A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other,
lifting and moving them around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says,
'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

The dangers of senior gambling trips

A senior citizens' group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from Tampa, Florida to Branson, MO.

As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it, it jumps & runs away!'

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . on any land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.


With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he would be gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs . . .



"Your badge.......
Show him your BADGE!"

A boy turns 14 and says to his dad.. "dad I would like a moped for my birthday" and the dad ask son, can you touch your dick to your ass.. The boy answers no.. And the dad says well I am not buying you a moped.

The Following year the boy turns 15 and ask for a Motor cycle and the dad again ask. Son can you touch your dick to your ass. And the son replies... No. but it's getting closer. And the dad says well I am no buying you a motor cycle.

The following year the boy turns 16.. and ask his dad for a car. The dad ask son, can you touch your dick to your ass.. And the son replies.. yes I can.. To which the dad replies. Well then go fuck yourself, because i am not buying you a car.