As someone living in north central Ohio, I'm excited about all the Pirates news I'll be hearing in the area now that they signed Galion's own J.B. Shuck. At least for the couple weeks before they hopefully release him because that dude sucks as a MLB player. How the fuck can you have an OPS of under .500 for a season AND STILL BE CONSIDERED EMPLOYABLE? That's as hilarious as it is sad.
Oh, the answer to the first half the question is by having a 192/231/255 slash line. The second half...who knows, man, who fucking knows.