don't go to sleep at the same time. My stepdad is an old grump that goes to bed at 9 pm, lol. It works for them, though. I'm not married and I've never lived with a boyfriend but I can't imagine not sharing a bed. It might have to be a California King to fit us and the two dogs but so be it haha.
Jul 27, 2010 1:27pm
ernest_t_bass's avatar

ernest_t_bass

12th Son of the Lama

24,984 posts
Jul 27, 2010 1:56 PM
fan_from_texas;433495 wrote:Oh, and she also says no TV in the bedroom--the bedroom is for sleeping and screwing, not for watching TV. Nothing will kill your sex life as much as bringing a TV into the bedroom.

Poppycock!

(No, Gibby... I didn't say poopy cock)
Jul 27, 2010 1:56pm